DD2 cries so much,don't know what to do.

[Mirage]

I need a shoulder to cry on.I'm really struggling with DD2,she is 5 months & seems so unhappy all the time & unless she is eating or sleeping,is very unsettled & cries nearly all day.I know she would like more attention,but I have a two year old dd1 to cope with too,so can't sit & hold her for hours.She seems a very bright baby & is frantically trying to roll over & crawl,so she may be crying from boredom/frustration-I just don't know anymore.

She gets very tired & fights sleep like you wouldn't believe.I have stayed in in an attempt to get her to nap for more than half an hour,but it has only worked a few times & isn't fair on dd1.

DD1 has become very whiney & has started doing a sort of 'pretend' crying to get my attention.I am sure that she's doing it because she sees me trying to calm down dd2 when she cries & wants my attention to.If I ask her why she's crying,she doesn't answer or says that shes sad.

Our walls are very thin & I know that our neighbours can hear us.DH was away all day on Saturday & after 12 hours of trying to entertain them both & listening to one or the other of them crying all day,I lost it & shouted at dd2.She is only a baby & I felt awful-she is trying to tell me something is wrong,but I don't know what it is.

I am going back to work next week & am actually looking forward to it.But I feel guilty that I can't cope with my girls to the extent that I am looking forward to not being with them.

Please someone,tell me that it won't always be like this?

[hunkerpumpkin]

Oh, Mirage A baby who cries all the time is not company you'd choose - please don't beat yourself up about not being able to smile about it all.

Please look forward to going back to work - it's nice to be able to eat a meal in peace, read the paper, etc.

It sounds like once she can sit up and move about a bit she'll be happier - I know several babies who have been like this - some are just not happy to be babies and are the cheeriest sunniest little things once they can get about.

It's natural to want to have a break from something that's so upsetting for you - and your child crying is bound to be upsetting you. So take that break - will DH look after them while you meet a friend for dinner, for instance? Or take a book and go by yourself!

And no, it won't always be like this. They'll get bigger, and you'll look back on it with rosy-tinted specs, I promise.

[fimac1]

Did you have a difficult delivery with dd2? If so would you consider seeing a cranial ostepath to rule out any problems they can sort out

Good luck - we had fantastic results with dd sleep probs from Cranial ostepathy treatment -

[GillL]

My dd used to be the same around that age and I couldn't wait to go back to work. She rolled around 12 weeks and would get frustrated because she couldn't do anything when she was on her tummy. I couldn't get anything done because I had to hold/entertain her all day. When she learned to commando crawl she was like a different baby. She's so much happier now that I actually look forward to spending all day with her at the weekends. I still love being at work. Hopefully your dd2 will go the same way soon. Good luck.

[Mirage]

Thanks everyone.Lockets i believe that our babies were competing for the title of 'Worst Sleeper' at one point too.They sound very similar.Your little girl is gorgeous & I'm so glad that she is happier now.Its horrible when they seem so miserable.

Hunkerpumpkin,thanks too,I took your advice & left them both with my mum whilst I went shopping with my sister today & had a few hours away from them both.It was great,although I did keep wondering how my mum was coping with the both of them.She was fine though,she is an ex nursery nurse & can cope with screamers.I keep telling myself that they are only tiny for a short while & it will be gone in the blink of an eye.

fimac1,thanks for the suggestion,I may try it.She didn't have a difficult delivery,but it was very fast 90 minutes from start to finish.Do you think a fast delivery could have upset her like a difficult delivery could have?I hadn't really though of it before.

[fimac1]

Mirage - Yes! Apparently the fast delivery affects the head platelets as they are designed for a slowish delivery in where they can mould to the shape of the birth canal - in an extremly fast delivery all this goes out of the window so to speak and the baby is left with unresolved

Article is c&p from many I found on Google explaining it better than I can (put in fast delivery and cranial osteopathy) We saw one from the Sutherland instititute:


This short journey is probably one of the most difficult we ever encounter, but it was what we were designed to do, and there are helpful measures to ease the passage, such as flexibility of the bones of the head, including their ability to overlap, and maternal hormones that allow the pelvic ligaments to give enough to widen the pelvic outlet width. Problems can arise from this journey, but more usually they occur if the overall plan is altered.

