Bit wibbly - back to work on Thursday

[Verso]

The time has finally come! I'm due back at work on Thursday and I feel such a conflicting mass of emotions. The early part of my maternity leave was dreadful (horrible birth, mild PND etc), so at first I was in shock about the whole thing and can't say I enjoyed it at all.

Latterly, though, I've been really really enjoying spending time with DD and I'm going to miss her hugely. In fact, just thinking about it makes me well up. V professional, eh?!

Any advice/support or offers of gin would be very much appreciated.

[Verso]

Ah, no one has any words of wisdom for me . Thought there might be someone else out there going back to work soon and feeling the same.

(Wish there was a 'delete thread' button.)

[auntymandy]

oh poor you!
Someone might be on later to help you out. If they are already back to work they may not have time to be on here now. Maybe bump later when they are at work and do this there!!!

[Verso]

Ah! good point!

[auntymandy]

bumping for you!

[CarlyP]

similar situation for me. i went back in june. beleive me it does become easier and you get in a great routine and appreciate every second with yor DD. i work 4 days per week and the oher 'weekday' it is jsut me and the boys and i love it. no housework etc, jsut me and them and i have a snooze and read my book lunch time when they are asleep!!!

your DD will be having fun with her carer/s and itll give her a good 'change of scenery' (for want of a better word!)

good luck for tomorrow.

cx

p.s. the first week/2 weeks is the worst. get through that and you will be fine.

[Surfermum]

I felt like this Verso. I had a year off and just didn't want to go back at all. I even phoned Personnel to find out how much I would have to pay back if I didn't go, but it was too much.

I have to say though, once I got there I really enjoyed it. I was surprised after my first day how I realised I had been me again, not surferbaby's mum, and I hadn't even realised that I had lost myself somewhere, if that makes sense. I went back with the intention of working 12 weeks and then maybe handing in my notice, but once I got there, I found I enjoyed my 2 days away from surferbaby, enjoyed being able to make a cup of coffee when I wanted and drink it hot, do something that didn't involve a baby or cleaning the house. I'm sure now that if I hadn't gone back, I would have got fed up with being at home all the time. I only work 13 hours, but for me it's the right amount. I get the break I want from home and I think it makes me a better mum when I am at home, and I make the most of my time with dd.

Are you going back full-time or part-time?

[mandymac]

Hi Verso

I'm going back in January when dd will be just over 6 month and I'm already having wobble (or wibbles! . Like you I found the first 3 months or so really hard, but I'm really enjoying it now I'm in a routine and she is so much fun! I just keep trying to think how I would feel if someone waved a magic wand and said I could stay at home with her full time and long term and whether its the fact that I can't that makes it more appealing iyswim? I'm hoping to go back 4 days a week, are you going back full time?

[Verso]

Thanks for your replies. It helps to know I'm not alone!

I'm going back 4 days initially, and then full-time from January. Well, that's the plan, anyway. I asked our HR manager already about working full-time hours over four days but she said no

We rely heavily on my salary (and to be honest, I am more ambitious than DH) so unless (until?!) we move away from the area, we are kind-of stuck.

Thing is - I have always loved my job. Just didn't realise I would feel so torn about leaving DD. It makes me well up just thinking about it . Hormones, I suppose...?

Did either of you carry on BF after you went back to work? If so, how did that work out for you?

[Surfermum]

I wasn't breastfeeding when I went back to work so it wasn't an issue for me. There are lots of others on here who work full-time or nearly full-time so keep bumping this as I'm sure someone will be able to give some good advice.

[ToshyTinker]

Am going back in January. Feel distinctly unhappy about this. Hoping to carry on breastfeeding, will see how it pans out. Don't dislike my job but am aware that I won't get this much time off again.

[auntymandy]

see I told you you would get replies later!

[Verso]

I bow to your superior judgement, auntymandy!

[auntymandy]

lol!! has it helped?

[LynnC]

I know its rotten having to go back to work I hated it I'm same as CarlyP came back in start of June and only work 4 days and Friday is my day with dd. You really will appreciate your time more with her which is always a positive thing. It will be tough and remember waterproof mascara (if you wear any) cause it will be tough leaving in the morning but it will get easier -promise! You also love your job which is great too, you'll be in swing of things before you know it. Good luck

[Lel1972]

I hated it, but it does get better. I was still Bf when I came back, but we have a room where you can go to express (that was SO weird as it's next to a meeting room and I could hear people talking next door - at least it drowned out the squeak of the pump!). Have you sorted your childcare out, as that helps, if you know your child is well cared for. My DD is at nursery 2 1/2 days a week, with DHfor 1 day, and me the day and a half. we both went part-time, as this was the best way to get enough money in but still have one of us home with DD as much as we could. I like my job, but still would prefer to be at home, but the alternative would be to sell the house and buy something in a worse area, and then I'd still ahve to do something to pay the bills. one of those things where you have to let your head give your heart a bit of a talking to, but it is hard! lots of hugs. can you log on in your lunch hour?

