Ectopic pregnancy support thread

(854 Posts)
tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 18-Mar-12 18:15:29

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock hmm)

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC sad.

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have wine, brew and thanks

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Fri 01-Mar-13 01:41:52

Sorry, that was a total vent! blush

delilahbelle Fri 01-Mar-13 11:00:15

catpuss It totally sucks doesn't it? I had so much spotting from the start I was never 100% hopeful, but I just want to wail for my babies. (mine was a twin pregnancy) DH is glad I'm alive, but as for trying again I don't know if we'll ever be ready.

Life is unfair.

iloveberries Fri 01-Mar-13 12:36:50

Just a quick one - tired nearly time for baby to arrive - exciting times for you. Keep us posted

Good news for me - the first bit of good news in over 18mths of ttc... My one remaining tube is clear and normal. I am so relieved. Burst into tears on the table. It's almost exactly a yr since my ectopic and it took me straight back to lying on the table ready to go into surgery. It's tough. Still tough. But us ladies are tough and we just get through it don't we.

Sorry I haven't got time to read all the posts but just rest assured the pain does lessen. I think you always carry it with you but for me I found a big positive came from my ectopic (though I would have gladly punched anyone who said "everything happens for a reason" at the time). I used to be such a stress bunny, always on the go, always worrying and thinking about "what next?". now I am so much more chilled, don't sweat the small stuff and really enjoy life and feel really grateful for the little things and for my ds and just grateful to be here. That took about 9mths though! I also don't get pissed off with others as much and am a lot more tolerant.

It is such a painful and traumatic thing to go through so don't give yourself a hard time for however you are feeling. Just roll with it. Love to you all x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Fri 01-Mar-13 12:40:30

Wow! Sorry for that, I was a mess yesterday.
In a better frame of mind, I got a call from EPAU this morning. My bloods have fallen to 19, <<relief>> so I'm discharged to my GP. I don't know where I stand on the whole ovary thing, but I'm assuming it was a CL she saw. They definitely think it was ectopic though, so I have to be thankful for getting off lightly really given some of your stories here. {{hug}} this really is the pits, isn't it! sad angry

delilahbelle Fri 01-Mar-13 13:45:33

Lucky you! Are you going to be trying again straight away? We need to leave it 6 months for me to fully heal, and even then I'm not sure. I'm just so scared and depressed right now, the world seems grey and horrible.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Fri 01-Mar-13 14:06:50

I'm so sorry Delilah. sad. I have had a lucky escape, and I know it could have been a lot worse. Any one of us could have died if things went differently. I hope I don't sound patronising when I say I can relate to the depression, even though my experience wasn't anywhere near as bad as it could be. I'm trying to be positive, but I haven't actually got out of bed yet today! I know there is hope, but even a few weeks wait seems like torture. 6 months is grim.
I HAVE to try again! At 37/8 I haven't got forever, and the thought of this crap being the final story I have to take with me into old age is horrible. If we do try again, there's a chance it could all go to shit, but there's a chance it won't, and I'm clinging to it! Everyone is different though, we just do what we feel we must. Big {{hugs}} to you. X

tasmaniandevilchaser Sat 02-Mar-13 05:45:34

hello everyone,
hi to tired, not long to go now! I'm 30 wks, hobbling around but still feeling very very lucky.

My ectopic was exactly a year ago and although it finally feels in the past, the anniversary has made me think about it again. I still can't find any positives about it! Maybe that I am just extra specially grateful for this baby, though after the MMC I would have been very grateful anyway. Pah!

delilah glad to hear you're on the mend. I've found counselling really helpful, though I wouldn't worry about how you're feeling, like berries says, just roll with it. There aren't any rules.

catpuss sorry you find yourself here, it really is rubbish. I felt like you, I just had to give it one more go. And I got lucky after about 5 months. Looking back I really needed that time (but I had an op so needed a bit of physical healing as well) as it was shit scary at the beginning waiting for that 1st scan. I needed to be in a fairly good place to deal with that.

berries WHOOP WHOOP for your one wonderful tube!!! grin So pleased to hear that good news, so happy for you! Just need the new meds for your DH to kick in.... It's lovely to have you back, I have been thinking of you x

hope everyone else is ok, freya, chocolate, katie and sarah?

joby21 Sun 03-Mar-13 21:41:13

Hello everyone! Sorry to see new faces on here, but glad you have found your way here and hopefully you'll find it helpful. I had my ectopic dec 2011. It was my first pregnancy and knew from the bfp that something was wrong. Since then i have had a normal pregnancy and baby joby was born on new years eve.

