Has anyone had group therapy?

[Flihgtattendant]

I've been offered a place a while back for group psychotherapy.
I have trouble with depression and so on, don't take anti depressants, don't want to - I wanted some CBT or individual therapy (had it before - it was good, but only lasted 6 months, NHS resources and all that)

They have just offered a place in a group this time, which can be for up to 3 years.

I'm meant to start in January, but I don't want to do it - scared of groups, avoid social situations, frankly it would be like stepping into hell for me.

I know this is meant to be a good thing and would make me confront all that but tbh I think I'd rather stick pins in my eyes - I deal Ok with the scariness of one to one, but not a group. Maybe I am just not ready.

Has anyone else felt this way and taken the dive? I have written a letter saying I can't go - but it might be my only option if I want any therapy at all.

tIA...

[choosyfloosy]

bumping for you

dh is in group therapy at the moment

he is very committed to it and it has resulted in a lot of changes - not all of which I am entirely happy with. but the proof of the pudding is that he feels it is right.

it is not a big group (often 3 of them) and you do get to know the people in it - not strangers all the time. I would say it might be worth contacting the therapist in charge again and maybe talking through your fears?

so sorry you are feeling like this. it is really hard. hope you find a way through.

[Pixiefish]

Many many years ago I went to group therapy for depression. I made a lot of friendships and we all supported each other and became friends although we subsequently lost touch.
We were all there for difefrent reasons to do with depression and it was self confidence that they treated.

A group of 10 women iirc and 2 social workers running the course. Think it went for 10 weeks

[Flihgtattendant]

thankyou very much choosy. I was almost hoping someone would say 'No it's awful, don't go' but that was unrealistic wasn't it!

Partly I think it's because the man in charge of the group is the one I had individual therapy with. He failed to warn me we only had 6 months so I got in a bit deep then we just finished without much warning - resulting in my feeling worse for a good while, and also making a formal complaint - which wasn't really dealt with - well, I got to meet with head of dept who basically told me I was fine so should stop moaning.

I don't want to be in any situation with this bloke again, honestly I just don't trust him I suppose.
But he says everyone really benefits from the group and I am half curious.

It's about 8 people tho, could maybe cope with 3, but 8?

I'm glad it's helping your DH. I think he is v brave.

[Flihgtattendant]

Pixie, were you scared? I am just terrified of even going. It's a running group, people leave and join gradually, most stay at least a year apparently (you have to commit for that long - another of my weak points).

[choosyfloosy]

i wouldn't worry too much about the commitment - you committed brilliantly to the individual therapy

it's fair enough you shouldn't feel great about going into another situation with the therapist

but the main thing is the other people in the group - sorry that's not much help... in dhs' group there are meant to be more than 3 but they don't always turn up every week - the ones who do tend to make more progress tbh

[Pixiefish]

I was shitting myself Flight.

It took every ounce of my being to walk into that bulding. I had been seeing a Mental Health Nurse and she got me on the course.

I just had to force myself to go that day, smoked a million fags before I did and walked in. Typically for me I got there early as one of the things I don't do is walking into a room with strangers. So I got there early so that I was first. The SW's were next to set up and then the others arrived in dribs and drabs.

It was ok. I was quiet for a while but the SW's soon put me at ease- they're used to it I spose and know what to do

[Flihgtattendant]

Thanks both of you. Yes I am scared of walking into a room filled with people who already know each other. God...I can't even write it without feeling ill.

I don't think I am that brave.

He told me everyone has to turn up, every week, we're not allowed not to come as it upsets everyone else.

That level of commitment and responsibility is a bit much to bear tbh. I wonder if it really is that strict.

[Flihgtattendant]

Dittany - I had an appt to ask questions a few weeks ago. I couldn't think of anything and I wish I had asked that stuff now. i think tbh the only real thinking behind it is NHS protocol - you get your 6 months of individual, then you get put in a group for 3 years max.

It was offered a few years back after the original debacle, but no way could I even think about it back then. They have just waited a while and offered me the same thing. It's all they've got.

I'm sorry you had a crappy experience of it.
I just feel totally like it would be the worst thing in the world for someone like me. I don't 'do' other people - i have about 2 friends and never see them. Ordinary people don't really understand that. I don't go to parties, pubs, nothing - even town upsets me.