Often the strong contractions will begin without enough cervical dilation, so the baby's head won't fit through the exit from the womb. The baby is forced, head downwards, onto the unyielding cervix and pelvic bones. The large forces produced by such repetitive movements can not only traumatise the baby's soft, flexibly boned head, but also cause the infant physiological and psychological stress.

As the baby leaves the womb it enters the birth canal where it has to undergo a number of twists and turns before it finally arrives into the world. These twists and turns help to mould the baby's head, but problems can occur if either the baby's passage is TOO FAST, when the head doesn't get enough time to get properly moulded, or if it gets stuck and it's too slow, the head and body can get squashed and the baby can get very stressed.


PS My friends dd was born half an hour after being admitted! and she had to go for several treatments to severe reflux and colic - dd is now fine, good luck

[hunkerpumpkin]

Have been thinking of you, Mirage - was going to bump your thread this evening to ask how you were doing. Very glad you've had some time away - it makes a big difference, IME.

Give cranial osteopathy a go - if it doesn't work, you've lost nothing (ask for a money-back guarantee ) and if it does work...wow!

And please be kind to me when I'm posting with tears dripping off my chin early next year after DB's born

[Tatties]

Mirage, my 6mth old ds sounds similar. He whines quite a bit and needs constant entertaining. It is really hard to listen to all day isn't it? He isn't sitting unaided yet and I think he is just frustrated because he can see all these things he wants to do but can't quite get there yet! I am hoping things will improve once he can move about. He is also a nightmare to get to sleep and I am lucky if I get a couple of hour long naps in the day. He always wakes at least twice in the night, only to be settled by BF. I wouldn't swap ds for the world but sometimes I wonder what I did to get such a high-maintenance baby! I think we need to console ourselves with the fact that all this probably means that our very alert, curious babies will turn into intelligent children.
Hope things improve for you and good luck xx

[Mirage]

Well here I am again.we had a few good days,but the crying jags seem to have returned with a vengeance.I was so stressed out with her today that I told her to shut up & was then horrified to hear 2 year old dd1 echoing me & saying 'shut up baby xxx'.

I rang my HV today & she is coming out to see me on Weds afternoon.I think the fact that I am struggling with 2 small children have recently moved house & have a history of PND has concerned them.

DD2 can roll over now,but can't roll back,so screams with frustration whenever she gets stuck on her tummy.The one light at the end of the tunnel,is that dd2 finds dd1 fascinating & loves to watch her playing.DD1 can usually make her laugh.

My sister nannies for a little girl who was exactly the same,but improved no end once she could sit up & was the happiest little thing ever as soon as she could crawl.I really hope dd2 does the same thing.

I've mentioned the cranial osteopathy to dh,but he's not enthusiastic.I think it would help,so will keep on at him.

Hunkerpumpkin,when is your baby due? What age gap will you have? I promise that you can cry on my shoulder if need be.I'm sure it'll all be fine though

[Mojomummy]

mirage, I really recommend the cranial osteopathy. They can feel interesting things with their hands & they do vrey gentle manipulation. Your HV should be able to recommend one for you.

Do you know why your DH isn't keen ?

[aloha]

Mirage, why worry about your dh? Just take her if you want to. Don't expect miracles though.

Sympathies. It sounds very hard. Do you get out a lot? For me, endless walking was my salvation with my two. We were out all day at first, dd in her pram, ds riding proudly on the buggy board.

[Tatties]

So Mirage how are things? Little ray of hope in that my ds has been sitting unaided for about a week now, and that has definitely improved things. And I agree with Aloha, get out and about if you aren't already doing so, it really helps. Long walks and leaf-kicking are lovely at this time of year, will cheer you and the babies up

[highlander]

sounds you have a bright, inquistive baby. Do you have access to a Baby Bjorn or any other type of sling? My DS was very whingy unless I was carrying him around. I wouldn't say he was very clingy - just very intereested in the world around him. I kid you not - the week he learned to crawl and pull himself up to stand, his personality transformed over night.

With your other DD, I guess carrying DD2 around is not ideal, but try and see the world from her brain. Everyone is mobile, communicating with each other and she is just stuck, unable to communicate her desires. If you were stuck down at floor level wouldn't you be desperate to get up to mum's level and see what was going on?

