Why do some parents find it hard disappoint their children? RANT

[Eaney]

OK, I had a party for DS. It was a trampoline party with an age restriction of 5. Invited DS's cousin who is 5 but who has a younger brother of 2.5. I explained the age restriction to the Mother and said that the leisure centre had other activities for younger siblings if they were bored.

Anyway she said she was unsure as the younger one would'nt understand that he couldn't go on the trampoline as he had one at home. She phoned me back as said OK she would think of something to do with the little one. I told her that the trampoline would last about 1 hr and the party about 50 mins. SHe turned up almost exactly after the coach had wrapped up the trampoline session with both kids in tow and then said she got lost. When I asked her where she got lost she said her older boy wasn't bothered cos he got a trampoline at home. It's only today I realised that she probably planned to miss the trampoline session so she didn't have to disappoint her younger son.

Why is it so difficult for some parents to do this? Am I hard or maybe it's cos my son has so many allergies and I am always having to disappoint him. Never been to a McDonalds, Pizza Hut and never will.

Rant over but interested in others opinions.

[Hulababy]

On a positive angle to it all - She might have been trying to stop a tantrum or scene with her little one, who as just 2,5yo may not fully understand why he couldn't use the trampoline if he has one at home that he can use. If she thought he would tantrum etc she may have been concerned it would spoil the party. It does seem a shame the older one had to miss out though.

[doormat]

hulababy took the words out of my mouth

[starlover]

hmm I can kind of see her point. I personally wouldn't want to have to console a whinging 2.5 yr old all afternoon because he didn't get to go on a trampoline.
having said that, i would probably have left him at home/arranged a playdate for him so it wasn't an issue

maybe she DID get lost...

[HRHQoQ]

oh come on - I've got a 23month (going on 23yrs.) DS who wants to do EVERYTHING his older brother does - but at the end of the day he's already learning PDQ that he can't do everything his brother does!

It sucks - but it's life.

[Eaney]

Unlikely she got lost. She knows the area and it's easy to find. Also the child is not given to tantrums. When do children get faced with dissappointments?

[starlover]

yeah and that's all well and good... but could you really be bothered with tantrums at a birthday party?

[Hulababy]

But he is only 2.5yo with limited understanding at that age - especially when he is told he can'tdo something he is normally allowed to do. Not sure a 2yo will understand why he is suddenly not allowed or old enough. I agree children do need to learn about disappointment, but not sure a birthday party (esp someone elses) is the best place to learn that lesson.

[Eaney]

Oh maybe I'm a hard old cow but in my day......

[doormat]

eaney imo children get faced with disappointments all the time ie supermarket when they want sweets
the list could go on
I think your friend was avoiding an inevitable tantrum tbh

[Chandra]

What's so bad about not showing up until the trampoline was gone?... actually, whatever her reasons, I think it's quite kind of her to show up just for the important part of the party even if she didn't want to disapoint her 2 yr old. It shows it cares about you and your child.

[Bozza]

I see your point eaney. If I didn't want to disappoint DD I would never take DS to school. Every day she goes into the reception classroom and plays in the water or sand pit while I am depositing coats/hats/book bags/water bottle/fruit and every day I have to drag her away. Except its not every day - its twice a week beccause she goes to nursery the other three days. She's like QofQ's lo - has to do everything big bro does - and thats just not possible.

[starlover]

but that;s somnething you HAVE to do bozza..... it isn't the same as taking 2 excited boys to a birthday party and then telling one of them they can't join in

[gigglinggoblin]

she probably didnt get lost, but maybe she didnt want to leave the 5yo alone? i take my kids to parties and then sometimes leave them (depends on if it is a good friends party) but would never take them and make the younger ones watch without letting them join in. thats just plain mean. i would probably have done the same as her tbh, i think its an excellent way of dealing with what could be a very stressful situation for her, not just the little one

[starlover]

i would have left the younger one at home tbh...

[gigglinggoblin]

i dont have anyone to leave the younger ones with

[melissasmummy]

But I think that it is improtant for the younger child to realise that the older one can sometimes do things he/she can't. If she doesn't inforce this now or soon she will have really problems with both. Why should the elder one miss out just because his younger sibling can't join in!

[pablopatito]

"But I think that it is improtant for the younger child to realise that the older one can sometimes do things he/she can't."

I am sure that the younger child realises this every single day of his life (I know I did as a child). It doesn't mean the mother has to have a battle at someone's party. Maybe there is something else going on in this little child's life that means the mother didn't want to upset him on that particular day? Who knows?

[Enid]

i dont think its in the slightest bit weird

personally I would have left dd2 at home but maybe she didnt have that option

[Enid]

'in my day' there wouldnt have been a trampoline at a party so problem over

[Caligula]

Would you really have wanted a tantruming 2 year old at your DS's birthday party?

I wouldn't choose to spend an hour of my time calming an unnecessary tantrum either, tbh. And if the older child has a trampoline and it's no big deal, why not make life easier for yourself? Why on earth go into battle on this issue? I think part of parenting is choosing which battles you fight, and which you let go.

[handlemecarefully]

If she had someone to leave the 2.5 yr old with then she should have done so, if she was obliged to bring him with her I can see why she did what she did - but she ought to have indicated her intentions to you up front

[4blue1pink]

Eaney I agree completely. Parenting is about introducing infants to life and maybe i am an old bat but 'life is like that' They are doing their children no favours long term ....just creating more and nore issues.

Hard it is but mostly hard on mum who has to deal with the issues and i feel a lot of mums would rather avoid issues than actually face up to them! ( ducks for cover)

[oliveoil]

pick your battles is tattooed on my hand, or should be.

I think she made the right decision, nobody wants a tantrum in full flow at a birthday party if it could be avoided.

[oliveoil]

like I know that dd1 will want a bloody crappo magazine that are conviniently at eye level in the supermarket with assorted crap cellotaped to them. So I avoid walking past. I am not pandering to her, just being sensible. I could point them out and then tell her NO when she wants one to teach her a life lesson, but I have better things to do with my time.

[handlemecarefully]

As I said before, I can see why the mum avoided the trampolining - but does nobody think she should have had the courtesy to explain to Eaney that this is what she was intending to do?

I think it's a bit rude to just not show up for that bit and make up a transparent excuse. But maybe I'm an old fart