MN is bearable, most of the time...

[Earlybird]

Haven't ever done it, so no personal experience but can understand why you might feel nervous and reluctant.

Will you be the lone new person in an established group, or is an entirely new group starting?

If you think you need/want more therapy and this is all they'll offer, why not go along and see what it is like? It might surprise you in a good way.

[Flihgtattendant]

Thanks...

well it is a group of 8, 6 of them are already in it (I'm not sure how long since) and two of us are starting at the same time apparently.

Dittany - I agree, not the best place for me to let down my barriers iyswim. I think I will send the letter.

I'm not confident anything else will be offered though.

Earlybird - yes, I was thinking that way until about a week ago, when suddenly it hit me, the reality - it's made me a bit of a wreck. I don't think I can afford to fall to bits when I am the only one in charge of my children. I need to keep it together and starting the group is going to throw me completely, there's no way around that.

[Flihgtattendant]

Oh please don't worry Dittany. I have addressed it and everything - was looking for experiences but you haven't tipped me against it, I am quite capable of that myself

I have put in the letter that I'd be happy with CBT instead etc, so think I will send it and see if they suggest an alternative. You never know. It's taken so long to get this far that I'm not going to fall to bits immediately, I suppose

Thankyou all for being honest and sharing what happened to you.
I feel I have a better idea now.

[Earlybird]

It may be that group isn't right for you, but how will you know if you don't try? Is it really better to not go even once?

I've done psychotherapy intensively, and no question it can be profoundly upsetting to dig around in painful parts of your psyche. But, you seem so sure you'll 'fall to bits' more in group than you did in one-to-one. Why?

Might be worth exploring why you are resisting group so much. What are you afraid of happening? What do you imagine?

[Flihgtattendant]

Earlybird, maybe you are right. I don't know. I was willing to walk into individual therapy, really willing - keen in fact - and it was quite hard work, but i felt it was appropriate, in that I could begin to explore stuff I wasn't very comfortable with, in a safe place. I could take that stuff out of everyday life and leave it there, in that room, with that person.

I'm not sure why I am afraid of the other people element. I just don't know and it's kind of hiding behind a pillar in my brain at the moment, I can't even go there - frozen. The man told me I could explore this stuff in the group, too - but that seems like sending an emetophobe into a ward of people with noro and expecting them to be ok about it. It's just a bit intensively the thing I hate, all at once, iyswim.

[Flihgtattendant]

Btw not allowed to go just once. You have to commit - all or nothing. I asked already. Not that I imagine I'd get through the door even once anyway...

[Flihgtattendant]

I had not thought of other therapies, tbh. It's certainly worth a thought.
I have read a little Alice Milelr when I lived at home, and it always made me cry a lot - I ought to buy her books really. I just used to dip in, burst into tears and stop again...

I get very depressed and also socially I am useless...in that sense i think the man thinks a group would be excellent for me, you know, throw her in and she'll learn to swim. I think he has no understanding of my real terror.
(he wasn't that attentive when I saw him alone for 6 months - I don't think he was anyway)

I'm probably a bit deluded and it would do me good, but I am afraid, just simply very scared. It would be a big shock if it did change me that much, too.

I think I might buy some books instead

[Barking]

Hope you don't mind me joining in - reading your posts it sounds like the biggest fear is anticipation.

That is, if you can stop anticipating, the fear will fall away?

Re the therapist not being attentive, I think that is part of their training - I think a certain quality of detachment is maybe necessary in order for them to help.

[Flihgtattendant]

Of course I don't mind barking (though i think I need to borrow your name!)

I just spoke to my mum. i told her all this and she said everyone feels like I do about it. Everyone has the same fear and trepidation.

I disagree with her - I think most people would at least be capable of relationships on the most basic level, maybe with a husband or wife, a partner, a friend they meet up with - I'm not normal enough i don't think.

Maybe I am making excuses. I can't imagine if everyone felt like I do about it, there would even be a group at all.

[Barking]

What's normal?

[Flihgtattendant]

God, you're a therapist aren't you

[Flihgtattendant]

Seriously, though, is there a way to stop anticipating? I'm not sure I could.