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This fear that social services will come and take your children...

(554 Posts)
willsurvivethis Fri 29-Jan-10 15:41:24

...it worries me!

There seem to be so many women out there who are afraid to seek help for depression and other problems out of fear that they will lose their children.

I have just asked MNHQ if they would consider doing something with this. Because surely if so many of us fear to lose our children something is going wrong somewhere! Surely we should all be albe to seek help with confidence?

What are your thoughts on this? I struggle with PTSD and even told my doctor that I tended to keep emotional distance from my ds when he's ill without even considering the possibility of that having repercussions.

johnhemming Sat 26-Jan-13 22:48:22

There were, however, two cases recently in the court of appeal where the parents won the case and I initially drafted the paperwork. Lawyers did get involved but not until after the paperwork was submitted by the parents as litigants in person.

However, there are lots of cases and I cannot do that much work.

amillionyears Sun 27-Jan-13 15:35:50

Well said NanaNina.
Let the courts do their job.

wakeupwakeup Thu 31-Jan-13 18:06:05

The courts do not do their jobs as they should do their jobs. I am actively involved in a case with a mother who has not had so much as a parking ticket. On the grounds of probability, which does not prove anything, she could have her child adopted. She is an amazing mother, who has nothing more interest than the love and care of her child. It should not be happening like this. The solicitor who is a professional loser, has done nothing for her but advise her to go along with the appropriate named SS. Her denied her so many opportunities to put things before the court, making various excuses as to why this was not appropriate. Having engaged a new solicitor they were all over it within minutes. I have seen how the SS and CafcaSS operate as well as the so called medical experts. The same names crop up, over and over again.
Research everything you possible can and arm yourself with as much information as possible. Ask relevant questions whenever someone claiming any authority says you must do what they say. Seek support as quickly as possible.

Unfortunatlyanxious Thu 31-Jan-13 19:26:46

I was ill with serious PND after the birth of my DS, I didn't seek help due to the fear of SS taking my baby away. When he was four months old I had some kind of total crisis episode. I was found by my HV. I was admitted immediately to a Mother and Baby unit and spent almost four months in hospital. At no time did I have a SW, they decided I was no risk to my baby only to myself. It was the most petrifying experience of my life. I had been an in patient before on a general ward a few years before.

I owe my HV my life, wonderful woman. She told me what happened that day but I have absolutely no recollection whatsoever.

wakeupwakeup Sun 14-Apr-13 17:51:10

Watch this; http://youtu.be/wpt1VJ_vuWo - Brilliant stuff

marjproops Thu 18-Apr-13 18:59:51

Im having a lot of counselling atm and i startt every single session ', when Im asked how i feel that day, with ''my biggest fear is you lot thinking im a terrible mum and will take DC away from me.''

DC has to come with me, and they can see shes clean/washed/well fed/ loved (she sits close to me with headphones on with music so she cant hear the convo, dont want her affected)and clearly devoted to me.

I know . its bad enough we feel rock bottom without that too to worry about.

the relevant 'services' should be grateful those of us with problems are seeking help in the 1st place. that says a lot about our love and concern for our chidren, yes?

wakeupwakeup Sun 19-May-13 13:44:45

Please sign the petition www.avaaz.org/en/petition/Stop_F ... e_UK/?copy
Stop Forced Adoptions In The UK.

1. The UK is the ONLY State in the WORLD that gags parents whose children have been taken by Social Services.
2. The UK is the ONLY State in Europe to permit forced adoption.
3. The UK is the ONLY State in Europe to allow Punishment without Crime, i.e. the taking of children by Social Services from parents who have not committed any criminal offence.
4. The UK is the ONLY State in Europe taking children for emotional abuse and “risk of emotional abuse” – on the basis of predictions from overpaid 'experts' that one day parents just might harm their children.
5. The UK is the ONLY State in Europe to censor conversation between parents and children in care. Children are left wondering what they have done wrong, as parents are forbidden to explain the situation, or discuss the court case in any way. Phrases such as “I love you and I miss you” are also forbidden under the threat of contact being stopped immediately if the parents “transgress.”

