:'(

[kitkat1989]

csnt even think or a subject title tbh. really struggling so much. was my birthday on thursday and think im either on a hell of a comedown or iv used all my fake happy up.

i dont even know where to start. im so unhappy with my life. but i have no idea why cos everything is going so well for me but in a worse that makes me feel worse cos i feel ashamed that im so down.

me and dh are happy and trying for our 1st dc. my family are supportive. iv recently just finished being weaned off ad after trying to kill myaelf twice last year. iv just registered to do an ou degree.

but yet i still dont feel like its enough.

driving to work this morning and i actually had to pull over cos i felt like jyst driving my car straight into the roundabout or a wall and ending it all. i feel like i just wanna start over

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I think you need a to go back to your GP and maybe go back into ADs-honestly you can conceive on them (was on Prozac for both of mine-they're both fit and healthy). I've been on ADs for nearly 20 years-am resigned to being on them for life, I can't function off them.

I honestly hope you feel better soon. Please tell your partner how I feel, I hope he is supportive.

[windchimes23]

Oh you poor thing, it sounds like an awful comedown. How long have you been off the ADs?

You'd obviously experience some down days with that but this sounds more serious.

Is this the first time you've felt bad since weaning off?

I think you probably need to go back to your GP. Are you having any other help, counselling?

Just because your life 'seems' perfect doesn't mean you can't be depressed. I can vouch for that.

Any chance of calling in sick and seeing your GP?

[kitkat1989]

i just dont feel like i see a way out. i didnt wanna go back on ads cos i hate thinkig that im happy cos a pill says so i want to be happy on my own

[kitkat1989]

iv been off them around 4 weeks i think

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

You have to look at it this way: depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain, ADs redress that imbalance. If you were diabetic you wouldn't refuse insulin would you? It's honestly no different. Would you prefer a life where you were on ADs but felt 'normal' or a life where you weren't on ADs but feel like you do now?

[kitkat1989]

i honestly dont know. right now i feel like id rather have neither

[kitkat1989]

i just never expected my life to turn out like this i had such high hopes and expectations of myself and i just feel like iv let myself down

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I know how you feel, I've recently become a single mum on benefits, really not how I expected things to turn out.

[windchimes23]

You've not let yourself down, just get some help for a while. If you can afford it, do it. I thought having a baby world be a breeze, sat on the sofa breastfeeding watching crap telly.

It wasn't.

There is no failure in taking help, in fact it's liberating. Some people just do it and love it, some people find it hard. I found it hell.

If it's any consolation my three year old is a darling and I love her much more now than I did when she was a needy baby. There are many stages to motherhood and we're all suited differently to each of them.

[windchimes23]

Eta: go back on the ADs, if they work. You have not failed. You can still TTC on ADs. Don't beat yourself up.

If you get pregnant you can discuss options with your GP. Some anti depressants are fine during pregnancy thousands of heathy babies are born to mothers on ADs.

[Bakeoffcake]

I had to go back on ADs recently. I tried and tried to come off them, very slowly, but I felt so awful.

I thought I was a failure, but realised I'd much rather feel happier with a tablet, than feel dreadful and down without.

If the ADs worked for you, please go back to your Dr and have another go with them. you could be feeling much better within a very short space of time.

[kitkat1989]

been back to the gps and been put back on the ads and also being referred for more cbt

[windchimes23]

Good, look after yourself and don't worry about TTC on ADs.