AIBU to see CPN behind DHs back?

[AnxiousCarer]

My DH suffers episodes of psychosis. He as a wonderful team who support him, as part of this I was alocated a CPN within his team to support me as his carer. In the past this has worked well, however recently he became very ill again and I had to ask for him to be detained for assessment. He was initially very angry with me for this but has since calmed down and agreed that I did the right thing. But he has told me that he is not happy with the ammount of control I have over him because of his mental health problems and told me that he will see any further contact between me and his mental health team as a betrayal of trust. He would like me to get any support I need from other sources e.g. through GP or work. He is worried that anything I tell the CPN in his team will get back to his CPN and psychiatrist and be used against him which he thinks is unfair.

I have needed to communicate with his CPN frequently over the last few months as he really has been quite unwell and have done this behind his back as I really felt it necessary and his CPN agreed it was in his best interest.

I met with my CPN once and told DH afterwards as I had found it really helpful and wanted to continue meeting him. DH was really angry and reitterated what he had said before about finding my support elsewhere.

I feel bad enough about talking to his CPN behind his back though I aknowledge it is nessecary but I'm really torn about seeing my CPN again. I really am struggling and DH is not in a place where he can aknowledge this. Supporting him is hardcwork and I feel like because I'm not in a good place myself at the moment I'm not being the best support I could. I catch myself snapping at him rather than listening.

AIBU to start seeing my CPN in his team again behind his back or should I seek support elsewhere (I do have access to coulcillors through work but not sure how long the waiting list is) I hate keeping things from him and feel like a bad wife for sneaking about behind his back. I also am scared of loosing his trust for our relationship, but also for his health as I can't support him if he doesn't trust me. I'm really struggling with what to do for the best.