Ds2 is so clingy and whiny that I think I may have a breakdown

(40 Posts)
Hedgehog80 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:50:36

Ds2 (2.3y o) has always been clingy, as a small baby he liked being carried facing outwards or he would scream.
I still bf him but rather than feeds decreasing they are increasing. I can't play with him or cuddle him without him wanting 'booby' if I say no he screams, if I try to distract him he screams, I've tried offering other drinks but he refuses and will try to tip them everywhere and screams more when I tell him off or take it away.

I feed him each evening and he wakes up 10+ times each night he has NEVER slept through. If I say no or try to get him back to sleep he wakes up and cries so its easier to just give in and feed him as other dcs have disabilities/medical needs and need attending to at night or they are asleep and I can't risk him disturbing them. I'm exhausted every morning and always hungry and my arms ache from where he wants to be cuddled and picked up all the time. If I don't he's grabbing onto me and screaming and I can't get a thing done.

Quite frankly I'm sick of it. I love him and he's adorable but I want some time away from him so that my arms don't ache and I can sleep without my neck hurting or him rolling about over me and taking up all the space (he sleeps in cot at first then wakes and we co sleep)
Tonight I've had to say to dh no more I have handed him ds and said I'm going for a bath as can't bear to sit feeding ds to sleep whilst he does his habit of pinching my other nipple (ds that is not dh!) as if he can't do that he fusses and cries and then screams.

During the day I try and play with him, he doesn't want other will play with dh or other adults but not me as all I get is 'booby' 'cuddle' 'pick up' and I'm so tired.

Recently he is complaining of 'tummy hurting' every day or 'legs hurting' and as he has same condition as dcs I'm wondering if pain is making him like this so I'm thinking of trying calpol and nurofen before bed for him. I know its not his fault but I just feel like I need to be away from him for a few hours as he exhausts me. I keep asking dh to take him/distract him as I can't face the bf so much and I feel grumpy.

What can I do I really feel on the edge over this he is by far the most demanding dc and that's saying a lot

Hedgehog80 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:52:58

I can hear him crying downstairs and I feel bad as dh has a really bad back and his knees are sore from dislocations but I just can't go down I'm too fed up and tired I feel so mean

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 30-Jul-14 21:57:53

You aren't being mean. smile I really feel for you, you sound exhausted sad

I started a thread a couple of days ago about DD wanting to be fed all the time, and got some helpful suggestions about cutting her down. Will try and link to it.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 30-Jul-14 22:00:06

Here it is

Obviously my situation is no where near as tough as yours but some of the advice I got may be of use to you too.

I'm so sorry things are so tough atm. flowers

Hedgehog80 Wed 30-Jul-14 22:01:15

I offer him water (which he drinks in the night then wants milk too!) I've tried baby milk, cows milk warm, room temp or cold, soya milk, even milky tea in desperation but he refuses or wants booby too!

I honestly feel that if dh wasn't so ill currently I'd book a weekend away alone to break the cycle

EverythingCounts Wed 30-Jul-14 22:04:53

That sounds really tough and I am not surprised at all you feel like you do. Is there anyone at all who could have him for a few hours even besides your DH to give you a break?

pogoyogo Wed 30-Jul-14 22:05:09

My son is exactly the same, not as many night wakings only two or three times for boob, but the same whiny whinging all the time. My older son was/is such a content boy, I just don't know where I am going wrong.

I get so tired too, he is so clingy when we are out and never bounces back from upset from falling over. I have started to wonder if he has some kind of pain too as I can't believe it could be just total grumpiness!

He is going to be two soon and these have been the hardest two years of my life....maybe when they learn to communicate better things will get easier....I hope!!!

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 30-Jul-14 22:06:54

So tricky.

Do you think his medical condition means he is pain all the time so wants feeding for comfort? What does GP say?

didiimaginethis Wed 30-Jul-14 22:07:08

You do sound exhausted Hedgehog and totally 'touched out', of course you need a break.
Do you want to wean him off breastfeeding?

Hedgehog80 Wed 30-Jul-14 22:17:22

I would be quite happy to bf for longer but not this often! Bedtime, maybe once in night and early morn would be ok!

I do wonder about pain issues, he does have ehlers danlos syndrome like his siblings and the associated bowel issues (causing the tummy ache?) he also gets utis a lot but its been since early April after the scarlet fever that he's got worse. I will try pain relief and see how we get on. Have an appt to see his physio as gp was useless citing 'behaviour issues' much like when dd2 was unwell when ds2 was 3 mths-8mths her. Tummy ache was explained by gp as 'jealousy and an obvious like for calpol' (she was impacted needed movicol and surgery for a nasty hernia' then her unhappiness and other symptoms such as weight loss were explained as behavioural and down. To auti when she in fact had diabetes so I don't trust gp at all.

I asked mil and sil would they have him for a couple of hours sil said she had coursework to do and mil had party/pub/holiday etc on any date I suggested so ive had to just give ds to dh for now whilst I hide upstairs waiting for him to drop off with dh rather than be fed.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 30-Jul-14 22:22:45

Goodness your GP sounds rubbish! Can you see another one? I definitely push for referral/physio/whatever you think might help. I know it's easier said than done when you are exhausted.

I'm so sorry you don't have more family support. What is your health visitor like? They might have some possible solutions or be able to help.

Please don't feel guilty. You sound incredibly patient to me. smile

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 30-Jul-14 22:23:19

i'd definitely

Hedgehog80 Wed 30-Jul-14 22:27:03

Hv doesn't do home visits here anymore except new birth visits.

