I've done it - I've been to the doctor !

[LeafTurner]

And I'm now on Prozac ! And I have a list of counsellors to call - And I have to have some blood tests in case it is a medical thing !

Not sure how I'm feeling - Had quite a good weekend but then went to work this morning and was told that a close colleague had dies yesterday - only in his 40s and leaves a 6 mth old baby - so spent a lot of the day being very very sad about that.

Doctor says I must tell dh - she thinks if he knows I am actually "ill" that he will be more sympathetic ! I doubt it - I really do !

dd is away tonight at granny's for only the second time ever and he wants to go out for dinner - then he will be expecting sex ! I don't want to - I know I won't want to later either - I am too angry with him ! I don't even want to start the converstauon though - coz once I've started I don't know where I will stop - I really don't !

[dazzlincaz]

You have taken a brave first step, LeafTurner. Good on you - it takes courage, doesn't it?

[LeafTurner]

I don't feel brave - I feel pathetic that I can't cope ! I had to wait an hour to see the docs and was so close to walking out. She was lovely though - like she really understood !

Really don't want to tell dh - he doesn't really "believe " in depression I'm afraid - he sees it as weakness and will think I should pull myself together !

[lulumama]

very well done to you

i will always remember, being sat with the doctor, sobbing, snot flying out of my nose, mascara running down my face... wailing, 'why can everyone else cope except me?', he passed me the tissues and said , 'who says everyone else can cope?'

very true

if you have been hiding the fact you are depressed, do you not think other people have been hiding it too?

you are not alone, and hopefully, with the tablets and the counselling, you will make a fresh start

x

[LeafTurner]

True lulumama - maybe all the happy people I know are also on prozac !!

I don't know - I want to feel better I really do - I do NOTHING at the moment except work all day and then all the housework/cooking etc in the evening. I have NO LIFE and NO ENERGY to make my life better !

I really hope these things work !

I want to be a better mummy, less shouty, more understanding and help my dd cope as she is a very sensitive/explosove child - I need to put time into helping her and I just don't have the energy !

[dazzlincaz]

Your dh may be shocked to discover that not only do you feel low, but that you have gone to your GP (which was not an easy thing to do) - and your GP has diagnosed your depression. He wouldn't have prescribed Prozac if you didn't really really need them. Dh may not like it, but he needs to know it. Is the anticipated lack of sympathy part of the problem? And you mention in your opening post that you are angry with dh?

[muppetgirl]

Hi leafturner

I post a lot on depression threads as having been through it myself I know how awful it can be.

Right, well done for going to the drs it's the 1st step
Your collegue died and you were sad -what helped me was when my psychologist got me to think whether my feelings were part of the depression or a normal reaction to the situation. Your collegue died and left a 6mth. This is very upsetting and you are quite 'normal' in feeling upset. I do realise this is something very hard to do when your mind is a little cloudy.

Your husband - Can you ask for some literature that he can read? I was very lucky that my dh is supportive but my mil and father think I should just pulll myself together what they seem to miss is that -do they not think I would if I could?
This everning -can you use this time as a bit of a 'deep and meanigful?' To discuss how you feel etc?

Also prozac does not suit everyone (it didn't me) so if your symptoms don;t improve around 2/3/4 weeks then you may need a differnt antidepressant. No one told me this and I really thought I was going mad. Thought saying that I have heard of some success stories from prozac.

I hope things start to ook up for you

[LeafTurner]

Yes I am very very angry with him - he is totally wrapped up in himself and regularly lets me down when he has promised to pick dd up from school for me. I work full time too and I need him to do his share - but he will not prioritise her over work. He is also extremely sergeant majorly with her and makes her behaviour much worse. He will not accept that she needs gentle handling - he knows best and thinks his Dad's style of parenting is something to be aspired to - it's not !

So we do have issues - and he isn't a talker !

I have just said that I feel too sad to go out to dinner as my friend died and he has just huffed and walked out of the room. It's all about him !

[LeafTurner]

Thanks muppetgirl - I had citalopram about 3 yrs ago - but it wasn't doing anything for me - so I just stopped taking it and tried to COPE instead ! That's why she's put me straight on Prozac I think. I hope it doesn't make me feel ill - I am so busy at work I can't be ill.

[dazzlincaz]

Hope you manage to have some sort of useful conversation with your dh tonight, LeafTurner.

Tricky that he sees dd's parenting needs so differently from you understand how that makes day to day living so difficult. And the work/family priorities are a bit screwed the way he does it - I'd be mad if he didn't turn up to collect her from school, too.

[LeafTurner]

Oh no - he would never leave her unpicked up - sorry didn't mean to give that impression - he just tells me that he is no longer able to collect her after I have confirmed my plans ! We are talking work meetings here - not jollys !

Not sure I can face telling him - I just can't be arsed !

[LeafTurner]

I'm not going to tell him tonight - I don't feel like talking - I am such a wooss I know - but I just feel so sad about my collegaue - I can't summon the energy to have that convo

[LeafTurner]

Oh dear - have even bored you all now ! Will probably go to bed early then

[mumofdini]

Thankyou for posting this, I've got a docs appt on Thursday and am terrified.This made me think maybe it will be ok...Hope you start to feel better soon

[dazzlincaz]

LeafTurner - Sorry to not get back to this thread yesterday, hectic day.
How are things with you today? Did you manage to speak to dh?
Thinking of you. Depression is horrible. You are wise and brave to seek help for it.

[LeafTurner]

Hi there,

Sorry - haven't been on for a day or two as having an emergency at work!

Well - have now taken 4 tablets - am feeling very slightly nauseous - but my period also started today - so may be more that than Prozac ! Have got a headache - but again often do with period ! Am going to ahve to go and get blood taken at the hospital tomorrow - to check that I am not menopausal !

To be honest have been so busy at work with the emergency that havne't really had time to think - but I did catch myself lkaughing at someting on TV last night !

Still haven't told dh - he hasn't been here much - and I am really not keen on doing it ! DD heard me phoning docs about blood test though so she will blab that to him later !

Thanks for asking !

[dazzlincaz]

Hang on in there LeafTurner! It is good that you can be absorbed in work and find it helps to take your mind occupied for a while. Keep looking for that opportunity to mention your discussion with the GP to your dh (- you can honestly say to him that the GP stressed to you that dh should be aware of your diagnosis and treatment). Re: his likely reaction, well, you know him best, and men really do see things differently from us (ever read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? LOL) Ime the sympathy might not be immediate as he would have to Process the Information First

It'll also be helpful to have the blood tests sorted to know if that is part of the problem. Well done, it sounds like you are making considerable headway in tackling these things - it would be easy to bury your head in the sand but that isn't the answer.

Will keep this thread on watch so come back to it with updates when you can, ok?

Take Care. Dc