It has been a bit of a roller coaster year. Most of the time i don't think a lot about the ectopic, but every so often something happens that takes me right back to the time of the ectopic and i have a bit of a meltdown.

I think from experience you have to be kind to yourself. There is no right or wrong thing to feel. There is no time frame that you must be better by. For me, i had 6 weeks off work. I work 12hr shifts on my feet so physically just couldn't manage it. At that point i realised that i was just sitting at home dwelling which was not helping matters so i went back to work for my sanity! The other thing i found was just before my first af post ectopic i was a complete emotional mess. As in sitting in public sobbing. However once my period started that all went!

count fantastic news! congratulations and welcome to the world countlet!

berries Lovely to see you back and mega woop for your good remaining tube and changing semen!

tired and tas hope you are ok and keep us updated!

Hope everyone else is starting to feel sunnier xx

delilahbelle Mon 04-Mar-13 11:57:57

Today I am feeling a lot better. Both physically, as I'm now off all painkillers except the occasional paracetamol, and emotionally as I start to look to the future. I still have no energy or stamina, but hope that will improve with time.

DH is back in work tomorrow, and has had a contract extension for 6 months through today as well which is excellent news. I have lots of friends visiting me and nice things planned over the next few months - me and DH have even thought about tackling the coast to coast walk in the summer. We will be trying again, but not until I am fully physically recovered.

I am not sure how long I'm going to need off work, as my job is fairly demanding. But my GP has said I can have as long as I need - so I intend to make sure I take it. Work is not the priority it was with me a few weeks ago that's for sure.

I hope everyone is feeling more positive today.

Chocolatebeetrootcake Thu 07-Mar-13 19:43:23

hi everyone, I have been keeping up to date but as things have been the same for me for a while I've not posted anything since my initial post. However, I'm five weeks post surgery for my ectopic and physically things are much better. My belly button is sticky gooy and I've had two sets of antibiotics but i thing I've turned a corner. I had to have my dissolvable stitches removed as after five weeks they hadn't gone and dr thought they were causing infection. Things are better now and other two wounds are almost perfectly healed now. However I'm still sore internally exactly where the EP was - I'm presuming that this is from stitches etc where they took my tube? Having said this I'm back at work next week. I've decided that as many of you said there is such a thing as too much time on your hands. I randomly burst into tears at the moment but I'm hoping that having my job to focus on will help! Im also really nervous tho about people asking why ive been off six weeks and feel anxious ill have forgotten hoe to do my job but i cant avoid it forever....?! One thing I will say is that I can understand what people say about this changing your perspective on life. I just try to get through each day without a crisis, not too much to ask is it?!

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 07-Mar-13 19:57:26

Hi Delilah, glad to hear that you're feeling better, having some things to look forward to and appreciating the good things in life sounds like a good plan. Hope it's been ok having your DH back at work.

Hi choc, glad to,hear you're on the mend. I was sore on the opposite side to the EP strangely. It's still sore sometimes a year on, it was sore esp when I ovulated. You won't have forgotten your job! I'd have set phrase to hand for when people ask why you've been off. I think I just said I'd had an operation. And changed the subject. Some people knew at work, and I found they told other people so if you want some privacy, I'd not tell anyone details. Hope going back to work takes your mind off it all, look after yourself.

delilahbelle Fri 08-Mar-13 11:24:48

Hi choco could it be worth letting everyone know? I got my boss to say I had had an operation and pregnancy loss, but didn't want to discuss it, then told a couple of the worse gossips via email. So hopefully by the time I'm back it will be old news. The way I see it an ectopic is nothing to be ashamed of. Obviously this approach might not work if it is going to affect your career prospects long term.

I've start spotting red blood again, never every much. It had stopped for a couple of days, but now it's here again. Very annoying. It will be two weeks on Monday, so I shall get back to my GP then if it doesn't stop again overe the weekend.

DH turned down his offered contract extension as he managed to get a new, better paid, more local job. All in under 48hrs as a couple of people he used to work with got in touch. He is very happy, as am I - I've been emailing him links to nice restaurants and posh hotels. We need something to look forward too!

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 08-Mar-13 15:03:41

Delilah hope the spotting stops soon, if not then GP visit sounds very sensible. I found it hard to move on when all the physical side of it was ongoing. Great news about your DH's job! Congrats to him!

Choc, have a think about what's best with work. I work in a very family friendly place/organisation, and I still feel that having pg losses has affected my progression, they are just expecting you to get pg again and go off on mat leave. Which was very true in my case!

joby21 Mon 11-Mar-13 18:22:27

I told everyone that i'd been off with an ectopic. Although to be honest most people already knew due to how our sickness policy works. I decided I had done nothing to be ashamed of plus i needed people to know in case i had a physical/mental meltdown at work. It was the right decision for me and my work place and it was surprising how many people had also suffered a pregnancy loss.