[stramash]

Hi Verso

I remember this feeling very well. I went back to work 3 days a week when dd1 was 9 months. I spent the last 2 days before going back wandering round the house crying,clutching dd then decided to watch "Angela's Ashes" ( didn't know what it was about) to cheer myself up. Big mistake ( howled for about 6 hours solid). I was absolutely dreading it , but after a few weeks I started to enjoy work. Although I missed dd1, I knew she was being well cared for, and it was good to have some adult conversation which did not revolve around nappies/BF/babies.It all got a lot easier as time went on. I think it's almost like a sort of "grief" reaction you go through - grief for the time you've spent with your baby that you won't get back.

I'm on maternity leave again and am going back full time ( which is 4 days a week in my job) when dd2 is 9 months old in January . Strangely, it's just as difficult this time.I'm looking at dd now and dreading it all again. I have a bit of confidence from last time that it will be OK.

Just wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone! Good Luck!

[motherpeculiar]

hey Verso

you know I was dreading it, and I still am not mad about being back at work but it is not that bad at all, and indeed quite nice sometimes to be able to have a cup of tea in peace.

You are happy with your childcarea rrangements aren't you? that makes a huge difference as if ou know DD will be happy and well cared for you will be able to cope. SOunds to me like you'll be ok tho' once you are back in it a week or two since you say yourself you are career minded and ambitious.

It's good that you are easing in gently with P/T hours, that has been my saving grace too.

Anyway, no real words of wisdom just a big GOOD LUCK for tomorrow

MP X

[motherpeculiar]

stramash - what you say about "grief" really struck a chord with me. That's exactly it but I never thought of it that way before. I found it MORE difficult second time around, oddly.

[Verso]

Thanks MP, and everyone else too. I'm reasonably happy with our childcare arrangements, but that doesn't stop me wishing it was me who was there and not someone else, me to offer cuddles when she falls over, me to ... oh bugger I'm all sniffly again.

I've been pondering the 'grief' thing, stramash, and I have to say I agree that that about sums it up. It's like I can never turn back the clock and I'm mourning that her earliest days are all gone now. Particularly poignant for me as the first few weeks were awful and included a week back in hospital, which was horrible and made me feel cheated somehow. I'd been building up to the birth for so long, and suddenly everything was not remotely what I'd expected. (I know this is kind-of normal, but there was other stuff as well as the usual upheaval of having a newborn to look after.)

Mind you, I suppose feeling like this also has the effect of making you want to hurry up with the next one! (Never thought I'd say that, but it's true.)

Sorry to wax all philosophical. Will put my business head on tomorrow (I've put a note on the fridge specially) and will try to maintain a sense of perspective and balance.

(fat chance)

[manzanilla]

Have you been to work now Verso? If so, how was it?

Am in exactly same boat and not coping well either. Took DD (7 months) to nursery this am for her first trial session and she cried nearly all the way through it. Don't know if I can bring myself to do it but money means I have to. After we left, she fell asleep and I tried to hold in the tears as I went round tescos. They must have thought I was a nutter!

Apart from waterproof mascara, any tips for getting through the first few weeks? Also, is it easier to keep phoning to check all OK or stay in work persona and assume they'll call if she isn't???

[Verso]

It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, manzanilla. In answer to your question, I find it easiest to put on my work hat and assume the nursery will phone me if they need to. That way, work seems quite normal really. I think it helps that I love my job, so when I'm back at work I really enjoy my day. (Am I allowed to say that?!) Do you like your job?

The only parts of the day that are really rubbish are the transition times between work/home and home/work. Dropping her off in the morning is difficult - not the actual dropping off, because she's quite settled at nursery now and likes the staff there, but walking to the station once she's gone feels horrible. I don't like that bit and get a bit sniffly, to be honest. Once I'm on the train I'm fine though.

Then coming home I'm usually all excited to think I'm going to see her (which is really really nice!), but if the train is delayed and DH texts me to say she's fallen asleep or is going to bed, then I feel terrible. As it turns out, there hasn't been a night yet when I haven't seen her, but I can imagine it will happen at some point.

Did you stay with your DD for the whole trial session? She might find it easier without you there, or at least you could try it to see how she gets on. The other day my DD was all happy and playing, and I was about to leave, but then I had to go back to speak to the key worker about something and as soon as DD heard my voice she burst into tears. I think they are ok until they realise you've been away.

