losing the plot!!

[samam]

Hi Im not doing great at moment. Trying to keep it together.
Keep having nightmares that my baby is hurt or dead.
My partner doesn't understand and thinks I should be over the moon with happiness. i am, but I hate all this anxiety. We have a lot going on in our lives at moment and Ive gone back to work too early. Probably to please my partner if im honest. I adore my son but somtimes I look at my partner and think,'Do you really know me at all?'
I had a great birth experience but my partner is a lot older than me(16 years)and sometimes I don't think we are on the same wavelength.
I keep thinking that people touching my son will contaminate him and he will die. I am on antidepressants and they are helping with the sleeping but I don't recognise myself anymore. Help!

[luckylady74]

do you have a counsellor to talk to - are the antidpressants for pnd? sorry to hear you are feeling so bad - keep talking.

[samam]

A Hugry baby calling! Yes tablets are for pnd but I can't even say post natal depression as I can't get my head around the fact I have it! Thanks for your reply.

[jollyfolly]

i used to (sometimes still do ) have thoughts like that. dont know what the answer is but i bet if you went to a baby group you would meet some other people who felt the same.... terrifying though isn't it!

[luckylady74]

sorry to go off samum - children calling. i think the thoughts about your partner and work need a clear head and that will only happen when your extreme thoughts about your baby being hurt are rationalised - i think you need to be this honest with someone that can help you - the gp or health visitor needs to know that you are still thinking like this - how can you put your child into nursery or whatever if you feel like this? you need help putting things into perspective and that means asking for more help.
it was a really good start coming on here - please make the next step!

[samam]

hi again. Things have got marginally better as the medication has had chance to work.
Maybe I should explain a little. My partner has a six year old girl from a previous relationship who he sees very often and we all have or did have a very good relationship.
The thing is, at the time my son was born she developed nits and then scabies. Nits from school but I think scabies as her mother is very very unclean. She is also an alcoholic. I am not judging her and do not dislike her.
So, now when she is at our house I feel compelled to shun her away every time she goes near my son as I still feel she is crawling with these bugs. When I am not there my partner lets her touch my son and kiss him ( which I guess is nice)and I get worried that my son is going to get diseases from her. So I think that is where my pnd started and now I am just totally worried about any one other than me my partner or my mum and dad touching and holding him. Also whenever my partners daughter comes round I make her wash her hands and face so I am at least a bit more comfortable that she is in the same room as my son. I also bath her and wash her hair and even then I dont feel the bugs have gone. Therefore, it is a situation that has many implications. I dont want my son to get dirty or diseased and I want my partner to be a bit more aware of this. Also I dont want the little girl to feel she is being shunned out of the family as it is not her fault.
I bet I must sound like I have really lost the plot but what is going on has really affected things so please dont think Im being awful!!.

[iamalonelymum]

i think you got obsessed with these thoughts of bugs.
the girl is understanding i guess letting you wash her, etc.
do you go out and mix with people lately?
and think of some houses where there are pets and babies in the same place.
you cant keep him away from all bugs, and his body must get used to some of them.
reasonable cleaning is enough.
so relax a bit, the baby and other people in your house can get your stress too.
dont worry so much, try to enjoy the things you have.
i am never judging you, pls dont misunderstand.
hugs XXX

[ejmummy]

hello, anyone had pnd but worries about it not going away? i had it a year ago, on tablets started to come off them and now feeling really crap think its gone into normal depression

[mummytosteven]

ejmummy - have you just started coming off them, if so, sometimes that can temporarily make you feel worse from the withdrawals. speak to your GP about how you are feeling, see what they advise re:the meds.

very sensible advice from iamalonelymum.If you can, try to accept that your partner would never do anything to put your baby at risk, and at the moment your standards of hygiene etc are less realistic than his. I agree that these thoughts about this little girl still having the nits/scabies does sound a little obsessive. WRT to the nits/scabies - in your worst case scenario that your baby did somehow catch nits/scabies from your stepdaughter it would be rather uncomfortable for a baby to be itching and itching with nits/scabies, but it would not cause any long term problems.

Obsessive thoughts can be a part of PND (or be part of OCD). Speak to the HV/GP and explain that you are feeling a bit better on the meds but still very anxious.