Motivation to fully embrace life

[FloweryDuchessa]

I'm not sure how it started but I no longer have much motivation to live my life. I used to be a resourceful, pushy, mostly extroverted person. I'm not any of those things anymore. My mother says she barely recognises the person I am now.

I have anxiety and am currently in therapy doing CBT. I've also had depression in the past.

Now I don't think I'm depressed, I'm going to work, I'm eating and I'm not self medicating with alcohol like I've done in the last. But I'm really struggling with motivation. I've changed jobs recently and I'm still on probation so need to impress my managers so that they will make me permanent. This is a job I wanted, I interviewed at a few places after last contract finished at a different company. I thought it was a great chance at a permanent role but now I'm there I just feel flat. I can do the work but I'm not pushing myself, I sit there and stare into space knowing that I'll panic when I get home about how little I did during the day. Then I'll struggle to sleep because I'll be thinking about work and it all starts again the next day.

For full disclosure I've picked up a few viral infections since starting this new job after having a bout of glandular fever earlier this year. So I know I'm still 'recovering' from all that physical stuff but frankly I'm struggling to do anything at the moment.

I can't even sort out personal admin stuff. It all just feels too much. It's too much hard work and I don't know how anyone does it.

How do you manage to impress at work and handle personal admin and finances, eating healthy, exercise, keeping things going with DP? We are talking about TTC and I have no idea how I would manage a child on top of all the other stuff I'm not managing.

I just feel flat most of the day.