While legally kidnapping is an international phenomenon, Forced Adoptions are unique to the UK. When 2,000 signatures are reached, they will be taken to MEPs.

This petition aims to stop all institutions involved in covering up these destructive practices, greatly helped by the Secrecy of Family Courts and a Judiciary that is independent from Government.

Over 1,000 children per month are put into 'care' in the UK. Generally against the will of parents and grandparents. Most of them are foreigners. Only a small percentage actually gets adopted.
bit.ly/RYV1Jq

An estimated 10,000 children went missing according to a report of the All-Party Parliamentary Group for Runaway and Missing Children: bit.ly/19GAi5L

The UK is the only country in which parents are 'gagged' and threatened with prison, if they speak out. In 2006, 200 prisoners were in prison due to the family courts. Hearings are carried out in secrecy, at times not even open to the media.

Although ratified on paper, the UK does not implement the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child or Article 8 of the European Human Rights Act, the right to family life.

More on what's unique in the UK on "Punishment without Crime": bit.ly/MbzhX3

Background information:

For the normal non-believer, this is your induction:
Mainstream Media Overview – quite a lot of articles that didn’t make a difference: bit.ly/N45qUG

Our Portfolio of Nine Cases that we submitted to the Education Select Committee when it investigated child ‘protection’: bit.ly/109Bei8

For the experienced cynic, this is your analysis:
Child snatching is one of Seven Deadly Syndromes and Seven Media Cover-Ups: bit.ly/WLlc9V

For the person who can be convinced by Statistics: bit.ly/10WmFQx
• The Money: bit.ly/UODtAt
• The Kids: bit.ly/Woo9Am

From victims and their supporters who signed the online petition
• The Secrecy of Family Courts should be lifted NOW: bit.ly/kExfF1
• and added these marvellous comments: bit.ly/ZprkcH

LINKS:
Legally Kidnapped: legallykidnapped.blogspot.co.uk/
Forced Adoption: forced-adoption.com/introduction.asp
The Independent - The untold story of gagging orders: ind.pn/kPhKRn

What is worst: babies are taken at birth, without mothers getting a chance of proving their parenting skills, or, even worse, in prison. Foreigners and immigrants are targeted – at a loss to understand and with hardly any chance of ever seeing being a family again.

Furthermore, it has become politically correct for homosexual couples to adopt children.

The motivation of Social Services tends to be money in a multi-billion industry that leaves broken hearts and damaged lives behind: parents, often falsely imprisoned, and children who will later use Facebook to find their roots and heal their feelings of abandonment.

Lilka Sun 19-May-13 15:12:00

Argh

Wakeupwakeup- You are really nasty posting someting like this to women who need reassurance and have genuine concerns. Your post is full of shite and I bet you don't even care how you make people feel, you don't care about the posters feelings and worries one jot, are you deliberately trying to hurt people?

Normally because I'm not in the position of the women on this thread, I would not dream of posting of posting anything.

But nearly everything wakeupwakeup said is factually incorrect and I'm not letting that stand

2. The UK is the ONLY State in Europe to permit forced adoption. Completely false
3. The UK is the ONLY State in Europe to allow Punishment without Crime, i.e. the taking of children by Social Services from parents who have not committed any criminal offence. Utterly, completely false, all Eurupean countries have a care system and take children into care following abuse, even if they cannot criminally prosecute for it
4. The UK is the ONLY State in Europe taking children for emotional abuse and “risk of emotional abuse” – on the basis of predictions from overpaid 'experts' that one day parents just might harm their children. False. Emotional abuse is worldwide acknowledged and includes things like drug and alcohol abuse on the parents part, or forcing a child to do humiliating and degrading things, which ALL European countries can take a child into care for
5. The UK is the ONLY State in Europe to censor conversation between parents and children in care. Children are left wondering what they have done wrong, as parents are forbidden to explain the situation, or discuss the court case in any way. Phrases such as “I love you and I miss you” are also forbidden under the threat of contact being stopped immediately if the parents “transgress.” My children's parents were absolutely permitted to say 'I love you' so clearly this is not even a UK wide issue. Why would a parent talk about a court case with their child anyway, small children don't understand it

The motivation of Social Services tends to be money in a multi-billion industry Jesus, who believes this shit? Adoptive parents pay nothing, social workers are poorly paid, councils have very little money and are cutting everything etc etc etc

Furthermore, it has become politically correct for homosexual couples to adopt children. It's not politically correct, it's just well recognised that gay couples provide brilliant homes to children who desperately need them. There are no reasons not to allow gay couples to adopt that stand up beyond basic questionning

And I really can't be bothered to highlight anything else. Just ignore this. Why believe someone who has no problem telling lots of demomstrable lies?

