Want to go back FT - will DS be alright?

[ChrissyJ]

DS is 3 months now and I am intending to go back to work FT when he is 8 months. I don't want to work part time as I would like to save that option for when we have more kids. Also I feel funny about the idea of not going back "properly" ie FT. I am NOT saying this is what I think about other people who work PT, it's just how I feel for me.

Anyway, how have other MNers found this? Do you feel that your DS/DD has suffered from being put in full time childcare at a young age? I know that he would be OK but I don't want him to just be OK, I want him to feel secure and loved and have a nice time. I am worried that he would miss me and that 40 hours is a helluva long time for a an 8 month old to be away from mummy and daddy.

[purpleturtle]

ChrissyJ - you have to make the decision for yourself, based on your feelings, and your knowledge of your ds.

I'm not sure that I've often/ever? seen anyone claim that their child has suffered from a decision they've made about their care for them. I think that would take a very brave person.

I think the key to happiness is being sure you're making a decision based on your own opinions, and not those that you think others might (but probably won't) form about you. I think it's the comparisons we make, and the comparisons we fear are being made with us, that make us unhappy.

[llareggub]

I'm going back full time but am going to compress my hours and work from home once a week. I'll still need childcare but by working 2 longer days I'll be able to finish earlier on the other days.

Have you thought about changing your working pattern at all? Just to ease you back in a bit?

I'm looking forward to going back but do feel some sadness about leaving my son.

[princesscc]

At 8 months he will soon adjust. I'm a cm and have had babies from 8 months f/t and they are no different from the p/t ones imo. Before I was a cm, I went back to work f/t when dd was 3months! 11 years ago now, so maternity leave was different then and we couldn't afford for me to be at home. Obviously, I am biased, but I think cms are better for very little ones than nurseries. That way they still have the home comforts, even if its not their home iyswim!

[Clary]

I went back full time after DS1 and DD, but even then it was kind of a compromise; DH went down to 4 days and I virtually always worked a Satuday or Sunday so had a weekday off.

In other words, we only ever had 3 days/week of childcare not done by us or gran.

Is anything like that an option for you? (I mean if you feel worried about full-time childcare - not that you should).

Have to say that I now work 30 hrs like DH and no more weekends (this is for the last year or more) and it's a lot better. We have got 3 children now tho.

I know a number of people who work full time with full time childcare - nursery/childminder rather than grandma etc.
I think what they do is maximise the time they do have with their DCs, ie do loads at weekend with them, make sure they have a nice evening with them (ie leave all chorse till they are in bed). Maybe people who don't work as much make less effort in that way (speaking for myself; I have more time with the kids now so am more likely to do the hoovering) so maybe it balances out that way.

[Clary]

priness we always used childminders for the reasons you mention (and because of greater flexibility as to times).

[ChrissyJ]

Thanks yes I will give the cm option some more thought for the reasons you suggest. Also would be better financially as in my bit of London nurseries are £250pw!!

[princesscc]

How much! What part of London is that? N, S, E, or W will do!

[DaphneHarvey]

You are posting about what YOU want, not what your baby wants. No one knows how an 8 month old thinks or feels, no one can speak for him. No one on Mumsnet can tell you how he is going to react to being in childcare fulltime, or indeed whether he would rather be in that setting or with you full-time or part-time.

The decision appears to be all about what's best for you.

And I'm looking at this dilemma from a neutral perspective, btw. Without any kind of judgement, before anyone jumps on me.

[Bubble99]

princescc. What ratios do you work on as a CM for an 8 month old?

[ChrissyJ]

Princesscc - West London, but not a posh bit!

Daphne - not quite sure iswym. Do you mean the decision will have to be about what's best for me?

[princesscc]

It differs from cm to cm, but I am allowed 6 children between 0 - 8 but only one of those can be under one. I believe the one under one is the same for all, unless of course someone has twins in which case its allowed.

[princesscc]

I'm in South London btw, so I'm not available!

[Bubble99]

So, in theory, you could have one baby (under one) and five others of any age between 0-8 (well, not between 0-8, 2-8, because you already have your baby place filled?)

If you look after twin babies you will then have two babies and 4 of any other age under eight?

[ChrissyJ]

Would be 1-8 rather than 2-8 surely...

[Bubble99]

Can be 0-8 as long as milk preparation is done in a safe and separate area.

Nurseries operate on ratios as follows:

0-2 - 1 adult/3

2-3 - 1 adult/4

3-5 - 1 adult/8

[maximummummy]

c/minder ratio normally 5 children under 8 of which 4 under 5 of which 1 under 1 year old plus as many over 8 as you like

[maximummummy]

sorry got that wrong

[Bubble99]

So, let me get this straight. A CM could be looking after an 8 month old baby and five other children up to the age of 8?

[maximummummy]

childminder may care for no more than 6 children under 8 years ; of these ,not more than 3 may be under 5 years and, of these , no more than 1 may be under 1 year at any one time - plus as many over 8's as you want/have room for so long as it doesn't effect the level of care given to your under 8's HTH

[DaphneHarvey]

Am a bit confused myself now tbh!

Is your decision: whether to go back to work full time or not?

or

What sort of childcare for an 8 month old baby?

From your OP, it seems question 1 has already been decided.

If you'd like my opinion, I'd say nanny or childminder for any child under 3, rather than day-care in a nursery. Babies in nursery are stuck in one place, sometimes in one room plus maybe the garden, up to 60 hours per week.

Childminders or nannies will take the babies out with them, just to the shops, or to school to drop off/pick up older children, to toddler groups, to other activities. They get far more experience of the wider world and at 8 months they really don't need to be socialising or interacting with their peers much. That doesn't come naturally to children until they are about 4. Ask any teacher of pre-school children.

[maximummummy]

yes a childminder COULD be - i'm a childminder don't have any babies at moment i have 2x2 year olds and a 3 year old OR 2x 2 year olds and a 4 year old

[Bubble99]

A nanny is probably best if you want 1/1 care. You may be able to find a 'nanny share' in which case you'll get 1/2 and it will cost less, obv.

Not sure that a childminder with 5 other children is better, TBH, than a nursery operating on 1/3 ratios for under two's.

[maximummummy]

bubble most childminders do not fill all their spaces i find 3 kids at a time more than enough for me especially as i'm potty training the 2 year olds at the moment

[maximummummy]

a childminder can offer the most consistant care in my opinion(biased) yes we can have up to 6 kids but different ages need different levels of care eg: 3 & 4 year olds are toilet trained can play happily while i tended a baby/changed a nappy set up an activity - also most 3/4/5 year olds are at nursery/school for part of day and younger children sleep for part of day so every child has his/her needs met