Friday Fly - getting ready for the bank holiday weekend

[TheMadHouse]

Morning

mission

pick an essay that Kelly wrote to read for one of todays babysteps

add making your bed to your morning routine

SO our day is looking a bit like this

So Our day should look something like:

Morning Routine

• Get up and get dressed - inc shoes just for Gib
• Make your bed
• Looking at your posted reminders
• Reading 2 minutes of reminders
• Delete any flymails
• Recognizing the negative voices and changing them
• Put out your Hot Spots for 2 minutes
• Mission

Before Bed Routine

• Keep your sink shining
• delete any flymails
• Lay out your clothes for tomorrow
• Put out your Hot Spot

[TheMadHouse]

Morning all

Things are not so good here at TheMadHouse. I fear my depression is making a return (not that I have ever come off the meds) and think I may need to go back up to a higher dose.

There are also things going on between me and DH that we have never had to experiance before. I used to be so smug about my marriage surviving anything - but this mastectomy business seems to be breaking us

The boys are acting up - as they know I am not right - so they are pushing my buttons.

I HATE being me right now

[laurasmiles]

(((((hugs to you TMH)))) Sorry you are feeling low today and that you have things hanging over you. It's not easy - wish I could think of something helpful to say..... try and find a little corner of today to do something nice for yourself,to make a positive happen between the negatives. Life is never often on an even keel at the best of times. x

Me, I'm blushing at my previous lists as I haven't managed to complete them at all. But merely the act of writing them on here has galvanised me into some sort of action. My house is reasonable, my washing pile is slowly reducing and I even tackled one side of the garden - weeding and hacking down overgrown bushes. Yes, I seem to have a problem completing what I set out to do but I am doing things - the overall trend is up.

So, today I shall be less ambitious and say I shall stick to the remit in the top post and anything else do is a bonus.

Hope everyone has some sunshine today and the day gets better and better.

[swanriver]

TMH, your post has made me in tears again.
Don't what to say in sympathy, just to let you know there's a bit of tension here too, (nothing to do with yesterday's weird but silent post though that was earlier...)and arguments/confusion seem to go round in circles, if we do this this will be better, if you were like that then I wouldn't do this. All marriages are different of course.
All I know is it seems like end of the world, and then suddenly all is well again. And before you know it, you've done the impossible you have survived, together.

Anyway it's easy to talk isn't it, difficult to just be and not judge yourself.

Today,
I need to clean out car
try and pre-empt all the sources of irritation
just be happy! Dh says I am always stressed and that is why he feels cross with me.

Hope your anniversary was lovely Scatty!

[swanriver]

Hello Laura,
yes, lists
More detailed list

Beds
kitchen
ironing

Car
scout bag (name clothes!!!)
re-organise playdate muddle for ds2

Done
gave away a large toy which was in hall hurrah!
Baby Annabel is going to a friend in Stokey this Sunday

[swanriver]

oh my goodness, went to put some sheets away and found lightbulb in airing cupboard had been on all night and burnt enormous hole in sleeping bag, which was polyester, and near smouldering!!!Anyway, thank god, I was tidying not weeding.

[gibbberish]

tmh So so sorry to hear that things are so difficult atm. Do you feel up to speaking to the doc about increasing your prescription? After all you have been through it's no wonder your emotions are all over the place.

I have been on ad's for a long time now. dh and I went through a really bad patch a few years ago and I left him, taking the girls, for about four months. It was horrendous and although there were problems that needed to be sorted out, I'm convinced my depression was a large part of it. We still have ups and downs (like any marriage) and I occasionally feel like running again... but we have always managed to get back on an even keel. Marriage is really difficult, but throw in depression and stress and it is a thousand times more difficult. But not impossible.

I am sure things will settle too with you and your dh. It's been so traumatic for you both and it's absolutely no wonder it's taking its toll on your relationship. But it's clear to me that you both love each other very much. You've been through so much already and you WILL get through this.

Do you think a spot of counselling would help? x

[gibbberish]

Goodness, that was a long, rambling post...

