My HV is going to help me with my PND but now i'm scared!!

[Dragonfly74]

Firstly apology's as this may be a long one!!

When I had DS I got really depressed but put it down to circumstances at the time, Me and DH running a business + newborn baby= stress. So I just carried on as best I could and kept telling myself that my feelings were normal and I would feel better eventually.

Anyway fast forward 3yrs me and DH are not running a business anymore DH has a great job and I'm a sahm which was what I had always wanted, We now have a DD 9mths.

When DD was newborn I got the initial baby blues which most mums experience and with time they went away...But by the time DD was 4mths I was getting the same feelings as with first DC. I was snapping at everyone,feeling angry over petty things, Couldn't look at myself in the mirror, crying all the time, feeling immense guilt that I wasn't giving enough attention to oldest child DS, and just generally feeling like a rubbish mum and a failure

So I went to see my GP who told me that I had PND and that I had possibly had it with DS and as it had gone untreated that was why I was feeling so bad this time round. He prescribed Fluoxetine and said as I was bfing DD I should keep a close eye on her as she could get drowsy from the meds, because of this I refused to take them until I had stopped bfing and GP wouldn't offer me an alternative so I came away feeling a bit let down.

So last week I took DD for her routine 9mth assessment and the HV asked how I was, I told her about my feelings and about the meds that the GP had offered, she was lovely and said that she would give me a call in the new year to see what I wanted to do about it. She called me earlier this week and said that she will come and see me at home and talk about whats on offer. I know this is going to sound ridiculous but i'm really scared now, talking to someone that actually listened and is willing to come to my home and discuss things has made it real where I suppose over the last few months I've been in denial about it all.
I'm terrified that she will think i'm not coping and take my DC's away,I know i'm being paranoid this is another symptom I have.

I feel so sad and as supportive as DH is can't open up to him completely because he'll think i'm mad. I hate feeling like this

[LynetteScavo]

Dragonfly - so many of us have been there.

Let me just start by trying reasuring you the will not take your DC's away. I know exactly how you feel.

[stressedsanta]

shes trying to help you my h.v was fab and got me a home start volanteer who was a god send .
they wouldnt take your kids away.
i think you need to start the ad's they dont cure you just help you cope better

[lyndsey25]

hiya dragonfly, just reading your post makes so much sence. my hv came out to see me and my little girl (8month) and she said i had pnd. after a very long conversation i can now admit that i have struggled for the last few month and infact im not crazy !!! i felt the same as you, really worried about talking to someone, it feels like your admitting your a failiure but your not. i am just about to start ad's and my hv is coming back to see me in a few weeks so hopefully things will get better. just be honest with how you feel