I dont actually know if I want support...I dont know what I want.

[FeelingRubbish]

I just feel so awful. I've struggled with depression for as long as I remember. I've tried all sorts of medication and they dont help. My last one just made me vomit all the time and I was almost manic, it was frightening.

I feel so low, like I cant cope. I am single mum to two children who I love dearly. They have everything they want and are well looked after. But im at breaking point.

I go to work every day and im stalked by some pervy old git who wont leave me alone. I come home to more work and looking after the kids. I never go out (I have few friends). I haven't been out for about 6 months and was really looking forward to this weekend when my friend let me down at the last minute. I dont know why it affected me so much but i've cried for 24 hours now.

She always makes some excuse, she's ill or has no money...but she has money to go out with her other friends. She is depressed too and has told me she just cant face it. I understand that, I felt the same yesterday but was up for forcing myself to go out because I knew if I did I would have a good time. I am boring, I know. Because I am miserable, and if I went out occasionally I would feel better and not be so boring.

So this is it..I have to drag myself to work when I dont want to get up in the morning and endure a day of being perved over, come home to fighting kids. No-one to talk to, no-where to go, nothing to look forward to. I dont want to feel like this, I want to feel normal.

My life is going nowhere. There is no way to even meet a man...fecks sake, I would love a proper family eventually, i've been on my own for ten years. It's just hopeless.

[thingamajig]

Im sorry to hear that you feel like this. How old are your children? Its crap to be let down by your friend like that, no wonder you're upset. Would it be possible to get a different job, meet some new people that way?

[FeelingRubbish]

Ive tried, but there's not much around at the moment and the jobs I have applied for ive been turned down. I dont feel well enough to work but cant afford not to.

[MascaraOHara]

I felt like you a while back. counselling really helped me.. have you been offered any counselling via your GP? I had to actually ask for it.

When I did they asked if I thought it would help my reply was "Well something's got to help me, I don't want to feel liek this forever and be back on A/Ds every6 months" they reluctantly agreed and it really helped me. I'm reluctant to say I'm back to my old self but I'm certainly better than I've been in the last few years.

You really need to talk to your GP before you stop forcing yourself to get out of bed iykwim.

[FeelingRubbish]

I had counselling a while back but its in work hours and at a different place every week, well out of town. It was costing me £10.00 a week, which I know is a small price to pay, but £10.00 I dont have.

[unhappy]

Hey there feelingrubbish how are you doing today - your post touched me - I feel alot like you although my situation is different from yours have a dp (sort of) kind of share him with another !!! Long boring story dont want to go there - I dont ever go out - my life is just work, kids, housework, shopping etc - for a while I was drinking too much too which really didnt help in lots of ways financial included - I dont know really what to suggest to you as I am looking for answers too keep thinking about anti depressants again and perhaps counselling but like I dont have the time nor money for that. Sorry this is probably not helping you much either - the only think I did found helped was to try and make a bit of time for me when kids in bed ie. nice bath pamper myself a little - meditation did make a big differnce to my life at one point - you can pick up a cheap cd - exercise too any chance you coudl make youurself walk for 30 mins a day - might make you feel better - sorry if none of this is helping and I do hope that you feel a bit better today

[AMAZINWOMAN]

Hi feelinrubbish.

It's really hard when every day is the same with nothing to look forward to. When going out without the kids is just a dream, or even taking the kids to cinema, meal etc would break the boredom a bit, but is just too expensive when you're on a small budget.

I imagine your kids are a bit older too, and they go to bed later, which means less chill out time for you. In some ways it was easier when they were younger, as you knew they were in bed at 7pm. You had the freedom in the evening to do what you wanted. Instead they just fight, and they never seem to sleep!!

As for the pervy old git, why can't it be someone like George Clooney?? There may be things you can do about it, make a list of what he says/does and ask people to see if it's harassment. If it's in work, there may be a human resource section. Try posting this problem on a different part of Mumsnet as there will be someone with better advice. Or someone who has dealt with something similar.

Its hard when you haven't been out for ages, as you think you don't know what to say and feel out of practice. Then you feel boring as other people seem to have more fun and exciting lives.

Its hard when you're stuck in a rut, the nights are drawing in, and you can't see things changing for a while.

Samaritans are just the cost of a phone call if you need them. Although I don't know if they do long term counselling.

Your friend sounds pretty selfish. She can tell you that she feels low, then lets you down on a night out.

I wish I had an answer for you.

Where are you based?

[FeelingRubbish]

Thanks for your messages. I wasn't actually going to come back to this thread as I posted it when I was feeling really low and I was embarrassed with myself!

Re the pervy old git AW...I wish I could sort it but ive tried and I wasn't taken seriously. It seems to be a standing joke at work that he fancies me (a few comments have been made by other staff) and yet he makes my skin crawl. I just have to put up with it .

Every comment, email, text and "accidental" touch I want to kick him in the balls, hard. At least if work was ok I could put up with my non existent life. Or if I found myself a supportive bloke I could put up with the perve.

Gggrrrrrrrrr.

This is a nightmare. Its all a bloody nightmare. I dont know what to do

[unhappy]

Sounds like its really getting you down - go and see your HR dept and tell them that you are serious and that something has to be done as its making your life miserable.

Good luck

[Starshiptrooper]

Maybe you should kick him in the balls! Would they all be laughing then? It sounds like he deserves it. I don't mean to advocate violence, but you shouldn't have to put up with this. Your employer wants to get their act together, you could sue them in this day and age for allowing you to be sexually harrassed in your work place. I don't have any advice other than I'm not surprised you're feeling low with all this going on. Don't feel embarrassed either. Since I've become a mother myself I think anyone who can bring up kids single handed deserves the highest praise, and you should treat/pamper yourself as often as you can because you definitely deserve it.

[3boyz]

I felt like that; 3 kids aged 6 and younger, full-time rubbish job, a so-called have-it-all woman. In my case that meant no time or money to care for myself or a relationship. It's worth presevering with your GP to get counselling - because you may not feel worth it now, but you will feel worth it later. I feel much brighter now, and so do the people around me, especially my boys.

[FeelingRubbish]

Thank you for messages. This is actually good in a way because I cant tell anyone else.

Today the idiot backed me into a corner leaning over my desk so he would be touching me and I can only move my seat so far. I did notice that he then went to speak to my colleague and stood nowhere near her (her desk set-up identical to mine).

I ended up crammed into the corner. He sent me another one of his creepy emails later, I responded in a jokey fashion asking if we could quit with the personal comments as I am the kind of person who hates compliments because they make me feel awkward. (No, they dont...unless you're a pervy old git).

I still want to kick him in the balls.

Feel slightly better about my friend, as we all seem to have come down with a strange throat thing, not that i'd wish it on anyone but maybe this time her bug was genuine.

Im still needing to go out and have one small break but feeling crap about myself. Not sure if i'd be very interesting when I dont have any confidence.

Thank you for listening to my ramble anyway It really does help.

[unhappy]

Hey there feelingrubbish - how you doing today? As I said in my post feel alot like you - not the work thing thank god - hope you have some fun some time soon x