All these bad memories are getting to me.

[PrammyMammy]

First of all, i am sorry if this is the wrong place to post, not really sure where else i could put it.

I have been having all these very vivid memoried reciently, from my childhood, it is making me very nervous, and maybe even quite enraged.
My dad worked a lot when i was young so a lot of my time was spent with my mum and my sister, who is 2 years younger than me. My mum used to make my sister and i sit on the sofa and not move, if we moved we would get a slap, or several. She used to make us fight, and used to do things like say to my sister ' did prammy say a bad word?' my sister would be scared to answer, and my mum would say ' just tell me the truth and you wont get into trouble, i won't give her a row' if my sister said yes, she would get hit for not telling on me, and i would get hit for swearing. I remember spending hours in my room. I remember both my sis and i being taken out of our beds and put outside for having a carry on at bed time, when i was about 6.
A lot of things could be bringing these memories up, my mum was and still is very controlling. I am 24, my sister 22, i spoke to my sister to see if she remembers these things and her memories seem to be far worse than mine. For example she remembers wetting herself because she was so scared when my mum was shouting her, and because she wet herself she was wrestled to the floor and a nappy was put on her. She must have been at least 5 when that happened because she was 5 when our brother was born,it was his nappy.

So i have found myself being very short tempered towards my mum, and feeling very angry. The thing is, she still tried to control us, i have noticed that she is often saying bad things about my sister to me, and sometimes she doesn't even answer us if we speak to her. She lies a lot to us, tells one of us one thing and the other something else. Whenever i see her now all i can't act properly because i feel so nervous. I have been feeling like this for the past 6 month or so.

What would be the best way of dealing with it?
Sorry for the looong post.

[aleene]

I am a bit out my depth here but I am sorry this happened to you.
I think you will need professional help to work through these issues. Your mother sounds unstable - where your teenage years the same?

I'm sure there will be other posters along to give good advice. I think the 'stately homes' thread in Relationships may be a good place for you to ask for help also?
Wishing you lots of luck.

[Tortington]

i'd cut her off

[PrammyMammy]

Thank you, i haven't seen that thread, but will go over and check it out now.
I remember having a bf when i was 15, and my mum raided my room one day when i was out, i must have been 16 by then because i had a saturday job, and she found a letter from my bf, a love letter thing, in the letter it spoke about a dinner we had at his parents house and said he was glad his mum and dad liked me or something, and my mum hit the roof said i was a slut and hisparents were bad parents for letting him have a gf so young, and then she told me to go stay with his patrents and threw me out. But my dad came and got me and brought me home.
If i am honest, i can't remember anything about my childhood, i have never even thought about these things until very reciently. I can't remember good things either.
I remember it was always my dad who tucked me in at night and said he loved me, and when i was about ten my mum said i was too old for a kiss good night. I can't remember my mum ever hugging me, or saying she loved me... not even once.

[willsurvivethis]

Prammymammy - we have an support thread on here for those who have been abused - and you have been abused too. If you want to and when you are ready come and join us.

[GetDownYouWillFall]

prammymammy what you have been through is childhood abuse.

It's really terrible the things you describe you mother doing to you. It makes me feel really sad and angry that an adult in power over such vulnerable little girls should abuse that power so very badly.

I really think you need to seek out therapy for this - do you feel it affects you know? You say you can't remember much so maybe you have really suppressed what you went through. It seems your sister remembers more. Maybe you could do therapy together?

Do you have your own children, maybe having your own children has brought it to the surface a bit?

I know it's a cliche but many people find writing a letter, saying all the things you felt and thought as a child towards your mother, and all the fears you had, can be very healing.

I hope you find peace x

[PrammyMammy]

Hi, thank you both for replying. I do think i need to speak to someone, what would be the best way to go about it, do i see my GP first of all?

I have a two year old son and my dd is 5 month old. I also wondered if the birth of my daughter has started my feelings.

The thing is, my sister is close with my mum, she says she just puts it to the back of her head for the sake of the relationship. I can't though. Every day it is on my mind.

[willsurvivethis]

Your sister has her own choices to make - you don't have to - your position is quite healthy.

Yes speak to your GP.

My memories were triggered by the birth of my son that left me like a helpless beetle with no power or control (due to a genuine emergency)and the realisation how vulnerable kids are.

[PrammyMammy]

So you had memories triggered too? Were your parents bad to you?
I thought for a while i was mad when it all just started popping up. I don't understand how it hasn't always been in my head, i mean it wasn't that long ago.

[willsurvivethis]

No I was abused by someone else and it was buried deep - the memories came out of the blue. Although I have had to accept that problems in my early childhood that had to do with my mum left me more susceptible to the abuse and that hurts.

[adelicatequestion]

Prammy

There are many people on the abuse thread whose memories were triggered by abuse by adults of many different forms.

Mine was abuse by men outside the family which I remembered but the effects of it didn;t come out until I had my daughter, then wham it hit me full in the face with panic attacks, anxiety etc.