Emotions to pregnancy announcements...

[babaloulou]

I had 3 M/C last year (preg, M/C, period, preg, M/C period then same again throughout the year)Decided to give myself a break over the seasonal period as it nearly broke Dh and I the last time.

Last week for everyday for three days I found out friends were having babies. The third one I felt like I had been punched in the stomach! So thats 7 babies due this year. 2 the same week my last baby would have been due. I am angry with myself for letting myself get upset about it. I have even been unkind about some of them to my DH, hate myself for it!! I am truely happy for everyone and believe our time will come.

On the outside no one knows my pain just DH.

Please tell me this is a natural reaction.
I am sure many people have felt the same. How did you deal with it?

[ANTagony]

Yes you are normal. I was due the same week as a women who has two others the same age as my two others. We would see each other every day at the school gate picking up our younger ones from the morning session. She was one of the few that knew I was expecting. When her DS was born, he's gorgeous, I found it really hard to stand and coo over him without being tinged with sadness. I went through two further miscarriages (well one was a chemical pregnancy) whilst she was pregnant.

Also everywhere you look when you're thinking about babies don't you find there are babies? My husband said about this, he'd never really noticed how many there were around but now its like every colleague is expecting/ just had a baby/ planning a baby.

I believe your time will come, its just really hard waiting when surrounded by so much good news. It is good news, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel like each announcement is a little turn in the knife that represents the loss of your own baby.

My time has come (again) and I got through all those early stress full weeks. Don't add guilt to your mix of emotions, pain takes time to heel.

[littlelaura30]

I understand I lost a baby at 15weeks due to acrania had to be induced into labour and give birth. I found out I was pregnant in nov after the may we were thrilled to be told we were gonna miscarry in dec. My 2 best pals just had their babies my Sis on law (2) are also pregnant 5 women in work were pregnant! It kills you! Jealousy is just an emotion so don't feel bad about it! It's natural feeling! You're right to be angry because you feel you have been cheated out of something you& hubby wanted! Your hubby will not get it until it's a brother that announces they're expecting. They relate then. I have learned to be selfish. Explain to your pals how you feel do not coo& aah or put yourself in those situations until you are ready. Pamper yourself.I have now came round to the idea to invest in my husband & I again and our time will come. See a counseller too it helped me! Be open about your grief! Don't shut people out. Good luck! Xx

[babaloulou]

littlelaura30 thanks for your reply.
I'm not sure about the counselling as what would I say. Whats happened has happened and you move on. I have learnt to cry if I want to cry and not feel its wrong no matter how long ago they happened. Also I have been quite insular with my feelings and haven't told my family about the M/C's. They have enough going on and what can they say or do. I would rather deal with it 'in house' instead of dealing with people stumbling around me being careful what they say or actually saying the wrong thing!

[bessie26]

All sounds perfectly normal to me. During my last MC I got an email from a friend telling a group of us she was 8wks pg, with the same due date as me. After a suitable amount of crying I reminded myself that I wouldn't wish TTC woes or MC on anyone, even my worst enemy and although I found it hard to be very excited about her pg, I was pleased for her. I'm going to meet the new baby next week.

Your time & baby will come. My acupuncture lady always said it was important for me to make my mind & body a happy place ready for a baby to grow.

[pigletmania]

You are totally normal, I feel this way right now, having my 2nd MC, I already have a dd nearly 4, but i cant help the way I feel. Even worse when people put their dreaded scan pictures on FB for all to see and talk about their pg at every opportunity. Sorry for the rant, right vent over now.

[crochetcircle]

This is comPletely normal, in my experience, please don't worry about it or feel bad. I think just go with your emotions and feel what you feel. As long as you don't hurt anyone else it doesn't matter.

You will get there yourself some day soon.

[dooscooby]

I've also had many of these feelings and it's been really tough. With reference to scan pictures on FB, I had a 'friend' on there using 'Birthwatch'. It basically and application that updates your status every week with how far along you are with a little cartoon picture of the growing baby and tells you all about what size it is and whether it would be wriggling and allsorts. I couldn't believe it when I saw it and blocked said person. I really hope it doesn't catch on over here (the person doesn't live in the UK).

