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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Do dad's have right to information from day care provider?

37 replies

mummyloves · 30/10/2004 22:16

Does anyone have any experience of this? My DS is 3 1/2 and at a private nursery as I work full time. Dad is threatening the nursery with legal action if they do not concede to his requests to be able to phone up when he wants for progress reports, be told his daily routine, meal times, sleep times and "special requirements, be told when the photographer comes in, have reports etc etc and be phoned if he is not at nursery for any reason. As this is not compulsory education and is really the same as if he were with a childminder or relative, what is he playing at? Someone thought he might be getting his "rights" mixed up with something to do with the Education Act and clearly this isn't education. Any views? The nursery isn't entertaining this and will want DS removed.

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tammybear · 30/10/2004 22:21

oh dear mummyloves. i only know that this is through education, and only if he has parental responsibilty. think he has his wires crossed. wish i could be of more help

mummyloves · 30/10/2004 22:24

Hello you Tammybear, thanks sweetie, this is such a grey area, this ae is driving me nuts. How are you?

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hercules · 30/10/2004 22:25

Why wouldnt you want him to have this information? Surely he's morally entitled to it like any parent. If the nursery dont want to cant you keep him informed?

Sorry if there is more to this that I dont know.
If so then I dont know the legal bit at this age.

tammybear · 30/10/2004 22:27

not too bad mummyloves, thanks. have exp coming tomorrow with his parents. not looking forward to it too much, wish theyd actually talk to me! how have u been?

cant your exp just ask you those things rather than going through the nursery? why is he threatening them?

mummyloves · 30/10/2004 22:34

Hercules, ex DP only re-emerged when DS was 2. At the moment it's caused so much havoc that Ds has now been referred to the Child & Mental Health Service because of Sleep Problems, wetting himself etc because ExDP has been saying disgusting things to him about me. The contact transferred to my home to a contact centre at ex DP's request. The more ExDP has said to Ds, the more we've had to struggle to get Ds to go upstairs at the centre to see his dad. DS now flatly refuses. I've got the story books about dads and mums not living together, you name it. I have tried really hard. DS is making his own decisions, believe me. ExDP has never paid a penny to DS's upkeep and I pay £6,550 a year for this nursery. EXDP has NEVER asked me how DS is, and has, in my opinion, shown a degree of cruelty towards DS by physically blocking him from coming to me when he's crying out for me in the same room. He clenches his fists when DS wants mummy to cuddle him etc. This is NOT about him wanting to know or be part of his son's development, this is about a way of gleaning potential "evidence" for his own purposes for future court hearings. Why doesn't he ask me? In any case, what p**s me off is he knows most of this anyway, he just wants to prove that he has the "right" to force the nursery as a parent with "responsibility".

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hercules · 30/10/2004 22:36

Sounds like he's on a power trip.
Poor you and ds.

mummyloves · 30/10/2004 22:38

Tammybear, what fun for you! Are the kitchen knives still handy?! Are you going to be making yourself scarce for an hour or will you have to suffer this for the entire visit?

I think I answered this above TB, this is for court puposes with him. He won't believe whatever I say, because it's not for information. I'll tell the court, and have told the court all of this anyway. He wants to try to independantly disprove it. THATS why I won't let him get away with it, it's not for DS's sake, but his own power trip.

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mummyloves · 30/10/2004 22:39

Big Big w**r!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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mummyloves · 30/10/2004 22:41

Hecules, we crossed posts but both said Power Trip at the same time. You bet!

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pixiefish · 30/10/2004 22:42

sounds to me that he wants to know when your son is not at the nursery because he's keeping tabs on you and the way you're bringing him up. i remember your history from another recent thread- horrible man- who do they think they are???

mummyloves · 30/10/2004 22:42

I appear to be having a conversation with myself! How sad is that!! Any other sad lone mum's out there?

