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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Just been told by my neighbour that a convicted paedophile has moved into the block of flats at the end of our close

63 replies

unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy · 29/07/2008 22:23

I don't really speak to her (not because I don't like her, just we've recently moved in and never really got round to it), but she made an effort to come over and speak to me (she lives over the road), I don't know where she got the information, but I thanked her for telling me. She has told all the mums in the close and she is going to get a petition on the go. She doesn't know his name, what he looks like or even what flat he lives in.

She just said I should keep an eye out for anyone I didn't recognise hanging around the close. (Recognise everyone who lives here, as it's a small close). We live in a new build close so all the gardens have low fences so it's very easy to see in each others' gardens. The fences come up to about bust level. The close is actually the back of all the houses and theres a carpark/road where all the kids play out together. I don't let mine play out yet as they're too young, but I wanted to as they got older.

I don't know how to feel, a part of me is thinking gossip, take it with a pinch of salt. But the other part is thinking what if she's right? It's really put a dampner on the house as I love it. I'm also in 2 minds now whether to get the paddling pool out and let them run about semi naked in the hot weather.

God I hate these sick bastards why can't they all just fuck off and die somewhere alone so we can relax and let are kids play. Jeez I feel so fucking angry.

OP posts:

Report

Carmenere · 29/07/2008 22:25

Listen to the part of you that says it is just nasty gossip and don't change your behaviour.

Hecate · 29/07/2008 22:26

oh dear. That's the sort of gossip that is going to see some poor old bloke beaten to death (someone said there's a paedo about, you're an old bloke, you'll do, )

You can relax and let kids play. They are at more risk from a parent/step parent/uncle/cousin/friend of the family than they are from a stranger who may or may not live somewhere nearby.

MsHighwater · 29/07/2008 22:27

Agree with Carmenere. If she couldn't tell you who he is and how she knows this about him I'd be very dubious about it indeed.

HumphreyPillow · 29/07/2008 22:28

"She has told all the mums in the close and she is going to get a petition on the go. She doesn't know his name, what he looks like or even what flat he lives in".

So she knows nothing then?

MrsSylar · 29/07/2008 22:28

She doesn't know his name, what he looks like, what flat he lives in, but she wants to get a petition going?

Does anyone remember the whole "paediatrician" debacle?

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be thrilled with a child abuser living next door, but I would want to know some more facts.

Hope you find out one way or another

lizinthesticks · 29/07/2008 22:29

"They are at more risk from a parent/step parent/uncle/cousin/friend of the family than they are from a stranger who may or may not live somewhere nearby."

That's probably one of the most overlooked facts of recent times!

ExterminAitch · 29/07/2008 22:30

littleducks · 29/07/2008 22:30

I would like to think that if this happened to me i wouldnt change my behaviour but im not sure.

Surely if he is convicted he will be on sex offenders register/probation and the local police will keep an eye, better than if he was unknown to police or driven underground by a petition.

Let your kids play in the garden, put up a gazebo, will stop them getting sun burnt too.

QueenEagle · 29/07/2008 22:31

This is exactly how innocent men end up dead when vigilante neighbours get their facts mixed up.

So what if you have a paedophile living in your street? There could be any number of dodgy people anywhere and no-one knows who they are or where they are.

Teach your kids common sense, don't give them horror stories and teach them how to stay safe without scaring the hell out of them.And get your pool out and enjoy the summer without getting all worked up over rumours and gossip.

Madlentileater · 29/07/2008 22:34

did she say WHY she thought this?
bet it was just someone said that someone said that...ignore it. And smile at any old men you see!

Quattrocento · 29/07/2008 22:40

This sort of thing led to either a paediatrician or a podiatrist (sorry can't remember which) getting beaten up

Say it is true. Say there is a convicted paedophile. He might well have been convicted for having what he thought was consensual sex with a girl who looked overage but was in fact underage. That's happened too.

Say it is some evil old git with loads of kiddy porn on his computer. How can you change anything? You can't.

