Surgical, medical or natural?

[JE17]

I've just been for an early scan (10 wks) and discovered that the baby does not have a heartbeat. Whilst I was trying to take this in, the nurse was describing the various options which are available to me now. I have come away from the hospital with a leaflet to look (with the rather grim title I have put as the subject title). I wondered if anybody has any advice on the various options. I'm really unsure what to do next. Thanks.

[lilmissmummy]

I had surgical because I couldnt bear to carry around the baby for however long and I hated the thought of passing it naturally.

The surgery was fine, not painful with only very slight aching and a small amount of bleeding after. I was home just after lunch and found I was able to deal with my grief without still having it inside me. The nurses were lovely and I felt I had made the right decidion

I think it is a totally personal decision and one that you need to think long and hard about. It took me about 5 days to decide what I wanted to do. Just dont be rushed into a decision.

[lilmissmummy]

I had surgical because I couldnt bear to carry around the baby for however long and I hated the thought of passing it naturally.

The surgery was fine, not painful with only very slight aching and a small amount of bleeding after. I was home just after lunch and found I was able to deal with my grief without still having it inside me. The nurses were lovely and I felt I had made the right decision

I think it is a totally personal decision and one that you need to think long and hard about. It took me about 5 days to decide what I wanted to do. Just dont be rushed into a decision.

[musicposy]

My mmc was just over 3 weeks ago in circumstances jsut like yours. I went for surgical and I think it was the right decision for me. The op was very quick, not much pain afterwards (easily controlled with paracetamol) and bleeding lighter than a normal period.

I went for it because I was too much of a coward to do medical and I couldn't bear waiting for the inevitable. Also our hospital blesss the remains and take to the crematorium and I liked that idea. The idea of possibly seeing something at home (I was a few days off your stage) was something I couldn't face.

Hopefully someone else will come along who had medical/ expectant management so you can weigh up the pros and cons. At the end of the day I'd go with your gut feeling.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's an awful thing to have to cope with. Dealing with the shock is hard. Keep posting on here if you need more support. xx

[DuelingFanjo]

I was only offered medical or natural when I miscarried and I would never go down the medical route again. I found it incredibly painful (physically) and was left to do it at home. The pain killers they gave me made me vomit and the whole experience was just awful.

So sorry to hear of your loss

[batteryhen]

I am so sorry for your loss Your case is so similar to mine. I opted for a medical, but really wanted surgery. The dr at my hospital really swayed me away from surgery, so I ended up with a medical evacuation (horrible term). I now wish I had stuck to my guns and had surgery. Not only did I not pass the 'products' (another horrible term) in hospital, its over a month now and I am still bleeding, still showing a positive test, and have to go for another scan on Thursday. However another woman was there and she had passed all that she had to and was home by lunch time. It really is a personal choice - one that I wish we didn't have to make Whatever you go with, I send you big hugs and luck xx

[sweetkitty]

Sorry to hear of your loss

I had a natural but wish I had gone for surgical. I had heavy bleeding at home and 2 other DC to care for, it was probably one of the worst times of my life

Whatever option you chose, take care of yourself and allow yourself time to grieve for your lost baby and don't allow anyone to tell you it was for the best and you were only early on.

[Lotta123]

Sorry to hear of your loss. Big hug.

And totally agree that the names are dreadful! They need to remain the three possible ways to manage a miscarriage.

I had a natural miscarriage. I was due to have a medical management one the next day but my body took over.

Mine was a missed miscarriage as the baby was only about 6wks according to the scan and we thought we were close to 10 weeks.

I found a natural miscarriage very painful because I wasn't on strong pain killers and I did have to be rushed to hospital and was kept in overnight.

Tops of my legs ached and my stomach felt like it was being torn apart. I also started throwing up. I have heavy periods and this was much more painful than cramps because I just couldn't get comfortable.

I passed two large bits and each time it was painful but when I had the right painkillers it was manageable and only lasted a few hours. I also bled like a heavy period.

If you opt to have a natural miscarriage ask the doctor to prescribe you with Naproxen or something as strong. It can make you bleed more but it's strong stuff. They give it to women after a C-section.

I'm scared of operations so a natural miscarriage was the best option for me.

Go for whatever suits you best.

Make sure you a) have people around to look after you (my husband lay alongside me when I was in pain and it really comforted me) and b) tell people to send you flowers after the hospital bit - it helped me!

Thinking of you.

