I think I'm losing it.... anyone?

[lovecat]

I don't know what's wrong with me right now.

I can't stop crying. I had my appraisal in work last week and something mildly critical was said about one very small aspect of my work. To my absolute horror I found myself bursting into tears and ever since then I haven't been able to stop crying involuntarily. Deeply embarrassing and I think my manager now has me marked down as a complete fruitcake.

Can't get a GP appt til next week, what am I going to do? Every time I think about it I'm crying, I'm crying now while I'm typing this, what the hell is up with me? I'm normally a very cheerful person, what's happening to me?

I had PND when DD was tiny, she's now coming up for four, so I don't think it can still be that, can it? But it's a very similar feeling, a kind of 'God I'm so useless I can't do anything right, I'm a failure' feeling, absolutely paralysing, that I had back then - can it reoccur years later?

Work is stressful at the moment, I work for a bank and don't know if I'm going to even have a job this time next year, but I've been in this position before (have worked there through 2 downturns) and never let it get to me like this.

While I'm waiting to see the Dr (and I don't even know what they can do, for the PND I had some counselling that really helped, but iyswim that was down to hormones, I kind of felt there was a reason for it, this just seems to be me going mental. And it's scary.

Anyone out there been through anythign similar?

Thanks and sorry for going on...

[AnAngelWithin]

first things first. Ring the doctors back and tell them its an emergency. you need to do it now. I know everythings probably scary and upsetting for you at the moment but you need to see the doctor first and foremost!

[bigbaubleeyes]

I had PND when DS was small and I have had re-occuring milder bouts of depression. I had a panicky day last week and went straight to docs. So this is my advice hope it helps:

1. You've acknowledged and took correct action - and do ring the doc's again.
   
   
2. Read this to get things in perspective www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/27001305/sepective - this is what I use to keep me grounded and it's what UK GP's issue.
   
   
3. Do whatever you need to do to keep your mind occupied - I find going out of the house helps me and reading. ANYTHING - you must be selfish just do it!
   
   
4. Don't expect too much of yourself in terms of everyday stuff - health comes first!
   
   
5. Remember you got better last time and you will this time too. It's the invisible illness whether its depression or hormones.
   
   
6. Review your diet and make any modifications that might help - vitamin b6?
   
   Best wishes and big hugs for you

[lovecat]

Thanks so much for your replies

The surgery was engaged all afternoon whenever I tried ringing, so now it'll have to wait til next week.

That link is really good, bbe, and thanks for your other suggestions - my diet is a bit crap at the moment, everything seems like so much of an effort at the moment, including cooking - I can stir myself for DD but DH isn't eating at the minute (he's back on Lighterlife) and cooking for myself just seems like a faff. I do need to get back on top of that and eat some vegetables!

Thanks again

[bigbaubleeyes]

Good for you lovecat I'm really glad you found link useful it can be hard work working through all this stuff.

No need to cook just get some apples, bananas, and some nuts (I forget which ones) buy some tinned soup, have beans on toast - they are quite good for you!

Eat breakfast - just keep it all simple.

Stock up on frozen veg if you can its often cheaper and easier.

Little steps

Try to get your day light quota even if you just go window shopping and wander about.

Take care x

[fruitbeard]

Well, it got better and then it got worse again. Much worse (tis I, lovecat, btw, I namechanged at christmas).

So I saw the GP at the time, he thought it was hormonal and sent me for bloodtests. They came back negative, he then had my thyroid tested. Again negative. It's taken me this long to go back again after several weeks of crying almost every day and I saw a different GP. He listened for 5 mins, printed off a questionnaire, had me do it, added it up like it was a quiz out of Cosmo then told me I'm depressed (no shit sherlock!) - I scored 17 out of 27.

Anyway, I've got a prescription for Citalopram, 20mg dose for 4 weeks to be reviewed thereafter. In and out in 5 minutes... feels weird. I've never had AD's before.

Thanks to all of you who replied first time around (esp bigbaubleeyes), I have a feeling I'll be posting here again....