Choco, my belly button went a bit gunky so i cleaned it with cotton wool buds and some antiseptic.

I also had pain at the site of surgery for a couple of months after and quite a bit off and on during my pregnancy. When i mentionedcit at my follow up appointment (6 weeks post op) the doctor wasn't too bothered but did say if it hadn't gone after another 6 weeks to go back and see him andci may have needed exploratory surgery, however by then i was pregnantcwith baby joby!

tiredandiwanttogotobed Fri 15-Mar-13 16:21:37

Hi all

Just a quick post to let you know that baby Tired was born 8/3/13 weighing 7lb 5oz. We're both home and doing well. She's sleeping, feeding and poohing well and I'm deleriously happy grin

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 15-Mar-13 16:54:53

Ahh tired great news smile so pleased for you all, congrats! Hope you are resting up.

stillhoping Fri 15-Mar-13 22:00:35

Hi everyone, i found this forum and feel like your the only ones who understand what im going through, i hope you don't mind me joining you all and tell you my story..please bear with me as unfortunately its a long one....

i had my first misscaridge back in 1998 at the age of 16 (we broke up a year latter)
inbetween 1998 and today i had lots of issues with periods and fertility

was diagnosed with endemitrious around 2005

married my wonderful husband in 2008, started ttc straight away (but new we would need help)
went to a fertility clinic in 2009 found out i had polycictic overires as well!!!

started on fertility drug clomid 2nd round found out we were expecting, sadly miscarried not long after finding out, ended up in hospital due to complications.

i then did 6 more rounds of clomid but they didn't work

2010 started on fertility injections, fell pregnant on 2nd round......after some complications (being told it was an ectipic was one of the things i was told) i went on to have a healthy beautifull baby girl in 2011 ( she is now coming up to!)

started ttc again start of 2012, went on clomid again, 1st round found out i was pregnant ....so happy, few days latter dubbled over in pain with bleeding, went to hospital was told i wouldn't lose baby and to come back in few days for scan/bloods, was in pain all weekend but bleeding stopped and so did pain(was praying everything was going to be ok!!!).
I then spent the next 3 weeks going in and out of hospital having scans and bloods as they couldn't find anything on scan and bloods going down then up again and being told if in any pain to come straight back in, The hospital was telling me one day i was losing baby then the next saying oh your still pregnant then the next oh sorry you have lost baby(was mental torture)
anyway it all came to ahead when i got awful pain in side and shoulder, was rushed into hospital and less than hour later i was in surgery having my left tube removed as it was an ectopic.

that was in april, in the july i went back on the fertility drugs and 1st round was pregant but had a very early miscarridge (chemical pregancey)

i did another round of fertility drugs in november 2012 fell pregnant again (for the 6th time)
everything seemed to be going well and then i picked up my little girl and felt a pain in back, last weekend (no bleeding so assumed it was ok) tummy started to feel heavy but wasn't to worried, on the monday i was still sore so decided to go up hospital (given my history i thought it was wise)
was kept in for 2 days and still thought nothing was wrong, untill the doctor came around and told me my bloods had gone down and i was losing baby...again, was sent home and expected to miscarry at home(if only it was a miscardge) few days later i was rushed back in with awful pain in shoulder and side...yep it was another ectopic, 11 days before christmas i was given 2 methetrexin injections, (my blood test after injection happened to fall on christmas day!!!)

i can now not try again untill july. i am having a hcg?????(dye put through tubes with x-ray ) in june (praying my only tube isnt damaged after injections) and then hoping to be able to go back on injections

Like i said my story is a long one, we are very blessed to have our little girl but somedays i cant help but feel robbed of the 5 angels we also have.

the hardest part of the last ectopic is the waiting to try again.

please excuse my bad spelling and my long story ,i just feel that you all understand why alot of days i just start crying and nobody else knows why.

thanks for listeningx

Myrtle1981 Sun 17-Mar-13 18:35:41

I'm really glad to find this forum. Heres pur story...

We have been ttc for 2 years. I have pcos so knew it would be tricky. Found out we were expecting in July 2012, but it was an ectopic. After a nightmare experience with the hospital sending me home then being rushed back in I had surgery to remove my right tube in August at 6 weeks.

We've been ttc since with no luck and have been referred for fertility treatment. It feels like our time will never come.

My sister in law found out she expecting around the same time as me, after 1m trying! She just had a beautiful baby girl. My niece is wonderful, but i can't help but feel terribly sad that she doesn't have a cousin.

