Fed up of intrusive thoughts-help pls

[sparksthefirst]

Hi all, looking for a bit of advice/support. I've got a 20 mo little one and suffered with pnd soon after he was born (it was no surprise after my history of deoression). I was put on 50mg sertraline which helped massively. But for the past 6 mo I've really struggled on and off with horrendous intrusive thoughts to do with hurting my little one. I'm absolutely too scared to talk to my doc about them , what If she involves social services? I love him to bits he's so precious And i hate these awful thoughts. We struggled to conceive and I really want to start for a sibling but how can I feeling like this. So fed up and don't know where to turn. Help x

[thornrose]

Have you thought about asking for your sertraline dose to increase? You're on a very low dose.

Please, please don't be scared to talk to your gp, they are there to help.

[gamerchick]

Oh god this is so common.. It happens to far more people than you think as many won't mention it.

There are many ways to deal with it I think but coping is stopping the thought in its tracks so it doesn't finish. Even if it's twanging a laggy band that's around your wrist each time or saying laaaaaaaaaaa out loud or tell it to fuck off under your breath.

Talk to your go.. Say you're having distressing intrusive thoughts and would like them to stop. Your Dr won't call social services or do anything like that.

[sparksthefirst]

Hi thornrose, yes I've thought about speaking to her but Im scared to talk about these thoughts. I find it hard to open up. I guess I'm just hoping they will go away. I don't want to be on anything ideally if we are trying for another. I know it might sound mad even contemplating another but due to our struggles we can't put it off Much longer. Took 4 years for my first one. I desperately want a sibling. I just feel like such a shit, horrible mum.

[thornrose]

Your GP will have heard it a million times before, honestly it's so common. Don't be scared. There are anti depressants that are safe in pregnancy.

They won't go away without help.

CBT can be very effective for intrusive/OCD thoughts. Any chance you could pay for it privately?

[sparksthefirst]

Hi thornrose. I know I need to stop wallowing, you are right they won't just go away. I've tried various counselling including cbt before and never found it much help. Can afford privately but it's flipping expensive! I might look into it again though. Thanks for your support. Xx

[thornrose]

Oh no, I didn't mean for a minute that you are wallowing. You're not wallowing, you are trapped in a cycle of intrusive thoughts, they are bloody all encompassing and it's not your fault.

I don't know you but I would bet my life you are NOT a shit horrible mum. I really hope you can approach your GP.

[TheWildRumpyPumpus]

It sounds like anxiety (that you will do something to hurt them) that is your major issue at the moment. There are better drugs than sertraline for anxiety, so speak to your GP again.

Being realistic though, I approached my GP with similar intrusive thoughts against the children and as soon as I left the room they put a call into the local safeguarding team. They HAVE to do this, for everybody's protection, even though you know that you won't actually hurt the children. My GP apologetically muttered about Baby P and other cases,

It doesn't mean that they'll swoop in and take your children away, I am currently being offered support from the local mental health team at home, and they help to access other support (parenting classes, family therapy etc). Good luck, hope you feel better soon.

[thornrose]

How are you sparks?

[coffeegonecold]

Oopsadaisydoddle - thank you for posting that link. It perfectly describes what goes on in my head ... I have loads of mental compulsions & thought rituals which I use to try and deal with the thoughts .... obviously they don't work!

I recognise so much - feelings of guilt & responsibility (it started for me after dc1 was born - a nightmare pregnancy & we were both ill postnatally and I was a HCP & it was just awful) ... trying to keep everyone safe & stay in control. I'm going to ask dh to read it because even after the best part of 20 years I have very rarely been able to talk about the thoughts & how tormenting they are.

sparksthefirst, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this too.

[NotAJammyDodger]

Agree with others, it's more common than you think.

I was switched from Sertraline (which I was switched onto during pregnancy as was considered a more safe AD than the one I was taking) to another AD which knocked the intrusive thoughts on the head within about two weeks.