I want to fire my live-in maid but no idea how and all the advice I get from other expats is so horrible

(115 Posts)
creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 06:05:00

We have a full-time live in maid. I have never had this before. I hate it.

I really, really want to get rid of her but I have no idea how.

She is aggressively argumentative, criticises everything all the time, never does anything I ask.

On the other hand she does work really hard. I tried to get her to do sensible hours with a break in the middle of the day but she refuses and she is ALWAYS here. Working from 6am to 9pm with me begging her to PLEASE stop and go home or rest or something.

Yesterday she left the gate to the pool unlocked. It was a mistake, and we all make mistakes. But we have small children and this is a mistake that cannot be made. I told her on her first day that the most important part of this job was keeping the gate to the pool locked. When I told her yesterday that it had been left unlocked she first ignored me (because she was embarrassed and didn't want me to get cross - not that I ever have ) and then when I calmly but firmly said "You must remember to always, always lock the gate. This is very important" she got cross and started ranting that she DID always lock it and this was only one time and that I had left my balcony door unlocked last week and blah blah blah...

It is so exhausting. I find I am scared to even mention small things to her because she strops and sulks for days.

Just now she was washing up and asked why I had put the sponge (that she was using) in the wash. I said because it needed washing, and why had she taken it out of the wash? She said she didn't think it had been used for bad jobs so it was fine. I said it needed washing every day or two days and to please take a clean one. She roared with laughter and said that you cannot wash washing up sponges - they are always clean because they are used for washing!! So... she will do exactly what she wants and not wash the sponge.

But if I get rid of her she has no job, no income, family relying on her wage. She will cry and refuse to go and I'll have to make her. I feel like such a bitch sitting in my huge big house with every advantage in the world firing a poor old lady working for minimum wage (actually we pay double, but it's still not much) because she won't do my washing up precisely to my liking.

Other expats give completely shit shitty mcshit advice along the lines of "wait until she's out, pack up her things and take her to the airport. It's the only language these people understand! Delete her phone numbers. Don't tell her where she's going until you get there. Or she'll clean out your house and disappear!"

I don't really want her to work out notice because she will be so horrid while she's here. I'll happily pay her off. I just want her gone.

We're sending her to India for a month to see her family in August. I wondered about saying just before she left that she needn't come back, and paying her 2 months wages? Dh says that is a shitty thing to do.

She has already sort of threatened me that if I get rid of her things will be difficult for me. I have asked her to leave a few times before but she won't go.

frikonastick Mon 16-May-11 10:59:37

my favorite story is a friend of mine came home from hliday early to find a party in full swing at her house. complete with copulating couples in the main bedroom..........i laughed like a loon. she didnt find it amusing At All. grin

i have always been very lucky though and had lovely lovely ladies work for me. but im also used to having employees and that does help.

creamcheesesneeze Mon 16-May-11 12:11:34

Well.

Events rather overtook me and she is gone.

Not a very happy ending, but it's over.

Thanks to everyone who posted. I really appreciate your thoughts and advice.

HattiFattner Mon 16-May-11 12:12:58

what happened??

Another nose ointment here. What actually happened and where are you?

yes, do tell what happened! have been reading this and need to know the ending

fatsowhale Mon 16-May-11 12:46:19

You can't leave it like that! What happened?

empirestateofmind Mon 16-May-11 13:00:01

What happened OP?

The tales I have heard about maids here in Singapore would fill a book. I have been very lucky but some of my friends have been left quite traumatised.

ZZZenAgain Mon 16-May-11 13:04:53

better luck next time. Even if it ended unpleasantly, I think it is for the best that it is behind you now.

Glad its behind you!

ggirl Mon 16-May-11 13:56:44

please come back oP and tell us

Jaspants Mon 16-May-11 14:13:26

Glad it got sorted but dying to know what happened.

Change the locks and be prepared. If she left without you asking there is no knowing what she has in mind. She may well tell lies to the security guards/watchman and rumours spread.
Change the locks I'm saying it again because I really beleive it is so important.
And dont employ someone without being on your sponsorship, yes "everyone does it" but at least in Dxb they are really clamping down. 75k dhs fine, deportation for maid and possible for you, and obviously not the sponsor who would be a local.

Idontknow, sometimes it isn't that simple. I know that in certain countries you can't sponsor someone if you aren't a national yourself.

frikonastick Tue 17-May-11 08:54:48

thats right kreecher, i think its like that in oman? but then you can have a maid through an agency. i think more people do it the illegal way than the legal way, but it is a risky thing to do.

FriggFRIGG Tue 17-May-11 09:30:34

OP come baaaaaack i need to know what happened!!

HazeltheMcWitch Wed 18-May-11 18:07:05

Bumpitty-bump OP, I want to know too...

I am concerned that op is tied up in the cellar..

Hope all is OK OP

I know she is OK. I am not being tantalising or superior but if she doesn't want to fulfull you with sordid tales of bondage it's her choice. wink

Kreecher- I NEED to know dammit. Spill now

needanewname Thu 19-May-11 21:54:15

grin

fastedwina Fri 20-May-11 09:41:07

I'd be really wary of having her in your house once she knows she is going - is there no half way type of house that she can go to with an agency or something who will them try and find her work?

When our maid didn't work out, she went to the agency to live while they found her work (was not in ME). I wouldn't be keen to have a mad, angry woman in my house and round my children, especially if she has already threatened you.

Once more, it is resolved. IF the OP wants to come back she will, if not, stop being so nosy. Easy for me to say who knows wink

HugoFirst Sun 22-May-11 10:55:53

no she must bloody tell all

barbie1 Thu 26-May-11 05:41:02

Also in the ME and had a friend in a similar situation as you. She lied and told her maid that due to her husbands re location which would be taking place within 3 months that sadly she would have to find another job. The maid obviously was upset but had no idea of the real reason so continued working for the next 8 weeks, friend just gritted teeth knowing maid would soon be gone!
Not totally honest but it worked, my friend was due to relocate...but just down the road!

Hope it works out ok for you, and i echo using a licensed company to employ someone for you next time, the law isnt on our side in the ME sad

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