Hi laura and swan

Got a busy day today. Meeting HEing friend with her kids at play barn later this morning. Later I have to drive to Kinross to pick up two little girls who are friends of dd3 and dd4 as they are staying for the weekend. Then need to drop dd2 at dancing, then pick her up and drop her at my parents as she is staying there for the weekend. Then I have to drive to Falkirk to collect dd1 from cinema! Aargh! Better fill up the car.

Also need to:

Dust downstairs and upstairs
Wash floors
Hoover upstairs
Swish and swipe both bathrooms
Washing
A little bit of ironing.

All the missions are done - that's the first time in a LONG time!

[swanriver]

I think also when you are depressed you think "I am not capable of loving this person, and not worthy of being loved". When they criticise in any way, it seems like the one person who should love you is letting you down, and that makes you feel devastated. But they are only human and they can't resolve/ solve all our bad feelings for us.

[swanriver]

Have a great day on the road GIB!

[gibbberish]

swan that is so true.

[galen]

Morning all

mad so sorry you're feeling down. You have been through SO much as others have said it is bound to take its toll and you, and your relationship with DH.Upping your AD's again short term may help? Also agree with others - just remind yourself you CAN and WILL get through this and things will get better with your DH. Hang in there. Take it as easy as you can and be gentle on yourself.

swan so glad you're OK. Thought something terrible had happened LOL at DS1!

laura sounds as if you're doing great! I often dont get all on my list done, but posting them at least helps me focus on what I should be doing LOL!

gib sounds a busy day - hope all goes to plan!

well still lots to do here today. Need to keep up with things as DH is going away on Monday and wont be back till following Monday so I am flying solo with all 6 of them for a week.....need to make sure I dont turn into grumpy over tired mummy.....

To do today:
bake b'day cake for DS1 (he's having belated quasar trip and mini party with his friends as we were in Ireland for his B'day!)
Bake missisipi mud pie for DH and me tonight LOL
Bake Banana muffins/cake with surpless bananas
Post DS school forms
Lopts of clean washing to put away

Sure there's more but cant even remember now!

better dash DD4 calling
BBL ladies!

[TheMadHouse]

The thing is he is my world and always has been. He is everything I could want in a husband.

I loved him from the moment I set eyes on him. He was my first and only and has been with me through thick and thin.

He has always been outstanding about my depression, even the really bad PND after DS2 when I was suicidal. He has always wanted me too.

I just can not bear the thought of him to wanting me or not being able to touch me.

I dont want to be like this and feel like this. I need him, but more than that I want to be with him. He is my man, my best friend, the father of my children.

I have known him since I was 17, been married for 14 years and togther for 15 years. He is and always has been the one for me.

Sorry for the outbust - I am going to see ig I can get a GP's appointment

[gibbberish]

That was a really beautiful tmh There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you will both work through this. Have you had any counselling since the op?

Really hope you can see doc today. You are taking positive action and that is great.

Sorry, really really want to stay and talk to you about this and don't want to leave you but have to dash out

Be back this afternoon though and will be thinking of you all morning xx

[swanriver]

I understand how you feel TMH. I couldn't bear it if dh wasn't crazy for me. It is like the baseline.
And you feel this has been taken away . Has he said that? Or is it just a feeling of dread that that feeling of passion is over between you, and he can never be with you the way he was, can never possibly love you as much post operation? Do you think he is just super tired and hasn't processed his emotions yet?

[TheMadHouse]

OK - I have an appointment with the GP for 3pm and also rang my mum and asked her to come and sit with the boys.

He said last night that he loves me, but doesnt want to touch me. I cried myself to sleep

I am now going to pull myself together and sort lunch, then make traffic light jellys with the boys

[swanriver]

That would make me feel bad. (although I have said the same to dh, and he has felt bad But your dh must be grieving, like you. It is so RECENT that you have had to deal with the operation. He nearly lost you. Maybe he feels he needs to be honest about how much it has affected him, and then he can move forwards, although it is terribly painful for you to hear the words.