Organic100 Wed 14-Aug-13 22:57:08

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Organic100 Wed 14-Aug-13 23:06:09

NanaNina

Social services lie in their sleep. To them, lying is as natural as breathing. The lies that you have posted are rotten. Social services can write a false report and get a court order. And family courts are absolutely corrupt. Corrupt social services and corrupt judges work together. Gagging orders are made to prevent the parents from going to the press. I even know of mothers who have committed suicide after having their children removed under false pretenses. And what about the child abuse and child trafficking that goes on in the care system. I have done a lot of research into child abuse and child trafficking in the care system, and also know people who has connections with police whistle blowers, and I'm well aware of what is happening with children in care. Be very careful about telling lies because you can't fool me. I can see straight through your lies.

feelingdizzy Wed 14-Aug-13 23:40:47

I was a social worker-I left as it wasn't the job I had done (too little resources large caseloads) and for family reasons.

One of the reasons I left social work is how you are made responsible for situations in which you have no power. Social workers have NO powers .Really they don't.

There are good social workers ,bad social workers, a lot of knackered worn out social workers ,but there is no conspiracy .Even from a selfish point of view no-one is going to add to their own caseload.

You are effectively accusing social workers of a conspiracy which makes their lives harder and their (generally ) crappy jobs harder. No social worker is going to take additional children onto their already huge caseload. Social services can't get memos out efficiently never mind plan a huge child stealing conspiracy!!! it just doesn't work like that .

Mistakes may be happening but it's that mistakes ,which are awful and terrible but it isn't part of some greater malevolent plan.

Organic100 Thu 15-Aug-13 10:14:46

feelingdizzy

That's not true at all and you know it. Social services have the power to take your children if they wish. You know very well they can write a false report and tell a pack of lies to get a court order. You must also know that Tony Blair introduced targets for social services. That is fact. And the more children they obtain and put into adoption, the more bonuses local councils and social services receive. And that's without going into all the child abuse and child trafficking that goes on. I am friends with people who have connections with police whistle blowers and whistle blowers in social services. You don't fool me.

mignonette Thu 15-Aug-13 15:31:46

Nana

RMN here. Depressive illness can result in admission under section if it is serious enough due to self neglect, suicidal or self harm ideation, planning or intent, potential to harm others or with a psychotic component. There are many many sections sought and granted each year for affective disorders across the NHS.

It is incorrect to say that sectioning is primarily a response to psychotic illness because it is not. Many of my most seriously unwell clients have mood disorders diagnosed as Depressive disorder of various types.

CakeInMyFace Sun 18-Aug-13 20:33:15

This thread is terrifying and I don't have any mh or other issues. Reading this has made me scared to go to my gp about anything. I really hope someone comes along with something sensible or reassuring to say soon.

nenevomito Sun 18-Aug-13 21:00:52

CakeInMyFace.

I've have bipolar, have been hospitalised, have been detained by the police under a section 136, have been unable to get out of bed or look after the children without help and at no point has removing my children even been mooted.

I have a lot of friends with MH issues that I have met through voluntary work and all of them have never had their children removed either.

Children are only removed if there is thought they may come to harm. This is mostly scaremongering at its best.

nenevomito Sun 18-Aug-13 21:02:59

Organic100 hmm just hmm.

SirBoobAlot Sun 18-Aug-13 21:15:25

Zombie thread...

CakeInMyFace, I have Borderline Personality Disorder (with co-morbid depression, anxiety and suspected PTSD) on top of a series of physical health conditions. I had social services involved when I was pregnant until after DS was born because in the year before hand, I had spent six months in a psych hospital.

