I think i'm having some sort of mental breakdown and I just feel the need to tell someone right now. I tried facebook so someone I know could respond but after 10 minutes noone had replied and it probably just looked attention seeking anyway.
This has all started from reading a thread on here about someone's DM who hoards money, which made me realise this is something that I do. I save lots of money, never spend anything, and it's a family ritual in my house for everyone to brag about how little they've spent on something.
There's a lot going on in my head right now. I feel psychologically ugly. I have compulsive thoughts too and I have trouble letting go of objects but I've always thought this was normal. Now it turns out to be hoarding behaviour which I recognise in my DM too.
I'm panicking because I have a DD who is very young and i'm a single mother and I don't want any of this to pass on to her so i'm feeling very guilty as well right now. DD's DF has had nothing to do with her since she's been born which makes me think is this because of my ugly behaviours? I haven't cried in ages because I never really feel anything but it's come out a bit tonight. I know I should sleep because there's nothing I can really do until tomorrow. I've started packing one big bag full of stuff and tomorrow i'm going to do more but I know it's going to be hard because i'm attached to everything especially to books. And I'm tired a lot of the time since DD likes to wake up really early.
I've self referred myself to Let's Talk Wellbeing but I guess I just wanted to talk to or at least AT someone right now. Thanks for reading
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Mental health
I think I'm a hoarder :(
HelloMyNameIsMrsBloom · 13/04/2015 01:41
Hi GlitterTwinkleToes thanks for replying 
I've mentioned that I'm anxious to the GP who told to basically 'wait and see' if it gets worse and my Health Visitor is the one who told me about Let's Talk Wellbeing as I scored 11 on the PND test which wasn't a particularly bad score but it was slightly concerning.
About the money thing I was thinking that in the back of my mind but can it be TOO much? For example I enjoy selling all DDs clothes on ebay but whenever I mention it briefly in conversation I feel I get the 'ummmm okay' sort of look IYKWIM? And I get asked what i'm selling for as if I should be saving up for something in particular.
We live with DM + DB but I don't have anyone for emotional support I feel I can be a bit too much for people sometimes
Definitely get back to your GP, its gone on a lot longer than the baby blues.
She's 5mo, she's going to need a lot of stuff, its wise that you're saving money and making some where you can slightly jealous I didn't think of doing that haha!
If they are true friends they wont use it as a weakness towards you, my money is on that they have been through similar if they have children. I've only just confided into my closest friend about PND and anxiety (my DD is 14mo) and she knew something was wrong, but she didn't want to help and over step the mark because she thought I may have thought she was being interfering. They will want to help you in any way possible. Having that support network is vital.
Or, you can sound off to me, I really don't mind 
What makes you think that you have an off putting personality? Meeting every two weeks seems pretty normal to me, everyone has busy lives with children /work/other commitments. Your self esteem seems very low to me, do you get out of your house often to say a baby group?
Anxiety seems to be the biggest problem here, you say you worried about lending ten pounds and how to pay it back. You sounded like you were quite fixated on paying it back, which suggests to me that you are over thinking your actions - all part of anxiety.
Do you suffer from any physical symptoms?
Ring the doctors in the morning and insist they see you 
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Could you go do an activity once a week, just for you. Take up a hobby, a dance class or something similar. Take a friend or even your mum for moral support to begin with till you feel comfortable enough to go alone. You'll make friends there.
Take a walk every day, even if its just to the shop and back, the fresh air will do you good but more importantly you're not stuck in the house.
With the social anxiety, have you tried looking at the side of the persons head with occasional eye contact? Or even over their shoulders? You're still engaging with them but without feeling too full on iyswim.
Walking is not going to help with social anxiety, you need to build your self esteem up. I think the saying is fake it till you make it (?) big fake smile, feel confident (alot harder to do admittedly) but you will get there.
Even Chicken agrees
Either we are all barking mad quite possible for me haha or it seems your anxiety has played a big part in this. You've seen a thread, identified in some of it (most posters have done this at some point) and think you have a hoarding problem.
I don't think you have, Chicken's post should put your mind at ease, and a trip down to the GP for a good chat.
Yes, do the dance class! It could be that one hour a week just for you, every parent needs a break once a week
Be careful looking between their nose, you'll make yourself go cross eyed after a few minutes (I do it on purpose to DH, he hates it haha). The eyebrows are a good place to look at as well.
Your DB needs more practice then haha! You don't need to be overly confident, just have a smile on your face, people are more responding to a smiling face.
Try it in front of a mirror if you have to, you might make yourself giggle doing it which will brighten your mood.
Stop being so negative on yourself, anxiety is an illness which effects alot of people, it can manifest into so many forms. You are being proactive in trying to fixit which is the best thing you can do.
Thank you for your help last night GlitterTwinkleToes
I've made a Drs appointment for Thursday and i'm going to ask about psychotherapy sessions. I read online you can 20 sessions free on the NHS. I'm feeling really anxious this morning after speaking to DF. I called him this morning to let him know about their being spaces at the NHS dentists near me and he sounded down when he answered the phone, could be any number of reasons why. I really wish I could just pop to a friends on a day like this!
I haven't had a look around for dance classes yet but i'm going to do that when I get back from my walk. I've started bagging up extra clothes I have to so I can stop worrying about hoarding stuff.
No worries, I hope I helped a little bit
That's good news, yes it depends on your area as well. I had six sessions and had to be referred back to it from the GP. I would just double check the availability of it. You may have to wait a couple of weeks before your first session just to let you know.
DF (Dear father? Friend?) may have been feeling down, as you said for many reasons, so don't worry. If they wanted help they'd ask. How about popping to your local library, your DD is a bit young to enjoy the books but she'd probably love looking at them and its a change of scenery for you as well
Bagging up the clothes, think of it as a spring clean, loads of people do this at this time of year me included
Hope your having a better day today and not feeling too anxious
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MrsBloom how did your GP go today?
Hope your feeling a bit more positive
That's brilliant news. Yes CBT is very very good at helping with anxiety, usually a couple of weeks wait on the NHS.
Have you signed up to any anxiety forums? They have some good tips on how to deal with situations that make you anxious, I think its MIND.
Glad things are moving forward for you
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