Expats - What Has Changed? What Won't Change?

[NotQuiteCockney]

As an expat (Canadian in the UK), I'm very aware of what I've changed. I now say "mum". I like queueing. I use lots of British constructions. My accent has even drifted a bit (although only DH can tell. Other people say my accent is still quite strong).

But - I will not drink tea. I will not listen to the Archers. I think that doing either of these would mean I have "gone native", and it would be time to go home.

Do any other expats (to anywhere, from anywhere) have similar lists?

[tex111]

Hi! I've been here almost 12 years and so many things have changed! My accent has become very transatlantic over time and my vocabulary and sentence construction is more British than Texan. I do lapse back into a drawl when I'm home but it's never quite the same anymore.

I've found there's nothing more comforting than a cup of tea (even admit to taking teabags to Texas when we visit!), watched Eastenders until the storylines became so boring, have learned to embrace National Health (most of the time), driving on the left has become instinct, have started to lose touch with American popular culture and constantly have to have jokes explained to me when we're in the States.

BUT, still can't abide 'Mum' and insist on 'Mom' or even 'Mama', have to have lots of ice in cold drinks, and I'm probably often considered rude because I find the whole 'excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you but if it isn't a problem could you please...' approach difficult to master.

NQC, how long have you been in England?

[NotQuiteCockney]

Oh, yeah, I can't do the long preamble. It just seems more annoying - if I'm bothering someone, I should just hurry up and bother them.

Anyway, Brits seem to shrug off any sort of misbehaviour if you sound North American or Aussie. So they probably just think you're quaint, not rude.

I've been here for ... hmmm ... 10 years? I think?

[tex111]

So, do you consider yourself a lifer? I can't imagine ever going back. It's been too long. I'd be like a fish out of water again. Things have changed so much in the States since I've been away. We go back for about 2-4 weeks every year but it's not enough to really get back into it all again. Do you get home very often?

[NotQuiteCockney]

I think I'm a lifer. I get homesick and think about moving back, every year before our visit. Once I'm home for a bit, I realise, no, I'm not moving back.

We go back every year, for 2-4 weeks.

One of the annoying things is, one of my motives for moving was wanting to be in a country that had a foreign policy other than "yes Mr President, whatever you say sir". Looks like I got that wrong!

Anyway, DH is very very English, I don't think he'd survive Canada. He gets very fed up (understandably) of people talking to him about his accent.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Is your DP/DH British?

I'm wondering how my parents will cope with having a grandson who says "bo'le of wa'er" (bottle of water) like a real Cockney. It will be weird going home with a properly English-sounding DS, as last year he was only about 2.5 and his accent wasn't so obvious.

[Janh]

When we lived in America (4 years) I eventually started using some American words, like movies and gas and elevator and sidewalk, but refused to use American pronunciations eg tomayto and never lost my accent.

I learnt the songs though - Star Spangled Banner and the sea-to-shining-sea one (is it called America the Beautiful?)

[tex111]

I'm the same. I get all nostalgic before and trip and then three days into it I'm dying to come back to England. I did a long visit with my parents in May and about halfway through I watched a press conference with Tony Blair and when he paused to sip a cup of tea I almost cried! I so missed England.

My DH is English too. We lived in Texas for 18 months when we first married and he was fine with it then but I think the novelty has worn off. We went back for my highschool reunion a few years ago and people kept getting DH to say 'shagadelic' and 'do I make you horny'. He played along but it definitely got old very quickly.

Are Canadians very 'yes Mr President'? I've never been to Canada but I generally think of Canadians as being quite international and thinking people. More so than Americans as a whole.

[NotQuiteCockney]

No, Canadians aren't very "yes Mr President". But we had governments who were, for a while. We don't right now, the Canadians aren't in Iraq, for one thing.

Actually, if you criticise almost anything in Canada, they immediately say, "oh, it's much worse in the US". Well, they certainly always do this if you comment on the number of flags everywhere (something I only noticed when DH pointed it out).

Does your DH sound like a Canadian doing a Liverpudlian accent then? How strange.