Social services were wonderful, helpful and supportive. Their only focus was helping me to be the best parent I could. At the time I was terrified at the thought of having them involved, but in reality they were great, and ceased involvement after DS was born, as they had no concerns.

There has also never been any concern expressed about my ability to parent from any of my doctors, the GP, psychiatrist or any other specialist. This remains true even when I am sitting sobbing in my psych's office saying how much I want to die, or with my pain specialist saying that I can't get out of bed until an hour after waking up because the pain is so bad.

Social services don't take children for the fun of it. They don't enjoy it. It's not a game to them. Taking children into care is always a last resort, and when there are urgent concerns for the safety of the child.

Of course there are some social workers that are better than others. The well being of the child is always their focus, and if that can be maintained with parental residence not being altered, they will always do so.

They aren't these horrible demons designed to make life difficult. Can we please stop making them out as such.

CakeInMyFace Sun 18-Aug-13 21:53:35

Thanks for the reassurance. I'm quite emotional and prob shouldn't have read this thread but got a bit sucked in and by the end felt quite scared by it really. Some of these stories really are quite terrifying and the thought of being separated from my dd makes me feel insanely terrified. I am being checked out for palpitations which they may write off as anxiety and I certainly hope nothing comes out of that! Thank you again.

SirBoobAlot Sun 18-Aug-13 21:56:41

It's scaremongering, and a very old thread, Cake. Try not to worry too much (though I know that's a foolish thing to say when you suffer from anxiety).

insanityscratching Sun 18-Aug-13 22:00:20

My SS story is a positive one that will hopefully reassure some people. After the birth of my fourth child I developed pueperal psychosis, I became suicidal and was subsequently sectioned. SS did support us as a family and I understand why it was a CP issue as psych was concerned that if I committed suicide I would take my children with me.
SS provided respite care for my children where they would go to a FC during the day a couple of times a week, they sent in home helps to clean and do laundry, they organised a district nurse to come and bathe and cream and bandage ds's eczema. I believe they did everything in their power to keep us together as a family and when I was out of hospital and recovering they were quick to back off with SW only visiting monthly until CP order was removed after six months.
At no point did I feel I was in danger of losing my children and my parenting didn't seem to be scrutinised, their position was always one of being there to give support whilst I was ill until I was well enough to continue to be the good mother I was.
When I had dd eight years later there was no puerperal psychosis and no sign of SS.

lp3006 Tue 20-Aug-13 16:18:14

SS took my baby at 6 days old and are now planning adoption for "future risk of emotional harm". They have no issues with my parenting capacity citing "higher than average care given", I don't drink, have never taken drugs, have never commited a crime and am a decent human being. But I have mental health problems as a result of abuse in my childhood and had a breakdown 16 months ago. Though I have been stable since, it's not enough and I am likely to lose my baby forever. Can anyone help? I am overwhelmed with grief at being separated from my now 6 week old baby and can't cope with losing him for good.
Thanks x

SnowyMouse Tue 20-Aug-13 17:27:42

Hi lp3006

You might want to start a new thread to talk about what you've posted, people that can help and/or empathise might have hidden this thread.

HoopHopes Tue 20-Aug-13 18:43:30

Lp I would suggest getting a lawyer immediately that specialises in this. Is there a family member who can help or have the baby until they let you? What about the babies dad too?

Messupmum Tue 20-Aug-13 19:09:14

SS don't just take babies because of mental health issues! There must be other reasons for them to take those drastic measures. I'm sorry, but I'm fed up with people scaremongering and vulnerable mums who need help and support, will read this and not seek help.

I've been in hospital a few times due to my mental illness, and attempted suicide, as a single mum, ss were called by a nurse at a&e. My cpn, HV, GP and teachers had no concerns, we had monthly visits and meetings, and the case was closed. I was terrified when I got the call from ss but they reassured me, children were only removed if deemed at risk. It would have to be serious.

If you do what they suggest regarding meds and support, then they can be there to help.

Stop scaremongering, and tell the full story or nothing at all!

lp3006 Tue 20-Aug-13 19:11:42

Hi - I've written a post (thanks) explaining as much as I can. babys dad wants no involvement at all
x

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