I feel so down

[chrisgtfc]

Hi everyone I just want to write down how I feel. I have PND which came about after my son was born in December but I didn't get any help until about a month ago. I'm in the RAF currently in Cyprus and on maternity leave. I have another son who is 18 months old. I hate being at home on my own with them, every time they cry or whinge I just cry, I don't want to interact with them or anything. I don't feel like going out or seeing any of my friends as I can't be bothered to get myself ready. I'm getting married in less than 3 weeks which is great but the PND is overshadowing that and I'm not even excited about it. I'm snappy all the time with the boys and the other half. We also recently found out we are posted back to the UK in September to the same unit which is great but then I look at childcare costs and we cannot afford to live and pay childcare and I don't want to live seeing the people I work with more than my children. I want to leave the RAF and I can leave on account of maternity but with both children I opted to take an enhanced pay option in return for a years return of service per child otherwise I have to pay back the difference. This totals upwards of £15000 so I am absolutely stuck. Also on our next posting we will both be subject to detachments in Afghanistan and I am absolutely terrified and convinced I am going to get killed out there. DP doesn't seem to understand my worries and just tells me not to worry about things you can't do anything about so every time I talk to him I just feel worse.

[bexy73]

Oh you poor thing that sounds awful. I'm not sure I have any helpful suggestions on how to cope with everything you are going through , but just wanted you to know that someone had read your post.

I have suffered from depression inermittantly for years and can really relate to not feeling able to cope with whingy crying children.

Congratulations on the marriage although I suspect this may be an added stress on you at this time.

Do you know where abouts in the uk you are going to be posted? Once you do you may be able to investigate local cheeper options for child care.

As for coping at the moment. My suggestion would be not pushing yourself too hard. I have found it useful in the past when I am feeling really dreadful to set my self a simple task for each day even if that only means a quick walk around the block with the kids (ok....maybe not that simple, by the time youve unfolded the pushchair, put shoes on feet 5 times and redressed reluctant todler for the tenth time that morning!!!!. Still at least I always felt like I'd achieved something by the end of it!!

Just wondering wheather you have any support where you are now. Have you felt able to discuss your depression with a Dr/ health visitor or anyone?