Thanks for allowing me to share. I hope our luck wil change soon and wish you all the same

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 17-Mar-13 23:37:24

Hi to stillhoping and myrtle sorry that you find yourself here. Hope that you do find some good luck soon.

stillhoping yes we can all understand why some days are so,hard. I can particularly empathise with being in 'mental torture'. Hope that you'll start,to feel better soon, but you've been through an awful lot, it will take time. Come on here and vent any time.

myrtle it's so hard when other people are due the same time, especially when it's family. I remember gritting my teeth whe seeing other people's bumps.

Hope,that everyone else is doing ok

clgrab2013 Mon 18-Mar-13 15:10:47

Hi, I wanted to share my story with you and it's really helpful reading all the other posts - its makes me feel less alone. I didn't know I was preg until I started bleeding and having bad pains. I ended up having my right tube removed nearly 4 weeks ago. We're going to start ttc again as soon as my first period comes as I am expecting it to take longer with one tube. Does anyone know when your first period after surgery should arrive - do you count day 1 of your cycle as the day after the operation?

Hearing success stories is really positive. I have a 14 month old daughter already which has definitely made things easier but now I am desperate to get preg again to compensate for the baby that I lost.

The doctors said my left tube looked fine and healthy so I guess I just have to wait and see. Did anyone else have any checks (do they run dye down your tube?) or do they not advise that this soon?

Thanks for any advice.

Myrtle1981 Thu 21-Mar-13 08:42:04

IOU took about 8 weeks for my first period to come after the surgery. I was worried but they told me at my checkup this was quite normal.

stillhoping Thu 21-Mar-13 09:05:46

Hi tasmaniandevilchaser thank you, some days are better than others, life with a nearly 2 year old is so busy that i don't have time to think about things, i just find going to works so hard, mainly due to my friends being pregnant and due around the same date. (with my 2nd miscarriage my lovely niece was born the day after when my due date should have been and my good friend had baby the day after my niece was born) so having to see my lovely friends growing bump and then to put my hand on my empty tummy really really really hurts, please don't get me wrong i am so happy for anyone who gets pregnant (it really is a miracle )
i never once thought i would have to go through pregnancy loss 5 times, im not sure if it has made me stronger or just a total wreck...
my husband is glad that after the injections we have to wait 6 months as he says i need a break after everything my body has been through but all i can think about is getting pregnant again...roll on july

sorry for blabbering on again

Hi clgrab2013. i had my right tube removed last april and was pregnant again in july through fertility treatment (sadly i had a miscaridge ) but what i was told was that although i only had 1 tube the egg can still make its way over to the other tube...our bodies really are amazing, i think i got pregant from an egg released from the side i lost my tube from as with my fertility scan it was the side that had the bigger and better folicle (eggs)
i was only offered the dye test after my 2nd ectopic , talk to your doctor hun and see if they thing you should have one.
hope your get your little miracle soon hun x

thank you all again for letting me vent ect...really appreciate it x

Myrtle1981 Thu 21-Mar-13 21:03:27

Stillhoping, I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be for you. I think loosing 1 pregnancy was hard enough, I couldn't bear another so I think your extremely brave. I was chatting to a friend of mine who's been a great support to me. I didn't realise she had an ectopic 10 years ago. She also had 6 miscarriages before having her 2 beautiful children. I'm amazed how many women have come to me and said they know what I'm going through. I don't think you should give up, but taking a short break may be just whet you need. We decided to take a break for 3 months after surgery too.

confusedclaire Sat 23-Mar-13 11:07:11

Hey I know this post is a yr old but I wanted to post about my ectopic I cannot get over it even though it was 2 yrs ago because the " baby " had a heartbeat :-( I just cant move on knowing I allowed surgical removal any advice would be gladly accepted ps nobody ever talked to me about this x thankyou x

delilahbelle Sat 23-Mar-13 18:31:50

claire It's horrible isn't it? But remember, an ectopic pregnancy isn't viable, even with a heartbeat. There's just nowhere/no space for the embryo to grow, and a rupture could have killed you. Could you speak to your GP and ask for counseling?

1 month tomorrow since my cornual ectopic ruptured, and weirdly I think my period is on it's way. I've been spotting brownish on and off since the surgery, but in retrospect have had other symptoms and PMT. I'm suprised it's happened so quickly, but also relived.

Physically I'm loads better, emotionally worse. I want to be pregnant again but it's now 5 months until we can try again. I'm going to be making sure we have out FET dead on 6 months if I can, and I am going to work backwards from that date to make sure I am fully healthy in terms of diet and exercise. I really hope I can be pregnant again by my EDD.

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