KNOCKING on your DCs bedroom door

[ahundredtimes]

So last night I knocked and went in and ds1(9) said this to me:

You knock to show you respect my privacy but then why do you insist on asserting you authority as my mother by coming in anywaaaay?

DS1 doesn't actually express himself quite like this usually, I think he must have got it from somewhere. He looked extremely pleased with himself when he said it, and I was open mouthed.

BUT does he have a point? Am I supposed to knock and then wait to be summoned in, or just dispense with the knocking thing altogether?

Opinions please.

[NoodleStroodle]

Yes - if the bedroom door is closed - knock. He is getting to an age when you wont want to walk in on him unannounced....

[squidette]

Hmmm, interesting!

I knock to let them know i am coming in

[ClutterJunkie]

me too...mine know a knock is followed by an entry!!!!

[mumblechum]

I only knock when I assume he's doing something he shouldn't (only playing psp so far, found no evidence of anything else[grin[)
to give him fair warning.

When he's drumming with his back to the door I have to flick the light on and off otherwise I give him a heart attack coming close up.

[NoodleStroodle]

I knock - pause - and then shout "I'm coming in"...they made need vital seconds too...re-arrange themselves

[Othersideofthechannel]

Hasn't he answered his own question?
Knocking is for respecting privacy.
Authority is different from respect.

My boss and I respect each other mutually but he is a position of authority.

I think you should still knock.

[ahundredtimes]

Ah good, okay then. Because I've got a nasty feeling that sometimes I'd knock and he'd leave me out there on the landing and not let me in. Does this change though? I mean like noodle says, there's got to be a time when I'd want to knock, pause, open door right?

[Wolfgirl]

oooh, good question. Im open for changing my mind on my current thoughts tbh, as each child develops and matures differently. But...as it stands and my opinion as I type, is that I wouldnt knock for a child at this age. I am the parent, and my authority stands until the child is 16 or older.

Ooooh,,, Im thinking now.... what age would I knock???!! Not something my parents did for me, so no benchmark to go by. Be interesting to see what other MNs have to say. Im guessing it would depend on the circumstances; if it was to change linen or get something from their room and I knew they had friends over, I might give a tap and talk through the door explaining my need; if it was to talk to the child or call them for dinner, not sure I would knock, most prob. just yell for them.

Mmmmmm....

[ahundredtimes]

Otherside - his point was I think (though actually could just have been opportunity to use this line) that why do I bother knocking if I'm going to come in anyway?

[BishyBarneyBee]

I knock and shout 'can I come in?' so he can say yes or no.

[Wolfgirl]

NoodleStroodle

[ClutterJunkie]

my ds is 13.....we have agreed...open door means anyone welcome...closed door...we knock...pause a few seconds- go in.

if however he's otherwise occupied...HE HAS TO TELL US TO WAIT A MINUTE etc..... i then ask again...

so far no further persuasion etc needed!

[ahundredtimes]

Bishy - ah yes you see, but what happens if he says 'NO'?

[Jamantha]

Can someone tell my mum to knock - and wait - before coming in when I'm at "home" for the weekend. When DH is with me she waits, but if I'm on my own she'll just walk in sometimes. I thought that at age 36 I might have earned a little privacy

[edam]

Think Clutterjunkie has the right idea. Ds not quite four so won't be an issue for a while but will remember that tip.

I think teenagers see this as a BIG issue of personal respect. I wasn't bothered by my mother, but my sister barging into my room drove me mad. To the point where I accidentally shut her hand in the door once, trying to shove her out of my room while she was refusing to depart. She still has the scar.

[NoodleStroodle]

Remember this works both ways - DC have to knowck on my bedroom door before they come in. This has been quite hard as since they were toddlers they just wandered in and out but now I say ENOUGH!

[ClutterJunkie]

edam...i even shout up the stairs to ds1 when ds3 is coming up..to warn him to shut his door...saves the squabbling that will no doubt start!!!

[katelyle]

Open door - on our room or DCs- means "come in" closed door means "knock and wait". Always has done.And if they say "no" I go away again. Why would you need to go into their rooms? I don't mind saying "Dinner's ready" or something like that through the door.

[ClutterJunkie]

yes noodle...i EXPECT the same in return....unfortunately...still working on it with younger 2 boys....luckily cos ds1 is 13...he DOES seem to prefer NOT barging in...i think he's embarressed...whereas the other 2 can stand there having a conversation with me whether i am on the loo...in the bath etc!!!

[ahundredtimes]

Oh I like the open door, shut door policy, is inspired. I think we'll introduce it and apply to everyones bedrooms, including our own. .

katelyle - I was going in to say goodnight to him! Otherwise don't really hang about too long in there if I can help it.

[BishyBarneyBee]

oh - well he doesn't say 'no' he usually says 'yes' or 'wait a minute'

[FrannyandZooey]

Oh god, haven't read thread but if door is shut you MUST knock and then wait

my mother was a great one for knocking then barging in, I find it terribly rude tbh

yes even if they are 9

[OrmIrian]

Good point noodle. I knock on my DC's doors but then go in anyway. But they don't knock on my door - not sure I'd want them to have to though. DS#1 and DS#2 share a room anyway so a bit different maybe.

[OrmIrian]

Doors are rarely shut in this house anyway.

[FrannyandZooey]

100x have read thread now, what would you be worried he was doing if he asked you to wait? Is he allowed to have secrets from you?