I've just found out I failed my medical and am falling apart

[SweetTrickorTreatFA]

I can't believe it. I am so bloody angry, the questions are listed in the letter, and apart from the fact the interview lasted about 10 minutes and I was not asked most of them, the ones that I was asked are filled in wrong.

So I scored 6, you need 10 in order to be deoressed...this is despite having scored 24 on the HV's post natal depression scoresheet a few weeks ago, having been off work woth depression for years and for the last few weeks wanting to give up and walk out, leaving my beautiful boys to someone who can cope


I'm so sorry to put this on MN, but I tried the samaritans, I was in floods of tears and the bloke just tells me to 'stay happy' and then laughed at my son's name. WTF?

I don't know what to do and I don't know how much more bloody depressed they want me to be, before someone believes me. I feel like she took one look at me smiling and trying to look smart (rather than not even getting washed or brushing my hair which is the usual situation) and decided I was a fraud - she has literally made up the answers.

I wish I could die without hurting anyone.

[lissiethevampireslayer]

oh shit, can you ring them up and ask for another assessment

[CarGirl]

what was the medical for? Ask for a 2nd opinion I think they have to give you one. Find out who is that persons senior and get someone help you a letter that pulls apart the letter you have just received perhaps your HV would help you?

Sorry it sounds a bad situation

[SweetTrickorTreatFA]

It says something about having to appeal in writing. I don't think I am capable of fighting this at the moment, I can hardly stop crying, there's no one there of course on a saturday but even if I ring them they will think I am a total freak for wailing down the phone.

I hope that if I can get to the GP on Monday, they will see tht I am still depressed (actually I feel worse than I have since I was about 18) and maybe be able to back me up? I just feel like if the Dr t the interview didn't believe me, who else is going to? I feel like saying, 'come and SEE our home, see my child playing up and hitting me because he is trying to make me respond, see how we have no food in the house or anything to eat off because there is a sick baby and a four year old and nobody to help.

I'm sorry gals, you don't want to hear all this.But i just have to write it somewhere or I will break down again and my boy is in the room.

[SweetTrickorTreatFA]

Cargirl, it's for incapacity benefit - rather, income support. It says I'm not entitled any more because I'm too happy...apparently.

[ELF1981]

where are you?

[SweetTrickorTreatFA]

Worse I am afraid tht if I make too much fuss, they will say I'm not a fit mother - perhaps they are right - but I am scared that my ex will then get his hands on the baby or something awful like that.

What am I going to do?

[SweetTrickorTreatFA]

Elf, I'm in deepest Kent

[lissiethevampireslayer]

you need to see your hv and your gp and get them to write referrals. so what if you cry down the phone at them? THEY made you cry.
god it makes me so angry!

[SweetTrickorTreatFA]

Thanks Lissie - my Gp has been trying to make me take AD's which I've resisted so far, I'm scared of them and also breastfeeding. I don't want her to turn round and say 'you have no choice'.

[ELF1981]

i wish I were nearer so I could help you

[charliecat]

If its for income support with 2 littles you should get it anyway WITHOUT having depression?
I know my friend did with 2 kids, of school age.
You sound in a bad place

[charliecat]

Wheres deepest Kent, in in T.wells. can i be of assistance at all?

[lissiethevampireslayer]

there are lots of ads that you can take and still bf. theres no shame in needing help, your hormones have taken a battering and you are prone to depressive episodes anyway. they WILL NOT take your children (unless they think that they are at risk, which it doesnt sound like they are) you need to fight this decision for their sake as much as yours

[ConnorTraceptive]

I know how much you want to resist AD's I did for over a year (the thought of them terrified me too) and when I finally "gave in" and took them they made the world of difference.

I'm not saying AD's are the only way but they might just might make things a little better for you and your children. I believe there are ones you can take whilst breastfeeding.

[SweetTrickorTreatFA]

Thankyou, all of you - I think it's just that I feel so small in the face of huge, faceless bureaucracy (if that makes sense)

They seem to ask people to fight, to prove they are not coping, when those people literally cannot fight.

It's like saying to someone who is lying in bed and unable to get up, 'come on, show us what's wrong with you or we'll just assume you're fine'

I told her I wasn't sleeping, even when the baby sleeps - the 'sleeping affecting your life/mood/ability to cope' question was marked 'no'. I don't understand. It's like they have mixed it up with someone else's.

I am going to go and help ds with his wendy house - he needs me to be Ok - I'll be back later. Thanks for listening, there's nothing anyone can do really, I just have to summon some strength and fight it.

[CarGirl]

Getting benefits for mental health issues is very hard because they have been so many cases of fraud in the past. I think you need your GP and HV on board. Have you asked to be referred for an assessment by your mental health unit to see what treatment they feel would benefit you, if you are under their care it would probably help you successfully claim for income support.

My sympathies you are very stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[Elizabetth]

I"ve heard that they make this process very hard and that's it's almost inevitable that people have to appeal.

Have you tried the Citizens Advice Bureau, or maybe mental health or childbirth charities who might be able to give some support and practical advice?