[Izodia]

Oh I understand totally how you feel. I had a m/c just before Christmas. Got home from the hospital to find a baby announcement in our post. And the pregnancy announcements just seem to have been flooding in ever since, family and close friends.

My brother-in-law announced his wife being 6 weeks pregnant just 2 weeks after my m/c (which they know about). My husband is genuinely happy for them. But I feel angry that they could flaunt it at such an early stage. And then I feel even worse for being bitter and twisted.

Generall I feel I'm getting over it well. But I surprise myself with these emotions sometimes.

Hopefully 2011 will be the lucky year for us all! :)

[Dollly]

I had my miscarriage just before Christmas. We had been invited for dinner with friends and was planning to tell them whilst we were there but instead I had my appointment for my ERPC 2 days later.
After Christmas my friend phoned to tell me that she was planning to break the news she was expecting over dinner but didn't because of what we were going through. It turns out we would have both been pregnant together.
What has upset me the most is how cruel life can be. We both sat at that dinner table with a baby inside us except hers was alive yet mine was dead.
It is now 4 weeks later and she invited me for lunch the other day. I had to make an excuse as I am just so bitter right now. Her whole pregnancy will be a mirror image of what mine should have been.
People say it takes time but I just wish time would hurry up so I can feel better and stop being so angry with the world and everybody in it. Maybe when I eventually stop bleeding things may improve. Sorry - rant over :)
Thinking of you all and your loss xxxxxxxxxxx

[lemonsherbet]

Thinking of you to. I think it is normal. I had an ERPC in Oct. My husband has a close knit group of about 3 male friends, 2 of which were expecting babies in January. Then in November the third one announced they were expecting a baby in May 2 days after what should of been my due date. My friend gave birth 2 days before the ERPC. My work seemed full of pregnant women to.So I feel your pain. It does get better I promise. I am not saying that I do not feel a pang of envy when each one is born/ announced but I think I am much more "normal" then I was a couple of months ago.

I think people who have not had a miscarriage think it is something you get over with and do not realise that you still think this should have been my baby that I am buying clothes for, not to buy as a gift for someone else. If that makes sense.

A big hug to you. It will get better and I hope one day soon it is our turn.

[brokeoven]

14 anouncements at my work.

Ive had 5mcs.

I feel, well, very sad.

It is very unfair.

I just think that maybe 2011 will be my year for a child. Maybe your year too.

[mnistooaddictive]

It was this that almost sent me over the edge. After 4 m/c I found out that 3 people who had started ttc at the same time as me were expecting their 2nd. They had 2 and I couldn't even have 1. There were times I cried inconsolably about the unfairness and times I thought I was cracking up. Do whatever you have to, to get through. You will get through it but give yourself time.

[pigletmania]

OOOh I hate the bloody birthwatch thing, a big fat slap in your face everyweek. And those dreaded scan pictures as profile pictures, everytime that person does something on Facebook you see it.

[LAF77]

you are not alone lou lou I have felt the same. Pg announcements left, right, and centre and it is like a kick in the stomach each time. A friend giving birth around when my first baby was due sent me around the twist. I still haven't seen her or the baby.

Nothing will bring your baby back and that is what you want.

Piglet i hate it when people announce their pg on facebook and put up a scan photo. It enrages me. If I ever get pg, I will make a comment along the lines of "for all of those who know how it feels when pg does not mean baby, I have been there too. People don't tend to announce on fb, "I've had a mc" but I know that they are out there and feel sad too.

It's OK to feel like you do, it is painful and lonely. Try to be kind to yourself. x

[pigletmania]

I know LAF its not something that people do. "Oh dear today I had a miscarriage" And when people on FB keep talking about their bloody pregnancy giving blow by blow accounts. Spare a thought for those who are having problems, be a bit more sensitive.

[Izodia]

LAF77 I had only the same thought yesterday. As and when I manage to get pg, I may not even mention it on facebook. But if I do, I'll definitely be more sensitive with it. I like the idea of adding a message for those who haven't succeeded. I hated the scan profile photos and blow by blow accounts long before even thinking about ttc!