I do sympathise - I too lost it with DS a few times, screaming at him ' what the f*ck is it you want??' or leaving him screaming on the floor whilst I cried in the loo.

Lately, I've found a book, 'The Socail Toddler' very helpful. Apparently the same authors wrote 'The Social Baby' - maybe this might help you to understand the way DD2 thinks?

Best of luck xxxxxx

[Tatties]

Highlander, my ds has gone through phases of wanting to be carried all the time, but he too is not a 'clingy' baby, just wanted to be up on our level to see what was going on. I think sometimes when you say your baby won't let you put him down people assume they are spoilt and clingy. Not true, just bright and inquisitive

[fimac1]

Mirage

I have been wondering how you were getting on, if he is resistant you can assure him that the treatment is so minimal (to the lay-persons eye iykwim!) that I couldn't even see any movement with the treatment - it was more like he was just holding her head - was pretty sceptical (and resistant myself - imagined her going through various contortions to be put right!) hence leaving it until 5 years - it is so gentle that there is nothing to worry about - honest!

Hope you manage to talk him round for everyones sake - maybe he could go and speak to the CO beforehand so that he could ask any questions?

[highlander]

ooh tatties - you've cleary had the same comments directed at you that I received!

[littlemissy]

Your baby sounds just like mine. She used to cry all the time until she started crawling at 6 months. She is now generally a very happy baby, and has bags of personality. I used to look at other babies who just sat there quietly and kind of wish my dd would be more like that. Now I look around and those babies are still doing the same thing, while mine is constantly reaching a new milestone early. She still does have her moments when she'll cry but I just think it's out of frustration as she gets bored easily.

I hope it does get better soon.

[compo]

Have you got a bumbo seat? They are really good for when the baby can't sit on their own as they are moe upright in them than a bouncy chair. Ds loved his at this age

[Mirage]

Thanks for remembering me everyone-made me feel a bit weepy that people cared enough to ask !

Happylocketsthesmiler-I'm in Leicestershire.We live in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere,so lots of leaf kicking walks at the minute.They save my sanity-it is far easier to deal with crying whilst out in the fresh air.

I'm so pleased that your dd is still happy-I think about how similar she was to dd2 & feel that there is hope for us.

Thankyou to everyone who responded with their experiences.It really does make a difference to hear that other people have had miserable babies & survived with sanity intact.I'm not sure why dh is anti the cranial osteopathy,but may just take her anyway.DH seems to think that there is nothing wrong,but even he gets frustrated with her crying & he is out at work from 8-6,so only sees a tiny amount of what I deal with.

As expected,the HV was worse than useless.DD2,little madam,was a happy smiley baby whilst she was here,although even when happy,she is loud.She did a lot of shouting & yelling & the HV noted that she was very vocal.HV seems to think it is a combination of reflux,frustration & dd2 picking up on me getting stressed.Stressed-ha,whilst the HV was here,dd1 wet herself,refused to put dry pants on & trumped very loudly,cried because I wouldn't let her watch tv & crawled all over me whilst I was trying to hold dd2.Simultaneously DD2 weed all over me & was sick.Why would I be stressed?

Tatties & Highlander-the HV said that some of it may be attention seeeking/clingyness & not to pander to it.FGS,shes not even 6 months old & the only way she can get my attention is to cry.The point about dd2 being imobile whilst watching everyone else walk about is a very good one.I hadn't thought about it like that.

Compo-will look into getting a bumbo-dd2 loves the baby bouncer as she can see what is going on,so would probably love one.

GillL,MamaG,Psychobabble,Mojomummy,Aloha,fimac1 & littlemissy,thanks for telling me about your babies too.It does help to know that your dc's changed temperment as they developed.I hope dd2 follows suit.

[fimac1]

Mirage

Not sure if it will help as it sounds like your probs are related to jealously on behalf of dd2 a bit? and generally feeling like you are maybe not coping too well? Dd2 sounds like she really played you up today! I feel really sorry for you - does dd1 go to playgroup or nursery? It sounds like she could do with something to occupy her a bit more - I remember 2 really well with my ds - he was a little so-and-so! Right as rain when he started pre-school 5 mornings a week though! Looking back he was probably bored being at home with me (although he did do playgroup once a week - it was probably not enough) I know its hard - just to let you know many of us have been there - ds now 7 and dd 10 -it does get better!

Take care