JUST SPOKE TO FRIEND ON PHONE, THINK SHE NEEDS HELP- ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE

[soph28]

This is a girl I know from school but haven't kept in touch with her very much. I last had contact with her about 2 years ago when we were both pg with our 2nd dc.

She called me last week and left a voicemail and I texted back, got no reply. She called again today and left another message saying she would like to meet up so I called her this afternoon.

She has a 14wk old, an 18mo and a 4yo. It was a really weird phone call, she kept asking me the same questions and didn't sound with it at all. I asked if she was alright and she said, 'no, not really'.
She also said she neeeded someone to talk to and that she just gets 'down' sometimes.

I said I would try and go and see her tonight when dh gets home. What should I do/say etc. I really need some advice?

[HonorMatopoeia]

Firstly, just listen and assess the situation, is the problem with her coping with the children or something else entirely. If she is having difficulty coping find out if it is because she doesn't have a good support network or deeper reasons. She's got back in touch so I'd think she is in need of the friend you are/ were. Don't feel you have to be any different, she'll be looking forward to seeing you! Relive the past and remind her of the good times. Laugh too, it's a good tonic.
(REally hope that made sense, have a baby on my lap as I type!)

[mellyonion]

hi. i would just go and see what happens.....
if shes acknowledged that shes not allright, then hopefully things will come tumbling out and you'll have to make senseof them bit by bit.

don't be afraid to clarfy if you don't understand things...sumarise what you understand and ask her if you're on he right lines iykwim? sometimes people who are severely depressed can get confused or obsessive about little details.

allowing her to talk is a great gift to give her.....sometimes being abole to talk about a problem is enough to lighten the load.

if needs be, tell her you'll visit again and offer to make a phonecall to her gp or hv on her behalf....she may need some extra support, or it may be that shes just had some awful news or something....

i guess you won't really know what is going on until you get there....

hope your friend is ok.....

[mellyonion]

oh, and the other thing is, if you said you'd go, then you must go....she may wll be sitting counting the minutes until you arrive..... i really hope all is ok. x

[soph28]

I don't think she's had bad news. She said everything was fine. She hasn't got much family around and I think she's lonely. I never knew her really well- our brother's were friends, we've only met up a few times in the past. However, I know she's had an alcohol problem in the past as well and I'm a bit worried about that.

[mellyonion]

poor lady...i think that by going round to see her, you'll obviously know then what the problem is...maybe a fiendly face is all she wants, and a little bit of time and attention.....

be sure not to commit yourself to anything that youy can't deliver though....its better to tell her honestly that maybe you'd love to see her once a week, but don't promise to pop round daily because you feel bad iykwim?

maybe tell her bout places you go where she can make somenew other mum friends...

off to work now. let us know how it goes.

[mellyonion]

oops, meant to say FRIENDLY face, not fiendly...that won't help one bit!!!

[CountessDracula]

Point her in teh direction of mumsnet
she is prob feeling very isolated

[soph28]

lol at fiendly face!! No I don't think that would help

I think she is feeling very isolated. I have 2 under 3 and am about to have my 3rd so I know how difficult it is and how isolated you can feel. It is hard to get out and with no family around she must be exhausted.

Plus the AWFUL weather we've been having doesn't help cos you really are stuck in the house all the time!

[soph28]

bump

[gloriana]

I would add to the good advice above and ask her about some of the physical symptoms of depression: has she had trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, she feels worse in the mornings? Also things like: is she able to feel happy or look forward to things? Can she concentrate on a task?

Not suggesting that you ask her all of these as it might be an inquisition ! But if she is suffering from depression, you should encourage her to see her GP as she doesn't need to suffer.

Hope she is OK.