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Parenting

What would you do?? - Help

33 replies

milliec · 11/01/2008 23:43

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EachPeachPearMum · 11/01/2008 23:46

He's probably passed out cold in her bed!

Will the boys be comfortable at yours until morning?
Can they have breakfast etc at yours?

Don't babysit for him again

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colditz · 11/01/2008 23:48

I am really shocked, that's just not the way to behave.

I would send him a text saying you have put them to bed and he is not to come round until the morning - because the last thing you need is a pissed up prat banging on your door at 3 am.

Then I would sleep on it, and never babysit again.

I don't know what I would say, to be honest, it depends how contrite he was.

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BibiThree · 11/01/2008 23:50

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt for now, yes he's got too drunk and done something stupid, but could he just be letting his hair down, and in the back of his (irresponsible, silly) mind he knows the boys will be safe with you?

Leave it until the morning, and get his story before you decide what to say.

And I would babysit again, on the proviso that if he wants an all nighter, you're consulted first and his boys know the score!

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hecticmum · 11/01/2008 23:50

I'd leave it until the morning and see what happens - if he turns up early and is beside himself I'd be reasonably forgiving about it and drop VERY strong hints (as in orders) that he can return the favour sometime soon. If you still can't get hold of him in the morning or he's not very VERY apologetic then I'd coldly tell him its no way to treat his kids and you can't look after them again.

Depends if you think this is a terrible one-off where he got drunk and forgot what he was doing or if he's taking you and his kids for granted.

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colditz · 11/01/2008 23:51

But on the other hand ... I know it's not the done thing, but being a single dad he may not get to go out very often, is probably scared he will be single for ever and is taking the opportunity as it presents itself...

I really am far too forgiving.

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BroccoliSpears · 11/01/2008 23:51

Yes, agree that you should text him and tell him to pick them up in the morning. How reliable is the collegue? Is it very out of character of your friend? Are you worried? At least the boys are safe and not worried.

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madamez · 11/01/2008 23:52

Texting him as Colditz says is a good idea, but when he appears tomorrow, give him a chance to apologise and explain (just in case he got mugged and spent the night in casualty or something). Do you have anhy contact details for his mother/XP even? Because if he hasn't shown up or been in contact by lunchtime tomorrow, what are you going to do?

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MrsEi25 · 11/01/2008 23:53

i would leave it now til the morning as if he is really drunk he would be in no fit state to care for his boys anyway iyswim
although he obviously trusts you 100% to not feel he has to worry about them stayin out at your house which although inconvenient is flattering IMO!!
does he get the chance of a night out often?? i found that my friend who is also a single parent goes seriously overboard when an opportunity of a night out crops up for her. maybe this is the case for him.
i would tell him that you were not very impressed that he left you to settle his boys when he had arranged to pick them up and let him know that you were quite annoyed that you didnt get a phone call or anything else to let you know. just make him feel a little guilty and then let it drop and enquire about his night out. HTH
xx ei xx

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bossybritches · 11/01/2008 23:54

Not making excuses for him as he's probably just passed out cold(SHE got a surprise then!!)

.....but don't jump to conclusions till you know for sure- he may have had an accident (god forbid) but the weather is awful tonight)

NOT the way for a mate to behave though that IS taking advantage of a friendship.

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milliec · 11/01/2008 23:55

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milliec · 12/01/2008 00:00

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BroccoliSpears · 12/01/2008 00:03

Worrying the boys with no information to go on would be pointless. Far better let them sleep.

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MrsEi25 · 12/01/2008 00:04

are they old enough to understand 'your dad has got sloshed and gone home with a woman'?? if not its probably best to stick to the white lie!!
xx ei xx

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sb6699 · 12/01/2008 00:08

Did you text him to pick them up in the morning?

Def the best course of action - you know the boys are safe (not being cared for by someone who isn't in a fit state) and you don't have to worry about being woken in the middle of the night.

I wouldn't worry about lying to boys - the chances are their dad is absolutely fine and as the colleague said has had too much drink and is (aherm) enjoying himself with a woman, who if he didn't have his beer goggles on, wouldn't look twice at.

As MrsE said, if he doesn't get out often he has probably just gone overboard and feels comfortable enough about who his children are with.

Would have strong words in the morning though!!!

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pankhurst · 12/01/2008 00:33

I wouldn't have strong words with him. He's usually good with his boys and he obviously trusts you as a safe place for them, so that's a really huge compliment for you.

I would also suggest that you've done absolutely the right thing in making the boys feel safe and secure with you - SOME people I know would gain a little smug victory by dissing the dad and being the 'good one'.

You are clearly a bloody star and how lovely that they are with you.

I would either wait for my reward in heaven, or decide if you want to start a share the kids scheme and get back some time for you? there's some lovely window shopping to be done and you can't always take kids...

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Wifi · 12/01/2008 00:40

I would be worried if he is usually good and if he is a really good friend he knows you will look after the children. Hope he is ok.

However, I am wondering if the answers would have been the same if the parent was a woman?

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milliec · 12/01/2008 00:48

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madamez · 12/01/2008 00:52

Sounds lke he just went on the rip for once knowing that his DC were in a safe place. Bit naughty of him but not the end of the world but (especially as he's an old mate) he owes you now. Go to sleep plotting what favours you can ask for

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pankhurst · 12/01/2008 00:54

I know single mums who have really really appreciated their friends holding the fort in situations not dissimilar to this.

They don't take their friends for granted, they don't do this because their irresponsible or tarts or whatever.

They do it because sometimes as a single parent, you just cannot take the strain of being accountable all the time. Sometimes to keep your sanity and the safety valves in check, you HAVE to let things fall off the radar.

These boys are lucky he's made the judgement to put them with you, you are lucky to be able to contribute to your friend's life, and he is lucky that you are so competent.

When we are all old and grey, we will want to think about all the lovely things we have done - for other people and for ourselves. Your doing the first bit, so I would say you MUST make a promise to do the second bit too...

May not be reading it right but...

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colditz · 12/01/2008 00:57

Milliec, you're a nice person.

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Tortington · 12/01/2008 00:57

id let this one slide - but would tell him that he has shot his load - if it happens again he will lose what possibly could be a great resource in you.