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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

I have been served court papers.

53 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 12/03/2009 18:00

Joy. Joy. Joy

feel like curling up in a ball.

(dont know if any one familiar with my pathetic life)

... not happy at all, why cant the twunt head leave me and my DD alone!!!

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HecatesTwopenceworth · 12/03/2009 18:05

Don't know back story, but sorry that you feel so low.

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OnlyWantsOne · 12/03/2009 18:06

XP violent and an arse. Hasnt seen my DD since he beat the crap out of me in July and I went to the police (for the first time after 2 years of abuse).

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Lulumama · 12/03/2009 18:07

so what are the papers about?

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OnlyWantsOne · 12/03/2009 18:14

he wants access to DD - he's made errors on the forms he has filled in, stating that I refused to go to mediation sessions (which I went to last summer - I just stopped going after he attacked me) and that the reason we had a "fight" was because I had refused to go to mediation and then stopped him seeing DD. Which isnt true. DD hasnt seen him since the day I went to the police. He isnt safe, and neither are his family etc.

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OnlyWantsOne · 12/03/2009 18:17

CAFCASS reports are mentioned - the hearing date is April Fools Day, (at least I'm trying to see the funny side)

Can I object to being in a room with him? He terrifies me.

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FrostyTheSnowgirl · 12/03/2009 21:48

yes you can say you don't want to be in a room with him. When I was taken to court I asked to be put in a seperate room until we entered the courtroom, I never came face to face with exp at any point

Be strong x

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abbierhodes · 12/03/2009 21:51

No advice, sorry, but sorry you're going through this. You have already shown you are strong by going to the police, you'll get through this.

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OnlyWantsOne · 12/03/2009 21:53

feel like I keep climbing over any hurdle, to find another bigger, uglier one.

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OnlyWantsOne · 12/03/2009 21:53

Frosty - will him and I not be in court room at the same time

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mrsjammi · 12/03/2009 21:54

This reply has been deleted

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mrsjammi · 12/03/2009 21:55

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OnlyWantsOne · 12/03/2009 21:56

I have a solicitor... feel very meeehghhh about it, may result in vast, and I mean vast amounts of chocolate being consumed before bed.

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GypsyMoth · 12/03/2009 22:01

I'm going through it too ..... Violent ex who is stillbeing violent to new partner. You can have separate rooms as said previously. When it comes to the contact being arranged, it will prob start off in a co ntact centre,separate drop off and pick up can usually be arranged too. And request third party handovers if he gets unsupervised.

Face up to it now.......he was violent to you, your dd is still entitled to a relationship with him. Not what you want to hear, but he could still get his access. Think ahead and get a solicitor.

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OnlyWantsOne · 12/03/2009 22:03

he is not seeing DD. end of

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GypsyMoth · 12/03/2009 22:07

What did he do? My ex has threatened his step daughter with a knife, tried killing himself numerous times, driven with my daughter in the boot of car.......and much more...... But he will still get access, no matter how much I resist. He's good at charming the right people. If it goes to court your ex will probably get access,with penal notice automatically attached!!

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OnlyWantsOne · 12/03/2009 22:15

what is a penal notice?

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GypsyMoth · 12/03/2009 22:24

Penal notice is the threat of prison! All contact orders have them attached now. So if you don't adhere to the order and let the contact happen, then it can be enforced!

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solidgoldbrass · 12/03/2009 22:26

Contact Women's Aid. They will be able to give you the best advice.

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mrsjammi · 12/03/2009 22:31

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GypsyMoth · 12/03/2009 22:35

They have new power as from December last year. Community service as well as prison now. It does happen mrs Jammi.... And besides,who would take the chance?

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mrsjammi · 12/03/2009 22:41

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OnlyWantsOne · 13/03/2009 08:49

If I knew a violent, drug abusing alcoholic I wouldnt let him near my DD... so WHY just because this arse hole is related to her, should I let him see her?

If it was my brother, I still wouldnt let him near my DD.

He hasnt seen her in 8 months so far, and she's 2.4 old, she hasnt a CLUE who he is.

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toomanysweets · 13/03/2009 10:18

Only-courts will not see it the way you do. Unfortunately as far as they are concerned the child has a right to know both parents regardless. Believe me I know from over a year of court experience. My situation is similar. The ONLY way you can prevent youd DD from seeing him is if she doesn't want to go. And I mean ONLY. You know he poses a risk, has the potential to harm her etc. but you will get the blanket response 'a child has the right to know both parents'. Women's Aid will support you, you need an experienced solicitor and you need to try & not get too stressed about it. I've been there. Awful situation. But at the end of the day no judge can physically force a child who very clearly shows that he/she does not want to see father, particularly if he/she is getting distressed about it

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OnlyWantsOne · 13/03/2009 14:40

DD is only 2 though... and she doesnt know who he is?

Why introduce a stranger (and not a very stable one at that) into her life?

And i could be forced to put all of us through this.

If he really loved her and wanted the best he's crawl back under the rock he came from.

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toomanysweets · 13/03/2009 17:31

Yes but if he has abused you in the past he will use this as an opportunity to do it again. You're going to have to be strong and play the legal game. Find something to distract you whilst this is going on (if you're not working)-study. I'm afaid you will be forced but as long as you jump through the legal hoops and be seen to be being reasonable as long as your DD refuses to go to him (& initially it will be in a contact centre) there is NOTHING a judge/court can do. But it must come from your DD and at her age she is unlikely to want to go into a strange room leaving you in a waiting room (cos you are scared of him& so will not be in contact room with him)