I have cried on and off all morning

[twoisplenty]

It has been building up inside of me for a few weeks, and today, I just lost the plot and I have felt terrible about it ever since.

This morning I shouted and really lost my temper with my ds (10yo) and I am worried how it has affected him at school. I can't "undo" the morning, but I wish I could.

I really don't want to be the parent of a sn child at the moment, he is frustrated, I am frustrated and I feel that it is a never-ending battle. He has cerebral palsy and severe learning difficulties, and I am worn down by it all.

This thread is pointless. I just needed to write it down. I am feeling sorry for myself big time. Sorry. Also helps to vent this here, I can't talk to rl friends, especially today, it will set me off crying again...I have to do the school run later for my dd at the primary school and my ds in his wheelchair will be with me. I am dreading it today.

[twoisplenty]

I wish I hadn't written this now. Please feel free to ignore. I usually only lurk on MN, I don't like being the centre of attention generally.

[Kbear]

Give DS a hug when he's home from school tonight, tell him you're sorry, explain how you're feeling (overwhelmed by the sound of it) and maybe ask him to help you a bit around the house with stuff to take the pressure off a bit.

We all lose it sometimes, you just have to keep breathing and carry on! Venting on here is very therapeutic.

[Comewhinewithme]

Venting is what MN is for we all have our crap days and you are not a terrible parent .

If you were terrible you would not be posting about it on MN you would have just forgot all about it.

It sounds as though you are under a lot of pressure ATM I can not imagine how stressful things are for you ...do you have anyone who could pick up DD for you today ?

[morningsun]

well we all lose the plot with our dcs for forgetting things,being slow and disorganised etc so I guess with sn there is an awful lot more to be patient about ~ and you can't see the end in sight.
I was totally exasperated with my ds this morning for taking the long way round to the car and looking at every blade of grass etc!when we were late!
could you get a bit of help even with a young girl/babysitter over the holidays or something?
hope you feel better now anyway

[Kbear]

sorry, I'm confused, I read about your sn child but assumed it was a different one to the child you told off...

[twoisplenty]

With the best will in the world, you have all set me off again!

Unfortunately I wll have to collect dd, there's no way around it. I dreading my friends as the school gate asking me, are you ok? I am sure to burst in to tears (again)

It's PMT as well you know...

But I have been under huge stress the last year or so, and it's strange but the pressure is actually starting to ease.

So now I suppose I can concentrate on my ds a bit more (you know, have time to think about the situation) and I feel wretched. He will never grow up, never go out to work, never leave me, never learn to talk...etc. My dd is lovely and she is growing up so nicely (she's only 5 but you know what I mean) and I can't help comparing my ds to my dd.

I know he can't help being him. It's just the awful tantrums and frustration I can't take.

[twoisplenty]

Kbear, no I have two children, the eldest has cerebral palsy (my ds). My youngest is my dd who is 5yo and I need to collect her from primary school at 3.10pm with my ds (who will be home first today, about 2.30pm in the taxi). I fear I have confused things even more.

[Kbear]

OK, clear!

If anyone asks if you're ok, say "not really but can't talk about it at the moment thanks" then take a deep breath and talk about something else. They're your friends, they will understand you're feeling a bit fragile. I always think the best way to deal with that wobbly feeling (like you're going to cry at the drop of a hat), is to have a good howl and get it out there!

I hope you have a nice weekend.

[twoisplenty]

Thank you Kbear. My dh will be around this weekend, and we have plans to do nice things, so it will take the pressure off. Yes, I will take your advice at the school with my friends.

[morningsun]

hope it goes ok at school
also it sounds like a grief type of thing for the ds you thought you would have?if so could counselling unravel some of those feelings for you to get some peace of mindxx