PARENTHOOD after PND.....

[lissie]

not long after ds was born 2y ago i developed severe PND, have had some setbacks but have finally come off my ADs, but i'm just wondering how do you get those years back? i dont remember anything about the 1st 18 months of ds's life. and for the 1st 6m i thought i hated him, how will that have affected him? and how do you come to terms with being that close to the edge? will he know how ill i was and will he understand that it wasnt him but circumstance that made me ill?

[lissie]

anyone?

[Malaleche]

i only had (undiagnosed) PND for 4 months (i think?) after having DD2 and it affected DD1 at the time inasmuch as i was so joyless, but so long as you didnt actually physically or emotionally abuse your ds i think you can make up for lost time and he wont remember. As to wether he will understand, when he's grown up i wouldnt mention it unless circumstances require it. Am glad you are better, don't dwell on what's past.{{{hug}}}

[lissie]

tbh, i just worry about if he asks about his early years.
a) im an awful liar
b) i dont remember

[Malaleche]

btw Lovely photos on your profile, he looks like a happy little boy! ....oh, Shell Island..what a lovely time we had there 25 odd years ago....

[divastrop]

i can hardly remember the first year of my dd1's life due to PND.its quite sad when she asks when she first did things like smile,sit up etc,and i tell her i cant remember.but she is old enough to understand now,and as i am on ad's for PND since having my 5th baby,ive kind of explained the illness to her,and she's pretty understanding.

her earliest memories are from about 2.5,and things were alot better for us then.

[Malaleche]

You have photos, make an album and write in stuff about them and where you live, relatives, his toys etc. He's only 2, his early years are not over yet!

[Malaleche]

diva - if i hadnt made an album for DD1 (when i didnt have pnd) i wouldnt remember when she first smiled, sat up etc either tbh

[minxy125]

Lissie, please stop beating yourself up, ds won't be harmed by anything that happened in first year, you are his special mummy and he loves you unconditionally, when he is older and able to understand then maybe you might want to tell him about your feelings. My mum had bad pnd with me and my brother, hasn't affected us in any way.

[lissie]

thanks. i was just taliking to MIL today and i realised that i dont remember anything from the 1st year and 1/2 of ds's life and that made me feel really guilty.

[divastrop]

i think i felt bad at the time as i wrote everything down with ds1.

if dd3 ever asks about stuff like that i will have to tell her to search 'march 2007 post-natal club' on MN!

lissie-you looked after him,and cared for his basic needs,he wont have been affected by anything,and he wont remeber anything but the happy,loving mummy he has now.

[LynetteScavo]

I don't remember anything of the first year of DD's life, apart form a week we spent in a cottage with my Mum / sisters, where I had a lot of support. I was never really sure this was to do with the pnd, but now I realise it is. DD is now nearly 2 and we have a great relationship.

I don't like to look at the photos of her when she was tiny, as I don't look at them with love and fond memories like I do when I look at photos of my DS's.

[minxy125]

If I'm being honest I don't really remember too much from my ds's first year. Felt like I had been hit by a tornado, all I remember is the constant colic he had for the first 15wks of his life, in which I hated, yes hated being a mummy, thought I really wasn't cut out for this life. I locked myself in all day and night, crying most of the time. And I worry that I might of damaged him by not "bonding" like you are supposed to, what I am saying is you are not on your own feeling like this. I'm sure you have a fantastic relationship with ds now. Enjoy the future and don't worry about the past. x

[LynetteScavo]

Sorry to hijack - I've just never talked to anybody about this before.

[lissie]

thats fine. i worry that because (as minxy said) i didnt bond that will affect our future relationship. i just had such high hopes for parenthood and i iddnt want to let him down

[bakedpotato]

On a basic practical level, can you pump people around you your MIL for eg for stories about him as a baby?

When he's old enough, and when you explain it to him (if you decide to), he will understand, I promise. You were ill, and it took a while, but you got better.

Don't look back too much. Keep remembering how much better life looks now.

[LynetteScavo]

He probably won't be interested in what he didn as a baby until he has childen of his own. By then he'll be old enough to understand, and your experiences wiil make you a brilliant Granny/ MIL.

Does your DP/DH have any memories?

Move on from where you're at now and create some great memories for you both.

[Malaleche]

If you think about the stories your mum tells you about when you were a baby you'll realise that they have been re-inforced in the telling, i mean if they werent told over and over again they would have been forgotton. So, 'create' some memories with your DPs or other relatives help and write them down. Or pick out some photos that show something 'memorable' happening, birthdays etc and use them.

[Riss70]

It is really strange but I suffered PND with both our sons but not our daughter and in both instance it came on during the pregnancy - it was much worse the first time as I did not know what was going on and until I fell in a screaming heap and was threatened with admittance to a hospital for 2 weeks rest by my doctor. I was lucky and my family rallaied around to assist.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and it does get better - the worst mistake I made the first time round was self regulating AD's felt better stopped taking them - crash and burn again etc - I had to elarn to stay on them until my doctor advised and then weanaed me off them. With son 1 I was ont hem for almost two years because of this with son 2 less than 6 months.

[Riss70]

Oh yes and thus far there don't appear to ahve been any repercussions allthough son 1 is VERY moody and sulky however when I have made enquires concerned that he may be depressed his teachers have indicated that there does not appear to be any indication of this in his interactions at school and that perhaps he is being amnipulative of me because I have been soooo sensitive to have felt those negative feelings whilst carrying him and in the first 12 months of his life.

[lissie]

riss that sounds awful! ive spoken to dh about this now and he remembers quite a bit. i was in and out of hospital for the 1st 3m of ds's life so dh has written details down on all the photos from that period for me

[Riss70]

It wasn't great but hey the boys are wonderful and loving and some of the trauma was my own fault through not listening and thinking that I could stop AD's when i felt like it..
I am pleased to say that I was lucky enough not to have had to go to hospital and allthough you ahve it sounds as though DH has been there doing the right thing which is great

my guess is your little man will not hold it against you and will love you to bits and pieces mum

[lissie]

i wasnt hospitalised thru the PND, it was a v nasty uterine infection but i took myself off my ADs quite a few times and looking back i cant believe how ill i actually was and how supportive dh has been

[Riss70]

just had a squiz at your profile and your little man if beautiful......you both look lovely and you appear to be doing well keep that beautiful smile going...both of you

[lissie]

thank you.