I had a horrible experience last year. After getting away from my abusive marriage I moved away and started a new job.
It was a grant funded charity that had been set up by a group of people and my job was an assistant manager. The manager was very charismatic and i told him lots about myself. I ended up really falling for him and last spring we got into a relationship.
He was well respected in the community we were in and my family new him through there networks. Me and my son moved into a rented house with him and almost immediately he became very controlling and very dominant with my son. He was behaving in ways with my son i was very uncomfortable with, keeping me up shouting at me, calling me negative and telling me i needed to sort out my 'mental health' problems. I ended up requesting a psychiatric assessment.
Then one day my son had said that he had touched his willy, he had also talked about cameras in the bathroom and boobie ladies on the computer.
I contacted the domestic abuse service who referred me to a refuge. They told me they couldn't take me as they knew this man through professional networks. I couldn't find another refuge so i went to a friends for about 3 days. I decided to go back, not let him near my son and make a plan B to get away.
When i got back he said that S who worked at the refuge had told him i was a 'crazy white bitch' who will be contacting services and accusing him of abuse. I didn't know but she took my referral. He kept me up for 3 days until i agreed to ring and retract what id said.
A day or two later i checked his computer and then I found Twink porn and google search for sex traffic boys as well as other porn and hook up and websites which had prostitutes advertising.
I tried to leave and he pushed me into a corner, i was holding my son at the time. He was shouting and i agreed to put my son to bed so we could talk.
I put my son to bed and then went into the living room. It was bizarre, he called a load of taxis, asked to have 'one last goodbye' with me and then left.
A couple of days later a social worker came out to see me as i had contacted the domestic abuse service. I told her everything, how distressed i'd been and what my little boy had said.
She said, that two year old say all sorts of things and that (I don't wish to describe here) the actions demonstrated by my little boy could be just being washed or cleaned.
She then said due to my mental health I wasn't allowed to be with my little boy on my own, I went back to be supported by my family. I then asked to go for support at the domestic abuse service.
The Social Worker said the abuse is my word against these men and that I needed to be fully assessed and have lots of questions to answer in psychiatric assessment.
I was the referred to an occupational psychologist. He said that I had been preyed on by a predatory pedophile and we talked over 6 weeks and I'm confident that my son hadn't yet been abused (if you don't count having photos taken)
I then saw the mental health practitioner and was basically told, you need to go back to the Domestic Abuse Service. At this time I also discovered that this Man had taken nearly all the money out of our joint bank account and had been controlling my Facebook account.
We finally got allocated a different social worker who basically saw through my ex husband and told me to write to say he is no longer to have contact due to the 'severity of domestic abuse' and he would be entitled to use the courts. I consulted a lawyer and did this. She then closed us. I agreed that i would do the pattern changing course too. Basically told, me and my family were total doormats and had been letting my ex husband walk over us.
During this time, This predatory boss got in contact with my ex husband and they wrote a letter to my employer saying i was insane, a risk to children, abusive blah blah blah.
I rode out another horrible investigation, then went back to work. This was in December.
By this time, this boss had left the country, and married someone abroad.
I then had six months to rebuild my life, got my house renovated, had no contact with my ex husband which was amazing. I gave up work, which was the right thing for me and my son.
I made a complaint to the Domestic Abuse Charity that their refuge staff had breached a confidentiality. They haven't taken this complaint or accknoeldged the confidentiality breach. Fine. I let it go.
I then went to a local charity which provide free counselling, as i really need to talk all this through. The first session ended up being with an old school friend, so we abandoned that and had coffee.
The next session was with a Man who pointed at a picture on the wall of yellow fields and said 'do you like my picture, its rapefields, I love the smell of rape' This was in June.
I ran from there! Since then I haven't had counselling. I was doing ok.
I went to court, represented myself and got the best outcome (apart from the absolute best) I could re contact with my son and ex and felt super strong and that his threats and lies didn't bother me. (I read cafcass reports which said, he left me as i was abusive, I was crazy etc) Reality - I fled while he was at work, Womens Aid helped me through this etc. I got through it. I was having panic attics before but got through the second and final court having had none. I felt very strong.
However, last month, the abusive man moved back to the area, is socialising locally and now working for the local authority. I have felt horrible. He's contacted mutual friend etc. I categorically know this man is dangerous.
Since I left, I have had people say 'we were worried about you, we wanted to warn you about him' Tell me stories of him being violent, of doing possibly fraudulent things, of huge lies he told. Example starting s smear campaign accusing someone of being a sex offender.
This week i couldn't cope with these feelings anymore, I called my mum who came and took my son to her house for the night. I then drunk half a bottle of gin. (I'm not a drinker at all! wine with a meal and thats it!) I went out in the street and shouted 'men are peados' I remember lying face down on my patio.
In the morning i went to the mental health service. They have referred me to a service which - get this - is run by a guy who is connected to both my exes and is an occultist! I can't go there.
My mum has my little boy who is having a lovely time. Ive been ringing samaritains, a couple of friends and cleaning my house and trying to get my head together.
Im so embarrassed about what i did when i was drunk. Really embarrassed. It is such a small community, i am known well locally - and liked - mostly! Im really embarrassed.
I have absolutely no idea how to deal with all this, how to put it behind me and how to live here. I can't move. we are settled and happy with good support. The anger i feel, at this injustice and the web of lies that my ex husband and then partner have spun have left me feeling my soul has been ripped out.
I have no idea how to move forward.
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Mental health
Cant Cope with Emotions after abuse.
MyPeriodFeatures · 29/07/2016 19:43
Wow. You have been through a lot. I have no practical advice, just wanted to send 
and say that I believe you.
At the moment, the Samaritans help me when I find myself unable to cope with my emotions. I write this because if you find yourself drunk and about to go outside you could call them instead? I have always felt heard by them, even when I felt unable to express myself terrifically coherently. 116 123 - the calls are routed nationally so you will be unlikely to be speaking to someone local to you.
There are other helplines, but I am yet to find one as non-judgemental. If you are not getting on well with the volunteer you are speaking to, you can call back. For example I find it easier to talk to female Samaritans than male ones and this is not an issue for the person on the other end of the phone.
Some people do not find them helpful, but I do, at the moment, anyway. They listen and do not try to signpost you back to SS/charities/MH services, which is what I find that other helplines do.
Really didn't want to read and run.
Bloody hell you are one strong lady
Please put the drunk incident behind you, I've been there especially when I was having therapy.
Can you move in to your mums for a while?
Dear MyPeriodFeatures
I hope that counselling helps you. I do understand the feeling of never trusting services again. My unsolicited advice is that you shop around for a good counsellor and be as upfront as you can be about the help that you do and do not need. Specifically, for me, a counsellor who assumes that I trust them from the start is functionally useless for me. This may or may not be the case for you.
Many counsellors offer a sliding fee scale if it is financially a struggle for you. This is where I find The Samaritans great when weekly therapy is not enough or for the dark-hours-before-dawn moments.
I also attend a group with other women and I find that so, so helpful and validating. There may be something like that in your area?
I hope you find a safe space to express your feelings. Your feelings are valid and you deserve to have your story heard in whatever way makes sense to you and however long it takes. I can understand the feeling of being too damaged to ever trust again. It is a lonely place to be. You are not alone on here.
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