Glad you made the appointment.
Bb evening after scout drop off in Herts

[Simply]

Hello to all.

For those that don't know me, I'm an ex-regular who sort of dropped off the scene when I started having an au pair about a year ago as I didn't want her to see me on MN and then find my posts. So, some people know me and some don't. I don't often read these threads as I'm ap less now and have those jobs to do but I have read this one.

TMH Well done on making the appointment. I don't know if you remember me but if you want someone to talk to, I can CAT you my home tel number and we can chat if you think that would help. I have met BC and ludaloo (and anorak if you know her) if you want to be sure I'm not a hairy handed trucker! Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who is not a RL person, just a MN person who lives out of your area. The offer is there if you want it.

[Simply]

Damn! I forgot to say what I'd meant to in reply to one of your earlier posts TMH. Your post of 10:37am is really beautiful. Can I suggest that you write that out and give it to your dh? I'd suggest leaving it on his pillow for him to find when he goes to bed tonight. I'd be overwhelmed if my dh did that for me. (No chance!)

Marriages do go through ups and downs. You obviously love him very much and sometimes it's the love and commitment from one half of the marriage that can pull it through to when both parts come together again. I know I've worked blooming hard at mine!

[scattyspice]

Hi girls.

Some stiring stuff on here today. Sorry you are having this stress mad, you two have been through a huge experience ontop of the overwhelming stress of having 2 young boys. Remember your dh is exhausted too and probably saying things he doesn't truly mean. I do hope your GP can help and that you have people to talk to.

Swan and Gib, its amasing isn't it that we all assume that everyone else finds marriage (and family life in general) a breeze and its only us who struggle.

Dh and I celebrated 10yrs yesterday and we kept saying to each other, haven't we done well to get this far LOL (given that we are both crazy and hard to live with in our own ways).

Stick in everyone .

(I can't remember my list now! LOL)

[gibbberish]

Hi simply Nice to see you pop in!

ehm Would you dh speak to anyone about how he's feeling? Did he explain to you why he felt that way? Feel so bad for you both. Hope the doc appt goes well this aft.

Congrats scatty 10 years is an achievement! I know what you mean though, it does look from the outside that everyone else seems to be breezing along with their marriages when sometimes it feels like we are the only ones who have to work damn hard at it!

I am trying not to put in divorce application today because of all the stuff from the garage STILL sitting around the house... Will have to attemt moving it all myself.

The play barn was mobbed! And very noisy.

To do:

all the stuff I had to do earlier

[gibbberish]

Sorry, not ehm, meant tmh!!

[gibbberish]

And that was attempt, not attemt...

PREVIEW PREVIEW PREVIEW!

[TheMadHouse]

Have been to see the GP and he has upped my AD's and also referred me for some councelling. He is suprised that I got this far actually and said that what I have been through has been very traumatic.

OK - Mum and the boys have been doing some planting
Cushion covers have been washed for the conservatory and sitting room
DS1 has been scootering out the front whist I have weeded
DS2 had a short nap
Washing brough in

Still to do

Whats for dinner
Drop mum home
bath, PJ's, Books and bed for the boys
Clothes out for tomorrow for all
Car 27 fling boogie
general tidy in prep for the weekend.

DH is getting wood delivered inn the morning to make 3 raised beds for veggies

[Simply]

Well done on the GPs appointment TMH. Your done list sounds good, too!

My list:

Done:-
Mowed the grass
Several loads of washing
Stripped the beds
Made a couple of phone calls
Took mince out of the freezer (a bit late in the day) for tea. I'm not sure if ds will be home to eat it or dh and I, actually. It depends on whether ds has a lift to this evening's activity or not. If he hasn't then I'll be passing within yards of a FLYer's house (if you're still on these threads, the person living in a village with a big hall?)

[Simply]

Ooops, sorry, hello to you too gibberish. You're not an expert on ipod touches by any chance, are you? I've started a thread about a predicament I've got myself into. It's under the geeky topic. Ds will be home in about a quarter of an hour so I think I'll just have to apologise and grovel for fiddling with his ipod!