Sorry about your experience with the Samaritans. I guess even they aren't immune to getting idiots like that bloke to answer the phone.

[SweetTrickorTreatFA]

Back again...I can't seem to relax becuase i know I'll have to deal with this on Monday - why do they send this stuff out on a weekend? It's plain cruel imo.

Thankyou so much for your suggestions. I will get onto the health visitor (it's a new one, who doesn't even know me, but hey) and make an appt to see GP as well, if possible.

Plan is to get them to write down how bad things are, (this is so counter intuitive, having to explain to people how cr*p your life is! It's embarrassing) and then ask the benefits people if they will change the decision based on those opinions - which I know will be sympathetic, even if they do try and push the pills again...which I have even been considering taking, it's been that bad.

I think on reading it again, there is a small chance they will be able to re-look at it in case they 'missed something' ?? Like, a lot of things! and if that doesn't work I can go to appeal.

My friend had this a few years back and had to sit in front of a room full of doctors (how many specialise in mental health, no one knows) and explain their case. My God, I didn't think I'd ever have to do that.

This is the plan so far - and to try to survive the weekend with an already probably depressed four year old and a (now on the mend) baby...one more day...

Thanks again for all the support. I feel a bit calmer now i have told someone

It's just the thing about not being believed or taken for a fraud that really, really upsets me. It isn't like I don't already feel really guilty for not working.

[black31cat]

Having helped people to deal with claims such as this I can tell you that the vast majority of claims fail first time and that virtually everyone has to appeal. I think, as somebody else said, that the system is designed to make it very difficult for people to claim.
Have you considered going to your Citizen's Advice Bureau?

[SweetTrickorTreatFA]

Thankyou Blackcat - that's really interesting. I have had about 5 of these over the years, back when I was obviously very anorexic, before the children, it was usually not a problem - I looked as ill as I was. I then had one very bad interview with a bit of a nutter, who made no sense in his answers and was abusive toward me in the interview, I appealed that and won because it just made no sense at all, what he wrote.
Then I had another, with a junior Dr who was very respectful and asked me all the questions. I said what I knew to be the 'right' answers as though it felt really awful and embarrassing, I knew I had to show them I really was depressed and that meant brutal honesty.
This time I just went in there knowing I had been feeling dreadful for weeks, had no sleep, not eating properly and feeling like throwing myself under a bus, and assumed that I would put that across without any conscious effort - how wrong I was.
So I've known it go wrong and also seen it go right. But I didn't realise most people 'fail' the first one, that does make me feel a bit better.
Talk about kicking you when you are down.

I have been crying so much today, my head hurts - I've rung the samaritans twice, the second guy was great, very sympathetic, I felt better after that.

He also suggested the CAB. I don't know what they are like generally but the one here has a permanent answerphone, you get told to ring back between about 2 hours on the third thursday and some mondays but only when there is a full moon. You do that and are in a queue for about an hour to make an appointment, then find you have to be at school or the Dr and can't get through to change it...so I don't think they will be much help, sadly. Saying that I am sure they are great when you actually get through to them!
I spoke to Mum as well, who was kind and does believe me as she sees how things are here...If I can get through tomorrow and get the appeal started I will feel more in control.

Thankyou so much for reading this. It means a lot to have somewhere people know me and don't think I'm a chancer.

[SweetTrickorTreatFA]

Sorry if any of that sounded odd - any criticism / kicking when down thing solely aimed at the system, not you!! I am not very coherent tonight

[choosyfloosy]

SweetTTFA, I wish there was something I could say to help you feel better... this is just to let you know I read your post too, I guess.

My father in law has just retired from sitting on a benefits tribunal, he used to be a GP. He is a brilliant intuitive doctor IMO, and his son, my husband, has a long-term mental illness (so does his daughter). It is a nightmare that you have to appeal but if you appear before somebody like him he will know much more intimately than you would think just how bad things can be.

I have just had a mild brainwave. You need an advocate. The constant theme of your posts is how much you hate to be laid out in front of people and dissected by them, and yet they do not believe you because you put up such a good front. Well, an advocate could be somebody who would come to things like the tribunal with you and would make sure that the truth about your life is spoken about, in a respectful way and with your consent. They also might be able to help you get the records corrected about your answers to the questions.

Advocacy services are a bit thin on the ground but it's worth trying. I would contact Rethink who in my local area are very good - they help me immensely when my husband is really ill, which he often is, or Google 'mental health advocate Kent' and see what comes up.

Very best wishes. I would say, try the ADs, they are well worth a go, but I would say that wouldn't I. I've been on them in the past and they aren't perfect but neither is paracetamol and I wouldn't be without that either. HTH.

[SweetTrickorTreatFA]

Hi, thankyou Choosy...some very useful ideas and insight in that post which I will act upon. It seems there is a Rethink here, the parents of a girl I was at school with who developed schizophrenia look to be the ones who run it.
I found a huge list of organisations who might help when I searched google for advocacy...it's brilliant, what a great place mumsnet is...I feel so much better knowing people are out there who understand.
Thankyou [big-bunch-of-flowers smiley]!

I wish there were more doctors like your dear Dad involved in mental health services