[Cerubina]

Sorry for your loss . I lost a baby at 10 weeks last year and another at 7 weeks this year. Both times I opted for natural - but with the first one nothing happened for two weeks and the waiting was too hard. You can't begin your recovery until it is over, I felt, so in the end I did ask for an ERPC and found it fine (as much as it could be). A sad experience but the physical recovery was OK.

The second one I was told I couldn't get a slot at the hospital for almost a week anyway so I had to wait and the process started by itself in that time. It wasn't painful, and I didn't see anything unpleasant, but it was an earlier stage than you are at so perhaps that would be expected. Again, physical recovery was OK.

I think an ERPC does let you start the process of recovery more quickly, and cuts out the waiting and anticipation, so it is a "good" option. You may feel a bit like you are just one of many with the doctors and nurses though, so although they were perfectly nice it is just routine to them. Take someone with you to cuddle up to while you are waiting and make sure you are looked after for a couple of days afterwards.

[randomimposter]

JE17 - so sorry.

Have had 2 MMCs (at 13 weeks, and then at 11) in the last year. Had an ERPC first time; hate operations but actually this was fine. Physically recovered very quickly; in and out as a day patient.

Second time there was a 2 week wait for surgery, and I MC naturally whilst waiting. At the time I found it quite scary, had 5 hours of intense blood loss (literally couldn't leave the bathroom, rotated from loo to shower to bath..) but it wasn't that painful (few cramps) and you avoid an anaesthetic PLUS I think your body gets back to normal quicker. On reflection natural MC was fine for me too.

ERPC - it's scheduled, it's all over - you get closure quickly (if they can fit you in soon)
Natural - you're at home, you're in control BUT it could take a few days or a few weeks to start - you're in limbo for a while.

The only thing I have heard about medical management (and from a number of sources) is that it is quite painful.

Good luck - and take care of yourself. Allow time to grieve.

[Jakey87]

hi there, so sorry for you loss.
i had medical management just over a week ago. after waiting 9 weeks for things to happen naturally nothing happened and my head was realy messed up so i chose the medical option but i found it to be sheer hell, very painfull and lots of heavy bleeding. my body still didnt pass the "product" as the hospital put it and i ended up having a doctor open my cervix and remove anything that was left by hand. a rather painfull experience physicaly and mentaly,i ended up being in hospital 2 days. i was later told this was done for my own good as i was bleeding too much.
on the other hand there was a woman in the same ward as me and she passed everything straight away and was in and out of hospital in half a day.
i know this is a terrible choice to have to make but i guess everyone is different and our bodies will cope in different ways with different methods.
like the others said dont rush into a desition straight away because you have to live with whatever you choose, not just the physical side but also the mental side of things.
take care hun, hope all goes well for you in whichever option u choose. my thoughts are with you x

[JE17]

Thank you everybody for your kind words and for sharing your experiences. I have decided to opt for the surgical route as I don't like the thought of being in limbo while waiting for nature to take its course.

I am heading off to the hospital this morning and I'm sure I feel a little bit better than I would have done thaks to your support and having all your best wishes to take with me.

[nomorewine]

Sorry for your loss.

I found out I had had a MMC 3 weeks ago & opted for the ERPC.
Had a natural miscarriage years ago & found the pain unbearable, then had to have the op after anyway, as my body hadn't got rid of it all. Didn't want a repeat of that experience.

The ERPC was a very simple op - I was sitting up feeling fine straight after op (even managed to send texts as soon as I came round!) & didn't have too much pain or bleeding after.

All the best with it all. It is a tough thing to go through. x

[meatntattypie]

Hi,
I had an unexpected mc at 7 weeks, didnt know it was going to happen, 1st pregnancy.

Then 2nd mc I had a natural mc after bieng told i would mc at 6 weeks, didnt actually mc till i was 13 weeks. The wait was torture the pain like wise.

then i had 2 medically managed mcs.pesseries and drugs.
Very very painful, needed gas & air, morphine, tramadol and paracetamol. Still had contractions evrery 5 minuites from 8pm till 10 am the next day when i finally passed (onto the toilet floor) the sac and baby.
Last mc again was natural (10 weeks) didnt expect it, cos no one has 5 mcs do they??
Needed hospital treatment, gas and air, morphine tramadol again..the works
Horrific.

5 mcs all in all,given up now, cant do it again.

[meatntattypie]

meant to say, get the painkillers.
Its not always that painful for every one, for some it is, so dont turn down the painkillers. and look after yourself, it will take some time to recover, physically and mentally, just take your time and allow yourself to cry if you want to, and grieve.

