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Lumbar disc problems, constant pain. Where next?(137 Posts)
Yes <sigh> it's me. For those are wondering who <me> is. It's a looooooong woeful tale of misery and pain brought about by degenerating L5/S1 vertebral disc.
So, medically this is where I am:
Had second spinal pathway (assessment point) appt with 'clinical senior physiotherapist' who works with the neurosurgeons. He agreed weakness of foot flexor on left leg, and some muscle weakness/atrophy in the calf, along with numbness and not being able to get anywhere near tippy toes on that foot, agreed that indeed things have probably got worse and that indications are the nerve is trapped/damaged (either or both) (yes, probably happened when I was told to do 'cobra' with force x 10, 4 times a day despite not being able to stand straight due to back not liking it - literally as soon as I was forced 'upright' the nerve pain shifted from right leg to left leg and BADLY). He also said he suspects I have an unstable spine, and that if disctectomy was not required, spinal fusion is very likely the best option now (different from Aug 2012)
MRI at the end of December. Results show 'indications of disc bulge that warrants discussion with neurosurgeon' and a letter was sent to say that this, along with evidence of planter flexor weakness, and some other jargon, the neurosurgeon has 'kindly' agreed to see me. YEY! I got this letter mid January, fabulous, not long now!
12-15wks wait. 4 months. To just have a chat with the guy. But, hey ho, at least I am on the waiting list now. And at least I am having a good run, with good positive thinking to push the pain to the back of my mind and I was walking straight so it seemed I was doing well, last 'episode' was over christmas, but recovered well. Yes, the odd few days where it 'goes' but I am learning to manage those episodes with carefully planned rest/medication/exercise contigency. Except, NO.
About two weeks ago it 'went' again. Really. Fucking. Badly. I should have gone to hospital due to level of pain, but in fact, I was at home on my own with two children one of which was poorly (another story). Goodness knows how I managed it. But I did. It took until sunday this week (10 days?) to stop the muscle spasms, which were going higher and higher. I was physically unable to stand straight, not just due to pain, but the back refused to go that way. Like before. So, I did the cobra exercises. Just 4 of them.
And now, the worst possible pain imaginable down through from my back (but not there particularly) down deep in my left buttock, hip, thigh, calf, right into my foot. It feels like something is going to snap. The pain when I take a step is agony, and although I can straighten, I can do that AND walk. My leg has to be bent outwards a bit when I walk and I can't put pressure on it.
And my back keeps 'buckling'. If I knock into something it gives way. If I twist wrong it gives way. I stood up from the chair yesterday without thinking, so did it normally, how I used to, not slowly, and as soon as I got to the almost standing position - BAMM! pain and collasped back into the chair as my back gave out.
I CANNOT live like this any more. The pain is unbearable and my meds are not touching it. It is now keeping me awake at night, I can't find any position with no pain. I have tried so hard. SO FUCKING HARD! to get on with life. How can I make it through like this until April or May? And then god knows how long before any surgery? My life is fucked. It is taking it's toll on every single aspect of my life - my relationship is at rock bottom, although luckily we love each other enough to recognise we need to make some changes, and that we want to and are talking about things
now my work, well, I am hardly there, next to useless when I am. I will very likely lose my job at some point this year, certainly decrease my salary as I go onto half pay. Let's not talk about my children, they are rocks, but, even DD is feeling it now.
So. Apologies for the extraordinarily long rant to get to the point. But, where next medically? My GP has referred me to pain clinic (there is a waiting list of a month or so) I have no idea why they didn't do this before, I have asked, but heyho. And I have been given pregabalin. I have been given this before, but didnt take it as I am scared. I have tried amytriptiline and gabapentin and both turned me into a zombie-like person, I could not function. Although amytriptiline worked well in terms of nerve pain relief. GP gave me a lower dose and I took the first dose this evening. What else can I do?
If I go to the hospital, will they be able to give me steroid injection into my spine to numb it? God I so want to do that. Go to hospital, have some fucking powerful drugs and be left to sleep for a few days with no pain. Then I can get up and get on with it again.
How the Heck do I get through the next few months when I can barely get myself up and dressed in the morning, let alone have any life? Any techniques for coping (don't say counselling...).
The prospect of 8mths plus before surgery and then 3 months recovery. I am not going to be anywhere near normality for another YEAR! presuming of course surgery is suitable.
Sorry. I am sure you are not going to get this far. But if you do, fucking well done you!
Um I think I may have mentioned this to you before - if so sorry to bang on - but I can recommend Alexander Technique as a way for you to learn to move and go about your daily life without the fear of hurting yourself.
