pregnant again after finishing ADs but sitting here in tears - anyone around ever felt similar

[manamana]

Am obviously pleased as we were ttc and i really want my ds to have a brother/sister. And I really don't want to offend anyone who has been ttc with no success but this is first time I've had time to think on my own since got my bfp and just can't stop crying - can't figure out if its thought ofbirth (last time was pretty stressful although not horrific by any standards, hour long car journey while in transition period followed by hour and a half of pushing then episiotomy), idea of having a newborn (didn't cope at all), or potential of further fanjo damage (had to have perineum rebuilt after midwife had bodged repair. Have got number to call of someone at the hospital to go and and talk through what happened but just think i'm going to cry atr him on the phone. Have made an appt with gp but not for another 2 weeks and don't really see what he'll be able to do.

[doggiesayswoof]

manamana, didn't want your thread to go unanswered. I remember the emotional state I was in when I got my first bfp - and it was very very planned - I couldn't understand why I was so upset. It's such a huge thing. Call the guy at the hospital - think it will be really positive to talk through your previous birth experience. He won't care if you cry on the phone - will have heard it all before. give yourself some time to adjust and look after yourself.

[SoupDragon]

I felt like that when I found out I was pregnant with DD (planned 3rd baby but took longer than expected to conceive so was a shock IYSWIM). Anyway, it was fine and she's gorgeous and none of my deliveries have been as bad as the first

[manamana]

Thank you both. Pulled myself together to go and get ds from nursery but now he is in bed and i am in tears again. Think will call my cousin and tell her, she had tricky delivery and will prob understand.

[SoupDragon]

Just to show all births are different and second ones are usually better than first ones...
DS1: 23 hours of labour from very start to end. I@ve no idea how long I was pushing for but I was fully dilated at around midnight and he was born at 3am, ventouse,episiotomy, 3rd degree tear, 2 hours of repair in theatre...
DS2: 18 hours from very beginning to end. 10 minutes of pushing, episiotomy to protect the tear site, fab.
DD: 9.5 hrs from very begining to end...lovely home water birth

I had hypnotherapy about 2 months before DS2 was due and it helped a lot. I had no positive memories of DS1's birth.

[manamana]

soupdragon, thank you. you've made me feel much better. was scaring myself earlier that i was going to drop into a real pit of depression again but i suppose its fairly normal for lots of people to feel like this after the variety of horrific births that people experience, sounds like you had a pretty grim time! Still crying, not helped by teething ds refusing to go to sleep so haven't had chance to call anyone but feeling a bit less hopeless. Going to get an early night and hope things look brighter in the morning.

[SoupDragon]

Have you thought about having a homebirth this time round? It's far more relaxed and will be a completely different scenario to the hospital so will have far fewer bad connotations. I felt much better after DD's birth (which isn't to say it didn't hurt like hell and have me wimpering that I couldn't do it and I wanted a c-section )