[nomorewine]

Goodness, how awful for you, meatntattypie. Can't imagine having to go through it 5 times. I am terrified of going through it again. It has really knocked me for six. So sorry.

[twincy]

I am 10 weeks and the docs confirmed that there is no baby. My HCG levels dropped from 160k to 97k within a week. I am so struggling with what to do. Do I wait this out and miscarry naturally or just get it over with through a D&C. I am leaning towards naturally because I hate surgery, anesthesia and What if they missed the baby. How could I live with myself. But this waiting is hard. They told me this last week but I am still here feeling pregnant with no baby in sight. This is so hard. I am so down and helpless. Well, I am sorry for everyone else that has gone through this, thanks for sharing your experiences it has helped me to think about a lot of things. I pray God's blessings on all of you.

[fordypops]

I am 9 weeks and found out today that I have lost my baby, when i was scanned there was a sac but no baby :-( I feel really numb, like its not really happening adn that i'll wake up tomorrow and all will be well.

I have chosen the surgical route, I juat want it to be done and they said i should be out by lunchtime as long as I can walk,eat and wee. I think then I can try and focus on moving forward instead of this limbo I am in right now....I only have to wait until monday thank goodness.

I am so so sorry to hear about everyones losses and hope you all ahve lots of support at home x x x

[Velvetcu]

Hi fordypops

I'm 10 weeks and the same thing happened to me today too :-(

I can't decide what to do - I just want it to be all over with now too.

Let me know how it goes for you.

[Mercedes519]

I had a MMC before christms of a long awaited pregnancy and I found it as hard as MNetters are saying here. It shows how horribly common it is but it still knocked it right out of me.

I had an ERPC and found that fine, bit scary hospital stuff but over quickly in a day and reassuring that it was all sorted.

What I found helped was to do something that was to specifically mourn the baby. DH and I went out into the Peak District and climbed a really big hill and I just sat at the top and really thought about the baby and saying goodbye to it. It helped me as I felt I had something that acknowledged in my memory that this baby had been and now wasn't so when I think about it I also think about that day and how that day was about that baby so it won't be forgotten.

[fordypops]

oh velvetcu i am so sorry, I still feel so numb. I am a hairdresser and my boss is being amazing about it all, I just can't imagine being ready to go back to work and talking to people but I going to just take it one day at a time.

mercedes thats such a good idea, I am not sure what I am going to do but it will be something.

[Velvetcu]

I think I will go for the ERPC - we have private health insurance that covers it anyway. It just seems so final and although I know its not possible (I saw the big empty space un the US) I keep thinking what if they were wrong?

how long were you off work for afterwards? I'm a teacher so was thinking if I try and get it next week it would be good as it is half term the week after that.

I went into work this morning but I had to come home again - I couldnt bear the thought of standing in a room fool of stroppy ungrateful teenagers

fordypops DH keeps asking me what I'm thinking but I cant begin to describe it! I dont even know myself.

[fordypops]

I know, I just feel empty, sad numb,I have cried quite alot today, and also slept alot as I didnt sleep that well last night. my boyf keeps telling me its not my fault and I didn't do anything wrong but its not that simple in my head :-( Iknow what you mean about it maybe being wrong but all my symptoms have gone, my boobs are back where they were and I have a pretty constant tummyache now.

I havent got out of my jimjams today..i just cant face it.

hope you are ok honey, even though Iknow like me you're really not xx

[Velvetcu]

I still have all of my symptoms - I think I would find it a little easier if they werent there!

I have cried all day and I'm annoyed with my body for not recognising what is going on.

My mum and sister just turned up with my 3 week old niece - I don't know why they thought that was a good idea!!

My mum has just been saying all the usual rubbish like "it's just one of those things" and "you can try again soon". I've told her that none of that matters - this one was unplanned so we wont be trying again soon! It doesnt make it any easier right now.

[fordypops]

oh that must be so so hard to be around a baby, poor you. Mine was unplanned too, I'm pretty sure I won't be trying anytime soon either. my family are all being great and staying away, i dont know how i would cope with people around me but they are all calling me alot.

My nan is also in the same hospital right now i should be going to see her tonight but i just can't imagine going back to the hospital but i may have to suck it up tomorrow otherwise she will know somethings up and i don't want her to know right now.

take care of you velvetcu and hopefully your body will catch up soon x