Thank you all for this thread. At least I don't feel like the only angry one anymore. :)

[ClaireDeLoon]

I agree there seems to be a spate of birth announcements at the moment, it's very hard to take. Some of them know I suffer from recurrent mc and they still bring 'the baby'mentions into conversations that were NOTHING to do with their pregnancy. A complete lack of sensitivity.

Re FB I've just taken anyone pregnant off my live feed so I don't have to see their smug posts.

[Cally35]

I have taken myself off FB completely as I couldn't handle it and withdrawal symtoms now have gone and I feel very good!

[babaloulou]

Cally35 I have thought about hiding some people or even deleting them but I know these feelings will go and it will be our turn soon

Plus I am too nosey and I wouldn't want people to ask why I deleted them!

[Cazm2]

I agree with some of these comments about people assuming miscarriage is just a day thing!! I didnt announce my pregnancy on facebook as i hadnt had my scan, but at my scan it showed my baby had died. However I am still even more weary about telling any family outside of my mum and dad next time.

i have had some pregnancy announcements and its like a knife in the guts. or people nagging about when i am going to have children not knowing i had a miscarriage. i do sometimes think i should just tell them to shut them up. its a very personal thing going on about people about when and if they should be having kids.

[ClaireDeLoon]

babaloulou you don't need to remove them as friends - you can just hide their posts - hover the mouse to the right of their name and you'll get the option come up. You can unhide them whenever you feel like you might want to, and they won't know you've done it and be hurt/offended.

[pumpkinjoy]

Hello-I had a missed miscarriage in october after TTC for 2 1/2 years finally put on clomid and progesterone injections for luteal phase deficiency-had ERPC on 29th october.
My emotions are all over the place, feel fine one day, then the next am very tearful-I know this won't go away. Am just hoping and hoping will get pregnant again soon (with alittle help)
I just wanted to say I completely agree with all the comments about pregnancy announcements and the insensitivity of 'so-called friends'-looked on FB the other day to a friend who already has 2nd child under one announcing another PG with scan photo-It's like people get pregnant and then lose their tactful emotional ability. At Christmas, received card from another friend with large photo of her 6 month old-'Baby's first Xmas'. URRRRGH! While I understand she would be their bundle of joy, I know that I would never send this type of personal stuff to a friend I knew had just had a miscarriage of a very much wanted baby.
Just as well I'm sure we all have plenty of friends who ARE sensitive and we can turn to in our emotional state. Maybe following deloon and hovering over a few 'friends' on Facebook!
x

[Dozer]

Am sorry for what you're going through ladies and recognise many of these emotions.

After having DD1I had 4 mc in 2008/09. The worst was the third, the due date was new year's eve 2009. We'd arranged to stay with one couple for Xmas and another for new year and it transpired that both women were pregnant. It was particularly hard at new year with it being the due date and wondering whether we would ever have another baby. I was happy for my friends but sad for us and it was so hard to hide how I felt.

In the first week of jan 2010 found out was pregnant again. Had early scans organised at local EPU (scene of previous sadnesses and bad news). The night before the six-week scan my brother - who knew about the mcs and my scan the next day - rang to ttell me that his wife was six-weeks pregnant. I said congratulations and later that I ws anxious about my scan. He said that if it was bad news for me "it's not the end of the world - you have dd1"

Thankfully, that and subsequent scans were good and our beautiful second daughter was born in late August.

[Dozer]

I realise how lucky we are to have our children and really hope that this is the year for you all.

[babaloulou]

Dozer I am really grateful for DD1 and love her to pieces. But I hate it when people say well you've got DD1, at least you have a child etc etc. 'I know this I don't need reminding of this and please don't doubt my love for her' is what I want to shout back. These comment make me feel as though I have no right to be upset about it as there are other people don't have one and I should be grateful!!

Now that we are well on the road to trying again I am feeling alright about what ever news comes my way. But I am sure if we are not successful this month I will be sensitive again in 2 weeks time! It must be hard for the people who know about our loses nevermind those that do not!!