There was a study published in the BMJ not so long ago which decided conclusively that patients who had AT lessons had vastly reduced levels of back pain over a period of time, compared with those who carried on as normal.
Might be worth looking up.
shotgun I have been recommended some-one who does alexander technique and am due to to see her in a couple of weeks! She was recommended by a friend from work who works as an amateur actress and used her to help with her acting I have taken my time as I have struggled to find someone in my area that I felt comfortable using/paying for and, tbh money has been tight so I have been cautious about trying new things that cost money. But that is all gone out the window as I have to change this NOW.
I have also been recommende reiki, for those who are into proper 'woowah' as she said, if it doesn't help, it at least won't make it worse.
Pav, I can send you some remote healing work, if you're up for it? I don't ever say you will be healed, but if anything you might be chilled and that would be something for a change for you xxx
I'm so glad - good luck with it! It's not a quick fix (although some people seem to 'get' it quite quickly and feel results almost straight away), but it's something you can keep up for ever and is so empowering. Oh, I'm banging on again .
I tried reiki for something else years ago. It was quite relaxing but I didn't notice any massive difference (dodgy shoulder) but it was very relaxing and totally hands off (proper woo!) so definitely can't hurt. And I'd love to know about Alexander Technique too - anything which might help me avoid my back going again in future.
I've not drunk since before Christmas after starting tramadol again - was it lovely to have a good bottle of wine? I've had to take some codeine today - overdid it playing with my kids when really I should have been resting - so am going to indulge my guilty pleasure of a large baileys tomorrow night instead!
You can find loads of stuff on Youtube (basic lessons) and just by googling around - a lot of teachers have really informative blogs. But the best way to learn is having one to one lessons with someone whose hands can guide you to find the 'right' positions.
How you doing Pavlov?
Hey eleanor I am doing ok. Leg pain has not got worse, nor better. I am so bloody fed up with it though tbh. It's there, constant pain at the forefront of my mind every second of every day, it just hurts so much and I can't stop it. I also find that for about 1 hour in the afternoon as the last meds where off and the new meds have not quite kicked in I guess, the pain is so intense like the other day, and the sensations/loss of feeling/pins and needles/altered sensations are so heightened I have to stop what I am doing and just stand there - I can't talk, feels like I can hardly breathe, and the pain/weird sensation goes through my lower back, back passage, genitals, and then eases.
There is no let-up. Not even at night as it keeps me awake. However, getting drunk helped as I did sleep for a good few hours in an unconscious state!
and eleanor you asked about wine. I have not enjoyed a glass of wine for months and months, as even though I was fine drinking one or two small glasses occasionally even while taking tramadol (bad me for experimenting, but not brave enough to go past 2 glasses!) I just went completely off the taste of all alcohol, I would fancy a glass, take a sip and not drink the rest, it all tasted revolting, like really cheap wine - both red and white, and didn't fancy beer or spirits (and I normally LOVE manhattans), but, not sure why I fancied a glass, but I actually wanted it, which is why I didn't take the meds, where normally I would be like, no point stopping the meds as I only want a sip or two. And the first bottle was lovely! A meal deal in sainsburys, and it was a Chilean Sauvignon Blanc, surprised as normally don't like the chilean wine, second bottle tasted rough, which was surprising as it was a NZ Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc (that sounds like I drank two bottles, I didn't but did drink just under one bottle in total , with DH leaving huge glass as he got too drunk, lightweight).
And today, I had one small glass of wine at a friend's house at lunch time, it went straight to my head and was yuck and it was a tiny glass too. So, back to normal for me!
Blimey I never thought I would become virtually tee-total. That is why my blog is called what it is, due to my love of all things wine!
indigobarbie I am sorry I have not replied, I meant to PM you directly, but as I went to, I got distracted by children. I will do that now.
Sorry sorry sorry - meant to reply and then the days have run away from me.
How are you feeling now? Any changes? The wierd sensation in your saddle any better? That's the bit that would worry me (pre discectomy I had a lot of v odd tingles and parasthesia in my buttocks/inner thigh etc along with numb patches and it turned out all the nerves were being totally compressed!). Have you managed to get any further with the spinal pathway team /neuro?
Know how you feel about the booze - I used to love wine, and cocktails and after months on different meds I couldn't drink on I've now lost the enjoyment from it. Shame I don't feel the same way about chocolate!
Hello Pavlov, I am traned in Postural integration ( like Rolfing) and I don't think it would be the thing for you ( and is expensive as it works through the whole body systematically). Things like Alexander technique will help to train you to align your body and minimise pain. Sometimes healing works, I am happy to send too. Visualisation can help with pain relief. Yoga therapy too.
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