how to deal with depressed dh when you are depressed yourself?

[newmummy27]

i feel like we are going around in circles.. son is 12 weeks old. my dh hasnt been diagnosed but is very weepy and sentimental and has no confidence. neither do i. i am looking after my son very well, but feel like i am missing out on this wonderful time because of the way we both feel. i have pnd. partner has a stressful job and his boss is always on his back. he came out of the shower this morning and had tears in his eyes before work. i keep thinking i am unsure if i love him anymore, it isnt very attractive to see him like this. thats awful for me to say that isnt it.

[platesmasher]

does he think he's depressed? have you talked about it? is it since you had the baby or before that?

[newmummy27]

yes i do think he is depressed. i might ask him to write down a list of how he feels. i think it was before baby too, but because i have depression he says it is only as a reaction to me (which puts pressure on me)and how he can snap out of it if i am happy

[platesmasher]

it is really hard. before DH and I had kids we had suffered from depression on occasion, then DS1 was born and he was very ill, that and the change of lifestyle and burden of responsibility made us both quite depressed. It's hard then to know whether your depression is making him depressed or whether you feel worse because his depression means he can't be as supportive as you need. I don't know what the answer is really. For us, communication was important and when DH went to the doctor and got a diagnosis and anti-depressants, life just got a whole lot better from there. We;re great now, so there is light at the end of the tunnel. And you're right, depression is not very attractive, and puts such a strain on your emotional and physical relationship. We found our GP to be very helpful, could you go to see the GP together?

[Jazzicatz]

I had this with my dp - we have talked about it alot since and he has said that he found it very difficult adjusting to having a child and all that is associated with it - and also blamed me for being moody and depressed. It is still contentious between us - but we have both accepted that a new baby on the one hand is the most fantastic thing to happen, but also takes times to adjust to the emotional and physical effects that happen.