I just don't like myself

[jabm]

I hate being me.
I HATE suffering from emetophobia and anxiety and all my other rubbish.
I hate everything about myself, and can't understand how i could ever like myself.

[mumblechum]

Ok, young lady, you need to pick up the phone, get an appt with your GP and get referred to some counselling.

go on, do it now.

[mslucy]

yes go to the doctor and get counselling and or anti-depressants.

Also, is this is a recent phenomenon - ie have you just given birth and could it be pnd?

Do you have a partner and is he aware of the depth of your feelings?

[jabm]

Thanks for replying. Am already having counselling for the anxiety - have an appointment next Tuesday.

I did confide in my DH but never again because on Tuesday night he got drunk at a dinnerparty with my work colleagues and was all set to tell them all about my food anxiety issues if I hadn't stopped him.

It was embarrassing and I feel betrayed.

Not a recent phenomenon unfortunately.

[mumblechum]

So do you mean you're starting on Thurs, or already in therapy?

[jabm]

Already in therapy.

[doughnuts]

jabm - emetophobia - is that being afraid of being sick ?

[mslucy]

do you find the therapist helpful?

some therapists can be better than others.

I hope you feel better soon.

[themaskedposter]

at your DH!
poor you

hope you feel better soon
x

[jabm]

My therapist is a really, really top bloke, but English is not his first language so sometimes I find it hard to get my point across. But to be honest, I tend to hide my worst feelings from him, becasuse I am ashamed.

Emetophobia is the fear of being sick, yes. I've had it almost all my life. We are going on holiday next weekend and I am terrified of a) The drive and b) the food.
I will be a nervous wreck all holiday in case someone gets food poisoning.

Stupid and irrational but overwelming

[mslucy]

have you thought of going to see a female therapist.

I really think it's easier to talk to someone your own sex - eg mumsnet.

Also food issues are a very female thing and I think a woman would be more understanding.

Just a thought - your therapist may be perfect.

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

(((hugs jabm)))

You are in good company, there are lots of emetophobes on here.. and lots of people with depression and anxiety issues.

You are not alone.

And you do really need to be seeing a therapist with whom there isn't any kind of language barrier at all.

[jabm]

I don't have much choice of therapist as I live abroad and so was lucky to find one who speaks English so well and specialises in anxiety disorders.

I don't find it easy to admit face to face how bad I feel. I can type it, but never admit it to another human being who can see me.

[saffymum]

hi, thank you I now know what emetophobia is, looked it up on internet. You poor thing. Give your DH a kick up the ars for his behaviour, how insensitive. You really should give him more infor on it so he doesn't treat it like a food phobia.

Take it easy and try and enjoy your holiday as much as you can. Can you drive on the holiday, less drivers feel nauseous than passengers? I would long term try and find someone easier to talk to than current. Good luck.

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[Countingthegreyhairs]

Hi Jabm. I'm a fellow sufferer and often go through patches where I feel the same way as you do. I hate who I am most of the time and wish that this wretched phobia wouldn't hold me back. I can't believe I've reached the age I am and still have these fears.

I can really sympathise about anxiety over holidays - it's always a trigger point for me - and my dh finds it difficult to understand too, even though he's very supportive. Just wanted to post and say that you are definitely not alone. I've sometimes fallen in to the trap of not going away because of all the stress and anxiety. But it's definitely worth it and makes it easier for next time too.

I also live abroad and see someone for panic attacks/anxiety (and English isn't his mother tongue either!). For what it's worth, in my view it may take a little longer for the therapy to work but if you have a good rapport with him then I wouldn't let that stop you seeing him. If he's experienced, he will probably already know that you are hiding your worst fears from him. The longer you go, the easier you will find it to express yourself. My therapist has really helped me. I was very impatient with myself but he taught me to slow down - accept that I have this problem - put strategies in place to give myself the best support possible and take it one step at a time. It's a cliché but true.

I also feel desperately ashamed about it but I try and tell myself (doesn't always work) that different people have different fears and different problems and to an extent we are all putting on an 'act' to the outside world. Good luck. It's a tough one to beat - you may always have a sensitivity - but try not to be so hard on yourself.