I like the fact that Brits (well, Londoners) only really refer to foreign accents gently. I know this is because they see them as a handicap, and wouldn't say "so, you're foreign", any more than they'd say "so, you're blind", but it's still less annoying than having it mentioned all the flinging-flanging time!

[tex111]

Janh, yep, that's America the Beautiful. We learned it at school but now I'm trying to remember it all. Been a while since I sang it.

It's true that I never say to-mah-to or ba-nah-na. Can't bring myself to say herbs with the 'h' either.

NQC, my DS is almost 3 and on our last visit my parents loved his accent. Most people find it quite mixed but my family always pick up on the English sounds and DH's family always notice the American. DS does say things like 'you guys' and 'that's cool' which I guess I still use but he says motorway, biscuits, ice lollies, etc. I do try to translate and teach him the different vocabs for each country. He soon learned what a popsicle was!

[NotQuiteCockney]

dinosaur, lots of Brits seem to listen to them, though!

Um ... where were you before 1974? I can't work out which is more polite, assuming you were born then, or assuming you're foreign? (I am completely rubbish at guessing ages.)

(One of my local friends lived in Vancouver until she was 4 or something. She seems to think this makes her Canadian. Which is like, er, no. Vancouver isn't really part of Canada, at least not the part of Canada I'm from, and she totally sounds, and is, British.)

[NotQuiteCockney]

tex111, my DS1 seems to change his pronunciation for whomever he's talking to. But I know he'll sound English in the long run - he is English, really.

But he's picked up the Cockney glottal stop at the moment, so he doesn't say his "t"s. Drives me bonkers, but there ya go.

[Gem13]

NQC - where are you from? We're considering moving out to Canada.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Ah, yes, I can sortof hear that, and you've referred to that before. Do you see yourself as being Irish more than English? Are there things you don't do becuase you're not English? (Like listen to the Archers?)

I even know one other immigrant (a bit more recent than me, even) who is hooked on the Archers and tea. Everyone has their own standards for going native, though.

Oh, another thing I won't do, is eat my meat well-done. Gah.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Gem13, I'm from Toronto and Montreal. I know a bit about the east coast (there is a Halifax woman who comes here), and nearly nothing about the west coast.

Which bit are you considering? And why?

[tex111]

Oh, the flags! Yes, something I've started to notice. In Texas it's not just US flags it's Lone Star flags everywhere too. One of my parents' neighbors actually painted his whole garage door like the Lone Star. Seems odd to me now.

That's so true about Londoners and foreigners. I guess we just didn't get many foreigners in Dallas when I was growing up. I remember one kid moving down from New York and he was considered very exotic.

I remember when we first came to England I was working in Cambridge and one day, about six months after I'd started, I had a colleague say 'Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?'. I was a bit daunted, not knowing what to expect, but said sure. He asked where I was from!! It cracked my up that my nationality was considered 'personal' but apparently there was a pool going on around the building about my nationality and no one had thought it appropriate to just ask.

[NotQuiteCockney]

I don't entirely think of myself as being from anywhere now. I left Toronto, where I grew up, when I was 18, to live in Montreal, where I was foreign. Then I moved here at 26. So I'm just used to being foreign all the time. Home for me is Toronto and Montreal, but they're hundreds of miles apart.

Actually, I do think of myself as a Londoner. But not English or British.

[sansouci]

whaddya mean, Vancouver isn't part of Canada!?

[NotQuiteCockney]

But you see, tex, being a foreigner is a handicap, an infirmity. You wouldn't casually ask someone "so, what happened to your leg?" or "what is wrong with your face?". Similarly, you wouldn't ask "how are you not from England?". It' would be rude, calling attention to someone's disability like that.

[NotQuiteCockney]

What I said, it's not part of Canada. Not really. It only got added pretty recently, so it doesn't count.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Also, I've not really been there since I was four, so that makes it not count twice as much.

[tex111]

NQC, lol!! I've never thought of it that way but yes, I see your point. Whenever I say I'm American, especially Texan, I do detect a touch of pity in the eyes of a Brit.