Counsellor finished my session 20 mins early - is that normal?

[sophierosie]

I have been having counselling for the last 6 weeks as have some issues around dealing with emotions and also family history. I've found it quite useful so far, but today was quite weird - we were talking about the challenges of the last week and how I'd dealt with them etc and sometimes she just won't say anything at all - I know its a technique that's supposed to get you to talk - ie if one person stays quiet, then the other will have to talk as they can't bear to say nothing - but today she didn't say anything for about 5 mins - and then asked me what I was thinking about - I just said that I was thinking about how nice and quiet it was (after the week I've had 5 mins peace is more than welcome).

We chatted for few more minutes and then she asked if I wanted to finish for the day as she didn't think I was up to it today. I've had a stinking cold for the last fortnight and am really on my knees, but is that right for that to happen?

I'm not sure if I really gel with the counsellor so am thinking about not going back - I'm getting it for free as can't afford to pay private fees and shop around for someone I like.

[DanaScully]

No not normal. The sessions aren't "free".. even if you aren't paying, someone is, probably the NHS! You should have said to her "I'm fine actually..".

What did you say?

[sophierosie]

To be honest after she said that I didn't really feel that I could open up to her so just agreed and spent 20 mins having some time by myself. Its kind of put me off wanting to see her again. The sessions have been useful so far in that I understand why I've been behaving in a certain way etc.

[lucyellensmum]

Im not sure about the not speaking bit, my counsellor, poor cow, just sits there while i talk and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk. And i talk complete bollocks for a whole hour - i often think to myself, if i were paying for this, i might make better use of the time. Not sure that is relevant to your post though.

My counsellor is very good at seeing straight through all the bullshit i spout for the hour though, stuff i think isnt relevant and i leave thinking, fuck me, she's right. Not helped though.

I had a fear of the whole, silence thing, expecting me to talk and to be honest, i think it is bad practice. Could you go to your doctor and ask to be reffered to someone else? It is ok not to gel, as you put it, its a very personal thing so it is going to be a fine line, i think, as to whether you feel you can open up to someone or not.

How many sessions are you having?

To be fair, if she could see you feel like shit maybe she thought it better not to continue, but i would have thought she should offer an extra session tagged on the end of your course.

[sophierosie]

I'm having 12 sessions to start with - I tried the GP at first and all they could do was give me a list of numbers to call - this was one of them that offers free counselling...

[Lauriefairycake]

God, it's really hard not to say anything about this cos I don't want to criticise her just want to help you.

I would not have done this ever. I would have sat with you for that 20 minutes if you wanted it to be silent (you said you liked it nice and quiet) and I would have been there companionably without you having to say anything if you didn't want to.

The point being that i would have been with you (emotionally) where you wanted to be.

The only explanations I can think of are:

1. she's still training and not comfortable with silence yet
2. she knows you well enough and cares about you enough to interpret or feel that you were done for the day and she was giving you a way out. She interpreted this wrongly by the way as you wouldn't be feeling uncomfortable with it now if she had got it right.

I've no idea if the above helps but sending you good thoughts

[sophierosie]

Thank you for your thoughts - she did say that we could have sat there for the rest of the session in silence, but I would have found that a bit difficult tbh.

I'm not sure if she is still in training - I'm having the counselling through a local mental health charity so don't know her background.

[Earlybird]

Not normal.

I think you need to talk to her about why she ended the session early, and tell her how it made you feel. It could be that some of the 'stuff' you have about being honest/connecting to others/feeling important and/or valued, etc will come up, and that it would be valuable to open that 'can of worms'.

IMO, your time with her is your time. If a session ends early, it should be because you suggested it.