i cant do this anymore i just cant cope

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

im sick of trying to pretend all is ok, im so unhappy and so depressed i just want it all to go away but all i can think about is my little boy, noone would want him if i wasnt here i know they wouldnt and i would hate to think of him in care or for him to find me in the morning or something but i just cant live like this anymore why is it all such a mess

[lambethlil]

I'm sure some more useful advice will be along soon, didn't want to let your post go unanswered...

[lambethlil]

How old is your son? can you write any more about what's going on?

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

hes 4 a week today, and autistic, noone would want him, noone sees us really now because of way he is. so many problems from past all wont go away and always arguing with partner, and just feel like its all such a mess why cant the past just do that stay in the past if that was never there i would be a different peron i know it

[lambethlil]

samaritans are on 08547909090. It doesn't matter if you can't talk but you might be able to..

[lambethlil]

Oops we cross posted, are you getting any help with your son? is he starting school in January?

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

thanks, just dont know anymore feels like its just not worth carrying on for, i know that sounds so selfish and daft but i just want to give up, if it werent for my little boy i think i would and the idea of that scares me so much,

sorry to bother you im just moaning ignore me ill be ok im sure

[lambethlil]

I'm sUre you will be ok, and its good to moan! Has anything happened to make you feel particularlt bad today?

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

he goes to a preschool at the moment, just trying to get him statemented to go to a special school if the professionals useless nobodies get their arse in gear!! my other half is pretty good at times but he has gone off in a mood again, says im moody and hormonal - apparently i have pmt all month - bloody men!! and he just dont get it, noone does to be honest, feels like noone i know can even see how low i am

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

well, me and oh have rowed again, and had an appointment with my womens aid person - like a befriender i think she is, that brought up all probs from past - previosu relationship and all that and i just feel like falling out with oh again was last straw ive been so low for ages and just a few little last nails in the coffin so to speak and its just sunk me i guess

[piratecat]

i'd think about seeing your gp, are you on any meds for depression. I am no stranger to depression, and i would say they helped me.

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

not on anything as gp refused, one of reasons im down - one of many i guess but still, is that im having problems concieving, so as were trying (and failing lol) gp wont give me ones that are safe in pregnancy as im not pregnant but i refused ones that arent on th grounds i would have to stop them the minute i got pregnant which i had to do when got pregnant with ds and would never want to do again if that makes sense, ive been on anti d's a few times in past but not for about 2.5 yrs

[piratecat]

i made the decision with my gp to take my meds whilst pg. It's just the way it was, my life wasn't working without them.

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

do you know if there are many you can take in pregnancy?? im just terrified of going on them and then having to stop suddenly

[madmouse]

Hi Meerkats sometimes it helps to just blurt out how bad it all is especially when you are the person who normally holds it all together and it sounds like you are holding yourself together and your family. And I can't judge for your partner but no of course your little boy can't live without you x

Have you ever ventured on mn special needs - love bunch generally very non judgmental and lots of mnetters struggling with autism and statementing and getting professionals to see that we parents know our child best. My ds has different sn but I have read lots of autism stuff on there - may help you to feel less alone.

Wishing you a more peaceful night - but please don't let things get any worse - calling Samaritans and just empty your heart of the load may not be a bad idea.

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

yeah go on sn sometimes but never feel like i have much constructive to say!

thanks, may ring samaritans see how it goes, might try to slep and see how i feel in morning i dunno

thanks so much everyone for being so lovely i need friends like you lot

[piratecat]

all i can say is that, my gp, at the time felt it to be in my best interests to take my meds whilst pg.

It's a difficult one, as I don't think they have much info yet about the pros and cons of doing this.

Mant anti d's are no very 'old', so they don#t have the reaearch done yet.

I took Prozac, b4 during and after, for severe depression, ongoing depression, which i am cool about.

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

thats only one i wont take, had it once and it was awful sent me to sleep i was so sleepy i couldnt work or drive or get out of bed half the time lol my ds would think it is christmas and destroy the house id just sleep!!

[piratecat]

different ones for different people. i was on seroxat for 2 yrs. many yrs ago, and it made me worse.

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

think ill brave gp's again see what they say this time

[piratecat]

sorry, had to get soem kip last night.

I now how intimidating gp's can 'sometimes' sem, esp if you are not in a good place, but it's worth trying again.

Going in and saying look this is how it is, and i really need you to listen to me. write down some notes. Someone will listen to you, if you reitterate that you need help.

[madmouse]

How are things today Meerkats?

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

thanks so much for all your kind words, im feeling a little better today but thinking ill try to go to the gp's next week instead as its my sons birthday on monday and busy with all that over weekend and would hate to start tablets with nasty side effects and wreck that, plus going to see if i can get a friend to come with me for moral support as the gp is not perticularly nice!!

I do feel a bit better today, yesterday really felt like ending it all and dont know how i would have felt without everyone on heres kind words of support, thanks so much

[edithpoppy]

YOu could always book to see another GP if the one you usually see isn't nice? Is there another GP in your practice?

I admire you so much for coping with autism - I have worked with autistic adults and it can be so very difficult. You must be so exhausted.

I would just say don't put off seeing the doc, go see him - you don't have to start taking the meds straight away you can wait til after the party - but just going to see him might make you feel as though you have taken back some control? may make you feel better?

good luck, keep posting

[ChildOfThe70s]

Hi meerkats, I just posted on your other thread about the party then I came across this one. I'm so sorry you are having such an awful time. My DS2 is going through the statementing process (we think he has Asperger's) and I know how stressful it can be. I've recently started anti-depressants and I feel so much better already. I don't know enough about them to know which are safe if you are trying to conceive but I would just really encourage you to go back to your GP - is there another doctor at the surgery you could see who might be more helpful? I tend to be a bit of a lurker but I have found the SN board really helpful - sometimes it can just make you feel better knowing that others are going through the same thing. Also the Autistic Society website has tons of information and support.