Feeling very low at the moment

[fedupandisolated]

I am prone to depression and had dreadful PND when DS was born (he's nearly 5 now).

Recently it's got worse again. I feel low and isolated. My DH works away alot of the time and I am 200 miles away from my family who could offer so much support. However, DH will not hear of us moving back to where they are (Essex) and has more or less said that he will not go with me if I do make the move back.

My DS has just started school here and is in a lovely school where he is settled and happy so uprooting him would feel like a really wrong thing to do.

However, when DH is away I have no childcare or support and the only things I seem to do are work and care for DS. I DO have one friend locally (apart from work colleagues who I get on really well with) but she has her own children and her own life and often is not around in the evenings because of those responsibilities. I honestly feel quite isolated (and maybe that's my problem and nobody elses).
At the moment it is now the weekend again and I am just struggling to think of what I can do today - am honestly feeling like crying and tbh I just want to see my Mum or my sister but cannot get there as money is tight and the petrol costs are beyond me until next week. I am seeing my friend tomorrow for luch and then we are taking the children to a Christmas thing.

Have said to DS that today we will wrap up warm and go for a long walk plus do some shopping - just to kill time. At the moment there is also underlying anxiety (which I also suffer with from time to time)and I am beginning to obsess about my health and what might be wrong with me (it's stress but I am irrational when anxiety takes hold).

I have some Prozac left in the cupboard (managed to get off them in March this year) - they are in date and I am thinking about starting them again and seeing my GP next week. Feel a failure as it took me several years to get off all these drugs but I just cannot continue feeling like this.

I am losing it with DS when he plays up - am doing all the normal things like sitting him on the stairs when he misbehaves, however if he resists and plays me up I am finding myself shouting and - unforgivably - swearing at him. I know this is wrong so please don't flame me about it. Another reason I need to start the ADs again as I feel so guilty about the effect my depression might be having on DS.

DH is back on Xmas Eve - my Mum and Dad arrive on the 22nd - there is so much to look forward to but I just feel under pressure and stressed.

We are currently frozen as the central heating is broken - my landlord is supposed to be sorting this out but so far it has not been fixed which is an added pressure I just don't need at the moment.

Thanks for reading - just need to get it all off my chest.

[137wallis]

first off well done for getting off the ad's, and you sound like a great mum, the fact that your conserned about the effect your deppresion is having on your child shows that I know its really hard but is there a indoor play area near you? I often take my boys when i'm feeling low as they get to burn off energy and I get some peace! plus theres usually other like minded mummys there that I can say hello to, cause I sometimes think i've forgotton how to speak grown up! or a local park, we have made some weekend friends in this way as my dh works 7 days so isn't around. Don't feel bad about not looking forward to the good things, thats all a part of depression, just try and get through each day, then you wont have the guilt of not looking forward iyswim Don't know what to say about pills but i'm sure someone better will bealong in a mo, i'd see your gp asap,

[critterjitter]

Fedupandisolated
First of all, I wouldn't let changing your child's school deter you from moving. I know quite a few people who have done this, with no resultant problems. Kids adapt quickly.

I would also think that your son would be happier if you were happier (from having your family around you giving you support). So, looking at the bigger picture, although he might have to move house and school, he will gain from having a larger family support circle around him and you.

If my little one plays up, I tend to do 'the countdown' (slowly) - "1, 2, 3." It always works for some reason. She definitely thinks something will happen after 3! (I've never worked out what it should be!). And sometimes you do just have to ignore their behaviour and let them get on with it if the alternative is that they are going to tip you over the edge. Tell them to go to their room, make a drink and just go and stand outside your back door for 10 minutes. They'll often have completely forgotten what they were upset about before.

[mylittleponey]

sending you hugs xxx

[Bridie3]

I think your idea about just both wrapping up warm and going for a LONG walk is a great one! The exercise will give you some endorphins, which help with depression (I know this from personal experience). The fresh air will calm down your little boy and help him sleep.

Does he like swimming? Do you? Would being in a pool help? Water can be therapeutic.

[vixma]

I have been feeling low too due to stress...I am trying to promise myself somthing nice (a weekend away or something) to raise my mood if I can. Is not working at the mo however xmas should be good although work is a nightmare at the mo and I have a really hard assignment to hand in after xmas that is crippling the mood. Chin up girl and we and others can get through it and it is nice to talk to mumsnetters who can relate. Its nice to know ur not alone and hear how others deal with things.

[fedupandisolated]

Thank you all for your good wishes and support. We did indeed wrap up warm and head out yesterday. We live near a hillfort and went up there for a good tramp through the paths, little hills, mud and puddles - it was great - saw lots of dogs and dog walkers too which made me think having a dog would be nice. Not sure my cat would agree though

Have started the ADs and will see my GP for a further supply next week. At the end of the day if they help then it's no big deal - I got off them once and I can do it again.

Am off to my friend's house today for lunch and then off to a christmas thing which sounds lovely.

[bigwombat]

I can really understand where you're coming from. I moved to a new area about 18 months ago, knowing very few people, both children started new schools. Dp is away a fair amount with work and I don't have any local family. So like you there isn't much support network. I find it tough and unlike you our central heating is working and we don't have too many money worries. You have a load on your plate.

I always feel better when I make lists (sounds a bit anal I know) and prioritise things, it makes me feel a bit more in control. Also if you are losing your rag with ds, maybe just go off into another room for a while to cool down if that's possible? I find that works better with dd than a confrontational approach.