Depression returns or just a bad patch?

[frazzledgirl]

I've had mild to moderate depression on and off for years, thought I'd got rid of it for good after extensive counselling three years ago.

Baby blues (DS now 16 months) were pretty horrible and I think I actually did get depressed again when he was six months old, at a point when he was waking up at 5am or earlier every single day and I spent pretty much every morning not liking him much, feeling ashamed of that, then feeling like a rubbish mother and too tired/miserable to do anything much.

Everything's been fine for a long while, but now I'm starting to feel grim again. Just sad and tired and overwhelmed by my job (back FT), grubby flat, DIY that still needs doing... I'm short on sleep, which I know can feel like depression - DS has been ill/teething and I'm suffering from periodic insomnia which doesn't help.

But also just miserable despite lovely DS and wonderful involved DH. Baby P case was last straw, have been literally unable to get this out of my head and couldn't even look at DS for days without imagining horrific things and wincing, even though I made a conscious decision not to read the details.

Have also been picky at DH several times this weekend (normally we never row) and getting unduly down/bothered by stuff I would normally shrug off.

Don't want to think this is the depression back, but I know also that in the past I've been gripped by it for weeks before I notice.

What to do? I suppose I know the answer but just wanted to let it all out without worrying DH too much.

[educatingRia]

I think (having been depressed on and off since my teens), you've made the first step by asking yourself if you're suffering again. Will you go the GP for help/more counselling?

I am mostly on an even keel these days (as things are mostly shit and seem to be staying that way), but I suffered the same way you mention with the "news" (have 3 boys that have all/are now small blonde toddlers sis not help, and I have not read anything/watched TV news, you just can't help seeing headlines in shops) and once I get into that spiral it affects other things.

Can you talk to your DH? Does he realise and understand how you suffer? If you have just gone back to work I expect that could be a contributing factor.

Take care. x