In praise of only children - the great things about having just one!

(260 Posts)
flobbleflobble Mon 04-Jul-05 18:54:53

Just wanted to start a positive thread about how fab it is to have an only child! In reaction to all the threads worrying about how sub-optimal some folk find it not to have more than one...

So here goes - to start off a list in praise of only children :

- you can take them to stuff appropriate to their age group without having to drag along a disinterested sibling

- peace and calm at home with no sibling rivalry and squabbles/ violence

- you can do something with another family without involving 2 cars/people carrier

- far easier to combine one child with work/social committments

- easier to provide financially for 1 child

milosmum Mon 04-Jul-05 19:26:36

yes- there is always one of us to give him the attention he needs!

flobbleflobble Mon 04-Jul-05 19:27:26

No guilt about taking fewer photos of subsequent children

GeorginaA Mon 04-Jul-05 19:27:31

heh milosmum, they ask that still when you have two kids, shrug it off

flobbleflobble Mon 04-Jul-05 19:28:39

You avoid double stretch marks and more importantly birth

GeorginaA Mon 04-Jul-05 19:29:05

(that sounded brusque... what I mean is, some people just seem to use "when's the next one?" as a conversation filler... they don't mean anything by it... I don't take anything from it )

milosmum Mon 04-Jul-05 19:31:36

nar- georgina- i knew what you meant! not brisque at all.....

flobbleflobble Mon 04-Jul-05 19:32:39

They are happy in adult company & enjoy adults as friends

flobbleflobble Mon 04-Jul-05 19:33:54

They can genrally amuse themselves quite happily for quite long periods of time

GeorginaA Mon 04-Jul-05 19:36:49

Generally fairly self-sufficient (or at least, I like to think that I am!)

milosmum Mon 04-Jul-05 19:39:49

alot of people have told me that the first is always very independant but subsiquent children can be rather clingy.....

vicdubya Mon 04-Jul-05 20:30:56

Ds probably giong to be an only one, not through choice, so liking this thread.

I do worry tho...

Donbean Mon 04-Jul-05 20:35:58

I know what you are all saying and i totally am nodding along to it all....but i cant help it....i want another baby.
I want to be pregnant again, scans, feel it move get excited at the thought of seeing its little face and of ds having a baby brother or sister.....i cant help myself.....
Im ashamed !!!!!!!

Rainbow Mon 04-Jul-05 20:40:16

DS1 was 6 when DS2 came along. So here's what I miss (though i would change nothing except their attitudes)

We could go in a car with my parents we now have to follow in our car and get lost!(no sense of direction)

More day trips - we could just go now I have to work our finances for 3.

Room - my house seems so crowded now.
Trips to the shops were fairly uncomplicated. Now I have to strap in two either side of the car while DS1 straps himself in.

Peace and quiet - no fighting, arguing or squabbling.

Bedtime - one story over and done with in 1/2 hour instead of the 3 it takes now.

Being able to watch DS1 play football - DS2 and 3 are too young and won't stay put long enough so I drop DS1 off and pick him up later

katierocket Mon 04-Jul-05 20:41:50

rainbow, can I just ask you how you found that age gap? i.e. 6 years between 1st and 2nd

Lilypad Mon 04-Jul-05 20:42:14

I like this thread, I have never had an only child (twins 1st try) I don't know what its likeLilypad's friend

Mandymoo Mon 04-Jul-05 20:55:15

Never imagined just having the one but as time goes by (DD is now 2.6) I'm getting less and less into the idea - I've got some of my life back (yes, selfish i know) and DD has lots of little friends plus cousins near her age. I must admit - i don;t think i will be plannig to have any more but never say never i guess. Can't imagine loving another child as much but obviously i know lots of other people do it. Brill thread XX

flobbleflobble Tue 05-Jul-05 08:22:27

You can buy a beautiful outfit for your child which cost a bit too much - or an extra pair of shoes - without needing to go out and buy the same again for a brother/sister

Less guilt because when 2 children are desperate for your attention you can only give it to one

It's more relaxing when you are out to have just one child to watch

You get invited out more as the bigger the family the harder it is for others to accommodate them

flobbleflobble Tue 05-Jul-05 08:24:49

No need to complete a second pregnancy with an older body - no novelty value second time round, and not nearly so much fuss made of the mother - and it must be hard work to be pregnant and have a child to look after at the same time

starrynight Tue 05-Jul-05 09:36:55

I am pg with no.4 but had a 5 yr age gap between 1 & 2. The things I miss are mainly:

a calm house,

manageable washing/tidying up/cooking,

could survive on less money & in a smaller house with a smaller car,

being satisfied with the amount of attention that I could give my child (that stage is long gone & I have to hope for the best now!),

walking along the road with one child and smiling smugly at mums struggling with a crowd,

having time to do the hobbies,

having more time for myself...

god the list could go on... Why am I having no.4??????????????? Ah well, too late now

starrynight Tue 05-Jul-05 09:38:23

I think there are definate advantages to having one child - so nobody should feel bad about it. I look back on that time with real fondness. One day i'll get my life back (but when??)

lilybird Tue 05-Jul-05 09:44:48

thank you soooo much for starting this thread, i often feel guilty about this subject.
we had a conversation on sat, because all our friends have now got two children, and everyone was asking us when we having another, but i don't see why we should because everyone else has!
but i was made to feel very selfish.

starrynight Tue 05-Jul-05 09:50:56

Lily, people are very insensitive - unless you have 2 children they think you are a freak. If you have one they think you are selfish, if you have 3 or more they think you are selfish. You just have to ignore the foolish ignoramuses.

Slink Tue 05-Jul-05 09:52:35

Thank you thank you for this thread. I started one a while ago when i was dithering about just having one and felt better knowing that it is ok, and she will not be a selfish insecure little girl and is infact beautiful, confident happy (and so am i) that our time togethere (oops and dh) is great.

wilfulwife Tue 05-Jul-05 10:01:26

Another thing I have found as my ds gets older is that he does have some really good quality friendships!!His friends really enjoy coming round to play and there are no littleys or older siblings spoiling things,also we do lots of trips with ds and friends.I honestly don't think having an only means a child conforming to the awful onlychild stereotype - it's easy,basically you don't let your child do exactly what they want when they want,their choices/likes are not always dominant etc.I supose with one itwould be easy to let them call all the shots ,you just don't let them,my ds is definately more aware of others and their feelings/needs than any of his siblinged friends,he is also more pliable and ameanable to not always getting his way.

bolekilolek Tue 05-Jul-05 10:14:24

I really liked the idea of having only 1 child BUT now am pregnant with number 2 and one of the reasons for that was that I have never met a nice (unselfish, unspoilt and on and on and on) ADULT who grew up as an only child ...

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