If it's any consolation, any one of my neighbours could be a convicted paedophile and I wouldn't know

Forget about it.

tiggerlovestobounce · 29/07/2008 22:45

And any one could be an undetected paedophile and you would never know either.
Getting worked up about people who may have a conviction is not the answer, as those people will be the ones under the most scrutiny.

Tommy · 29/07/2008 22:46

good point quattrocento

We have a bail hostel near us and popular gossip is that it is full of predatory paedophiles just waiting to pounce on our children. The fact is that there are no predatory paedolphiles there as it is near to a school - never mind all the facts like they have to be in at certain times etc etc.

We also have quite a lot of multiple occupancy buildings, B&Bs etc in the neighbourhood and no-one has any idea who might live there

Try not to worry about it - dfficult I know but there are probably other, more likely, things you should worry about

unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy · 29/07/2008 22:51

I've just emailed my local police just to ask them for some advice, and whether it is a rumour or not.

OP posts:

Hecate · 29/07/2008 22:57

The police won't tell you anything.

FWIW - if you only knew it, there are probably half a dozen convicted paedophiles near you, and another half a dozen who have never been caught.

Teach your kids to be safe - from strangers AND friends and family members (see my previous post!!!) and don't be hysterical.

MrsSylar · 29/07/2008 23:01

Even if it is true, what would you do about it?

If the police know he is there, it means they are obviously aware of his existence, and should any local child go missing, he would be first in line to be questioned.

However if he is hounded out, and goes underground, he could go anywhere, do anything, and no one would be able to keep tabs on him.

Like I said, I wouldn't be thrilled to have a child abuser on my doorstep, but if I did have, I would want the police to know about them

minorityrules · 29/07/2008 23:05

If it's true and is known, what danger do you think you/your children are in??

Teach your children to be stranger aware, teach them never to be ashamed of their bodies and teach them never to be scared to talk to you, no matter what anyone says

Most abuse happens from people the children know (uncles, friends, people in authority) not by a random stranger on the street

RuffleTheAnimal · 29/07/2008 23:09

oh i should go and string all the men in the area up, just in case, if i were you. cant be too sure you know.

ffs

USE YOUR BRAIN

unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy · 29/07/2008 23:27

By RuffleTheAnimal on Tue 29-Jul-08 23:09:30
"oh i should go and string all the men in the area up, just in case, if i were you. cant be too sure you know.

ffs

USE YOUR BRAIN"

Thanks for that really helpful post, were did I say I was going to string up all the men in the area up? Hmmm? Fuck off if you can't be nice keep your trap shut. I was only posting to see how other people would ddeal with it. You use your brain and stop being a bitch!!!

OP posts:

Carmenere · 29/07/2008 23:33

Steady on there unaccomplished, telling someone to fuck off on here should be kept for the dire-est of circumstances.
I suspect you are new to mn and believe me there have been many, many, many threads such as this and the general consensus is that scare-mongering (which is what your neighbour was doing) is unhelpful and leads to hysterics.

CrushedRaspberryDungarees · 29/07/2008 23:34

Interesting article in The Times today about perceived risk vs. actual risk. Talks a bit about this kind of issue.

RuffleTheAnimal · 29/07/2008 23:36

oh, silly me. i didnt realise i was supposed to be nice.

righto, will try again:

i think youre worried for no good reason. i think the neighbour is a shit stirring person who needs something to occupy her. i think peoepl should grow some common sense and actually listen to other opinions when they ask for them.

will that do?

Carmenere · 29/07/2008 23:37

Well you could be a tiny bit nicer than that Ruffle.........

zippitippitoes · 29/07/2008 23:38

i think dontg worry

id wory mor about the unknown

but then i would go mad

RuffleTheAnimal · 29/07/2008 23:40

really? any specific suggestions? coz im struggling here

i am SORRY op. ok? i just get het up at what seems to be reactionary bollocks. please take note of the people who say thatr children are in far greater risk from people they know than people they dont. and please dont spend your life and your childrens childhood under a shadow of fear and shame. it really is unnecessary and damaging.

Flip

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