Hi everyone
Potentially a long back story so I'll keep it brief.
DX with severe anxiety and moderate depression from July 2014. Off my meds and doing okay by August 2015. I've always struggled to cope with work/life balance - I'm a lawyer so requires long hours but I also have four children and a dog, which you can imagine takes up a lot of time too!
My mum died two weeks before Christmas which sent me into major relapse (didn't want to leave the house, still hate doing every day tasks such as shopping - it fills me with anxiety). Both anxiety and depression are now pretty severe in nature (and largely not linked to my grief, which is still very painful), although I have good and bad days.
My younger disabled brother also lived with my mum, so I now have to care for him too on top of everything else. It's just too much to cope with.
I've been off work for four weeks - due back on Thursday. In all honesty - I don't want to go back. At all. It feels pointless - I just don't care about my job anymore. I care about my family and being around them more has made me realise how much I'm missing (since I've been doing their homework with the kids rather than grandparents they've had full marks every week!).
I've seen a counsellor who thinks I'm angry about the fact that work detracts from my family life and robbed me of time with my mum. I was in a meeting when my mum was rushed to ICU which delayed me by an hour - one of her last few hours alive. It's heartbreaking.
Anyway - work seems to be giving me very negative associations. I don't feel that I'll ever get over it and it's damaging my health. I am so tempted just to resign, but will that be logical in the long run? We can manage on one salary and DH has enjoyed me being a housewife and spending more time with him and the kids. I just can't face going back - I've been unhappy for about two years but this feels like the final straw - just not sure if I'm able to make the decision right now.
Sorry for rambling, just had to get it out. Can someone please help me try and see sense one way or another? I don't know what to do for the best. It's awful. Just trying not to struggle so much
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Mental health
Please help me decipher my thoughts.
4 replies
MummyBex1985 · 30/01/2016 22:22
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