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tammybear · 30/10/2004 22:43

aww hope you can sort something out ((hugs))

yes those knifes are handy still lol, been sharpening them up! im going in with a new tactic tomorrow! they always sit there and watch my tv rather than play with dd, so there will be no tv or radio on. plus i always have to try and make conversation with them when i only get "yea" "no" "er.." I cant b bothered to be polite if theyre not going to bother with me, so i am going to be normal and play with dd and read books with her etc, and show them that they can actually sit there and play with her rather than just watch her!

pixiefish · 30/10/2004 22:44

no you're not alone mummyloves- not a lone mum (feel it sometimes though as h works away)

mummyloves · 30/10/2004 22:45

Pixiefish welcome to my moan! He is a disgusting ignoramous of a man, but before anyone jumps in, I DO NOT give this impression to DS. I promise you all, If I can't say anything nice I don't say anything at all in front of DS about Exdp, in fact I'm rather proud of all the efforts I've made. DS is very switched on and has always knows what he likes and what he wants, and that's been since birth. He is the most vindictive individual I have ever known.

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KatieMac · 30/10/2004 22:50

As a childminder I have a place on my contract for details about access etc. Do you not have this with the Daycare people?
I explain to my 'parents' that if they put that 'Dad' cannot collect child from me - then turns up to collect because 'Mum' has agreed
I won't let 'Dad' collect (and would call the police if 'Dad' tried)iyswim

mummyloves · 30/10/2004 22:51

To TB and PF, Saturday nights are really depressing when you're on your own aren't they? I am now being completely naughty and am having a couple of Budweisers to relax. TB, do you know I can TOTALLY put myself in your position tomorrow and I think you are very strong to keep things going like this. How long have you been doing this for? I gave up after about 7 months of it because I couldn't bear the knot in my stomach anymore and the effect it had on both of us. If your DS doesn't seem to get affected by it then good for you if you're strong. It made me ill though. Pixie fish, please share a virtual Budweiser with me!

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tammybear · 30/10/2004 22:53

yeah they are depressing except for x factor and ant&dec the only thing to keep me going lol. this has been going on over a year now. been apart from exp since august 03. it hasnt gotten any easier and think its just going to get worse, especially when he finds out me and dp are going to live together

mummyloves · 30/10/2004 22:54

Katiemac, the nursery have a photocard system which I authorise so no, he could never try to see DS or collect him without my permission. The grey area seems to be what "you" as the day care provider are perhaps or perhaps not, legally obliged to give him, say if an estranged parent called you up. Do you know what you would do if say, you looked after the child of a single mum, and the dad found out your details and starting perstering you by phone or post for information? Where would you go for advice? OFSTED haven't got a clue believe me.

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pixiefish · 30/10/2004 22:58

had a quick bud there mummyloves but i must hit the sack now as dd fast asleep on my bed (bad mummy- slap hand) and i want to get her into her cot... good luck with your x- he sounds horrendous...

mummyloves · 30/10/2004 22:58

Tammybear that's fantastic news, I'm so happy for you. He's your Ds's godfather anyway right? You're turning a big corner sweetie and I'm sure DS will benefit greatly. If this was me, knowing my exdp I would however be very worried because it would be the spur to make him go even more over the top. Do you have those worries? I don't think anyone can be as motivated as my exdp to be so evil as he is, and I don't know much about your exdp. What you can overcome alone you can double when there are two of you fighting it so be strong! Congrats!

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KatieMac · 30/10/2004 22:59

I'd call the police - I wouldn't have any right to give info about a child to anyone. (but then I am a stroppy cow)

A Grand parent came to collect a child (prev arranged) and I only gave basic info (ie she didn't eat her tea) and rang later to talk to Mum about some issues.

tammybear · 30/10/2004 23:02

dd's godfather, yeah. Thanks mummyloves. So excited. dp and dd have been getting on great, so think she'll love it. i know how exp will react, so im not as worried as i think i would be if i didnt. i know its not going to go down well, so will wait until we're settled so he cant complicate things between us

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mummyloves · 30/10/2004 23:03

Katiemac, you say you wouldn't have any right to give any information to anyone, have you been told that on any courses you've had to do or something similar? Even to the dad if he waved a piece of paper at you? It's an interseting one isn't it? Maybe you could ask childminders you know to see if they have an opinion. I'd be really grateful and if you didn't mind, maybe you could CAT me?

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mummyloves · 30/10/2004 23:05

How will he react?

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mummyloves · 30/10/2004 23:07

And TB, where is he tonight, and why aren't you cuddled up!!

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