I love ds2 so much but he wont interact with 'me' anymore it seems , he whines, I feed him but he then goes off for a bit or will play with somebody else then same again he just won't play with me I just seem to be there for milk. I feel exhausted. And the hunger is immense I go to bed starving, wake in the night starving and wake up starving, I've started to have those complain drinks in middle of night as I feel so hungry its ridiculous

Hedgehog80 Wed 30-Jul-14 22:27:44

Complan! Although iam moaning so maybe a complain drink would be better!

bauhausfan Wed 30-Jul-14 22:31:13

Get a new GP. You need more support. Would it be possible for your DH to take a week off to look after the kids and for you to get away on your own for a week? It might break the breast-feeding thing for DS and you would have a chance to have a break. You really sound like you need one. I have one DS with additional needs and DS was the baby from hell. I used to go into town, have a coffee, read a book and go to the cinema by myself. DH was brillliant and always encouraged me to go - looking back it really saved my mental health as I was struggling (crying) a lot. Good luck xx

HVB79 Wed 30-Jul-14 22:33:36

Sorry as well to hear what a hard time you're having. Sounds like you're doing a great job in difficult circumstances though. We have had success recently using the jay Gordon method for getting my 18 month old to stop night feeds and stay in her cot- but not sure how suitable it would be if there are underlying health issues involved.

Hedgehog80 Wed 30-Jul-14 22:41:52

Dh is off tomorrow aft for ds1 hosp appt then twice next week for hosp appts then off for a week as we have a holiday booked and oh how I'm dreading that.....a three hour car journey with ds whining although I'm pinning my hopes on his new car seat and a night garden dvd keeping him occupied !

I might get dh to take ds2 as well tomorrow afternoon just so he's out of the house for an hour or so. Its just so nice when he's not attached to me.

ResponsibleAdult Wed 30-Jul-14 22:55:35

Whhhaaattt.????? What the actual?????

You poor woman, exhausted and knackered. There comes a point in every mother/child relationship where the greater good of you and the family supersedes the needs of the individual. I think you have got there.

I would guess your DC has limited knowledge of female anatomy. Tell your DC that your boobs are broken they can't work anymore. Do not give in AT ALL, EVER, OR YOU WILL UNDERMINE YOUR CREDIBILITY.

Show DC a broken hot wheels car/ Thomas tank/ Bob the builder model/ Night Garden. Every time DC whines, show broken toy/ car/ model.

He can't fix those, he can't fix your boobs.

Superworm Thu 31-Jul-14 00:43:12

You poor thing, I feel for you. Does he have allergies?

DS has CMPA & soy allergies and is like this at night with tummy ache if exposed to either. I

Happy36 Thu 31-Jul-14 00:56:37

You poor thing. I don't know what to advise. I hope you find a solution and I second other posters' suggestions that you take a break if you possibly can. Good luck and lots of love to you all.

Hedgehog80 Thu 31-Jul-14 07:03:54

Ds2 used to have cmpa but we were told he had outgrown it. He certainly doesn't have the reactions he used to (facial swelling and hives) but does have these tummy aches and always has a rash on lower legs.
Last night he rid not go to sleep for dh, I went downstairs and dh was asleep but not ds!

Theyaremysunshine Thu 31-Jul-14 07:33:36

I agree with responsible. I recognise it's a bit tough to say to you OP, but if you're giving in every time he screams then he knows if he screams he'll get fed. He's old enough to sit him down and explain there will be no more milk at night. NONE. no formula, no bf. Water only.

You're not doing him any favour IMO by feeding him 10x per night. It will be hell for 3 nights. Don't break, don't even after hours give him any milk. No feeds except first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

This is in your control to stop OP. JUST SAY NO.

MrsTittleMouse Thu 31-Jul-14 08:00:00

I've had this, but without the medical issues. I was ground down into the ground before DD was 2. I ended up weaning her cold turkey. I had tried and tried to gently decrease the number of feeds, but it just didn't work, and the BFing and lack of sleep were starting to seriously effect my health. Giving up was awful, I won't sugar-coat it, my FIL was visiting on the second day and couldn't believe that I could stick to it. But I had to, and I did. After a few days, she got used to the idea, and my main problem was avoiding mastitis because I was so engorged. I timetabled it over a bank holiday, so that I would have the support of DH which really helped. Is there anyone who could help you just for a day or two? With your DH out of action, it must be doubly hard for you. sad

Regarding all the health issues - I seriously think that you need a second opinion. The trouble is that you are exhausted, mentally and physically, and this isn't a good time to have to have to push, but your GP just doesn't sound up to the job.

You have my every sympathy. My DD is older now, and it seems like a distant memory, but she was so clingy for so long, and looking back I wonder how close I got to a nervous breakdown. sad

Footle Thu 31-Jul-14 08:40:15

Hedgehog, I don't think you have any option but to stop breast feeding. Your whole family is suffering , including the youngest , because you are so exhausted. You're too exhausted to see the way out !

MURU Thu 31-Jul-14 09:42:09

Hey feel for you if I was you Id do all changes in one big go!! Maybe stop breastfeeding and do a strict bedtime!! Have you tried controlled crying?? I was so against it at first family members did it with their babies from 6months old I was like no dont like it BUT it was the best thing I ever did my son took 2 nights he was ready for it my daughter a little longer but still its very hard but worth it!

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