As far as tips go, I only have one: organise, organise, organise! There is NO time for things not to be ready when you need them to be, so you have to make sure DD's clothes (and spare clothes - God they get through loads at nursery!) are ready for the morning, and any other random items the nursery asks for (spare wipes, comfort objects etc). I have notes on my fridge, kettle and the toilet cistern (!) of things I MUST NOT FORGET!

It could just be me, but I find my memory isn't what it was pre-baby, and I just wouldn't have time to go back to the house before work if I had forgotten anything.

Hope this helps!

[likklemum]

Im back to work 1st of December and Im not looking forward to it. We moved from London when I started Mar leave and I have to return for work for 3 mnths, for 2 days a week. this means that i will have to drop DS off at my mums on Weds eve and pick him up Fri eve.

I really dont want to miss out on first time he crawls, first word, first tooth etc. I dont know wether to say to my mum "dont tell me" or "tell me straight away".

I have also started to feel panicky about if he has an accident and I cant get to the hospital quickly.

I knew I am going to be in pieces the first time he goes.

[manzanilla]

Verso, you are my heroine for your bravery with this! your message made me feel SO much better as I realised I wasn't the only one who was in this boat. Many people told me when I went on ML that "By the time she is 6 months you'll be missing work, ready to come back blah blah blah". I was very into my job before I had DD but now everything has shifted so much.

I stayed for all of the monday session (when I last wrote) and for 15 minutes on Tues, day 2 of her induction. She cried for most of her 2 hours on Tues. I had to do 5 hours on Wed and left (in tears, but biting lip) after half an hour to go to hairdressers. One of the nursery nurses was trying to put her to bed and she was HOWLING - woke up all the other babies. Felt myself filling and knew it was go and pick her up or leave her be- as I have to go back a week today, I turned for the door and kept walking....

I rang half an hour later - still crying. Went to hairdressers to take mind off it and rang again after anther hour - still crying. Spent the next hour walking round Dulwich biting back the tears.... went to nursery and she was very pleased to see me. She had cried for over half of her time there but we had both made it without backing out...

Today was much better. She did the whole day and I worked from home. Rang once at 11.30 and she was fine. Pleased to see me at 5 ish when I went to pick her up.

Agree totally about not ringing - I have had to brave it and decide they will call if she has an accident. I tell myself when I panic that I chose the nursery because i thought she would be safe and happy there. They will call me if she is not safe and is injured. The happiness thing is harder - they won't ring if she is sad but I know that she WILL get better and will (I hope)love th place in a few weeks. If I stopped believing that I would have to stop it now. I had serious reservations last week but thought of the £000 to repay if I left now and thought again.


My memory is shot to pieces - I got half way there and realised I had left the buggy at home ! Swift about turn ! I often remember that I need to buy this, pay that bill, phone that person etc etc but can't remember it IN FULL. Disaster.

LM, I know ezactly how you feel but you will be fine. You will be upset when he first goes away but you know he is with your mum and will be safe. Chances of an accident are v rare = my nursery said that they had had to take a baby to hospital once in five years. How old is DS? You are still with him for the greater part of the time so will prob not miss his milestones.

I have told my nursery not to tell me about her first words, steps etc... My mum saw her crawling before I did though and I felt strangely calm about this and couldn't wait for her to do it again! I think it's different with someone related to your baby.

Stay calm, ladies, and hoping to hear from you soon. Thanks for all your support.

X

[Verso]

I take back almost everything I said! DD has been ill this week so everything has fallen apart. No sleep, arranging time off work, feeling bad no matter what I do.

Today DH thinks DD is well enough to go back to nursery, but I'm not sure. This is awful, because no matter what I decide, it will be wrong.



Hopefully next week will be better. Sorry to be so gloomy. Just v worried about DD and also my job!

[Dophus]

Hi Verso,

I hope thigns pick up for you. I think I have levft you some words of wisdom (!) previously. However I ahve been back at work for three months now and definitely I'm glad to be back. Had we been able to afford it I would have gladly chucked it the job whilst on maternity leave. However now I really enjoy it; it's good to switch off; have adult non-baby related conversation; not be cleaning and ironing; to use my bran again and to have an identity ither thatn that of a mother. On the down side it is very very tiring and particuilarly challenging to try and appear intelligent when you have been up half the night. I never knew tiredness like it and sometime by the end of the week I am virtually hallucinating due to fatigue.

If you are ambitous and enjoyed your job before then you will settle back in. It took me about two weeks to be able to switch off from DS and about a months utnil a felt settled. I still hae dips (like today!).

Stick with it - it'll be fine. Christmas is only just around the corner!