I don't know whether to go to the doctors

[ludaloo]

and if I do...what do I say?

I just feel so low....I have three beautiful kids...youngest 14 months..
Just after having youngest I was very low...felt trapped, had huge arguements with dh..ranted at the kids, and just found life very hard. After struggling, decided to try to snap out of it, for fear of losing everything....
I have coped on and off...but recently I don't seem to be able to keep it together anymore...I'm ranting at dh in a way I have never done before, we can argue and I can be so mean, and actually feel like I don't care what his response is....If he threatens to leave I just don't care! (obviously when I've calmed down I'm devistated at the thought of losing him)
The weirdest thing though are my sudden anxiety attacks. I drove to town the other day and started thinking.."oh my god..what if someone jumped out in front of me and stopped the car, I can't lock the doors from the inside..what if they took my kids away????" to the point where I had to stop the car and calm down!!!!
My dh is self employed and works stupidly long hours which doesn't help.
I have absolutely no sex drive what so ever, we row about that a lot too.
I just don't know what to do...
Will talking to a doctor help??
And what do I say when I get there?????

Sorry to go on, but I think I'm going mad!!!

[ludaloo]

[zippitippitoes]

go to the doctor but prepared for him/her not to be very good a t listening

see if you can book a double appointment and make some notes of what you want to say

if it will help take someone with you who knows how you feel

[ludaloo]

Hmmm I was afraid he might just not listen...I feel such a drama queen...the feelings just won't go away though. My dd2 is 14 months now...surely if it was a form of depression it would of gone by now?

[mumatuks]

Please go to the doctors. Or if you don't want to go to see him/her, maybe talk to a H.V so they could refer you to a councilor?
I can completely understand the worry about someone trying to take the kids out of the car. I was like that.
I wouldn't let my eldest outside as I was convinced someone would take him from the garden.
I got counciling and am much better for it. It helped me see that these thoughts are irrational (although they are so realy at the time, I don't doubt that)

[zippitippitoes]

if it's pnd you mean? well, no it could be that or it could be depression caused by something else.

You are having real symptoms and you need to talk to someone to help overcome them..talking to the gp is a good first step

[madmarchscare]

Just tell your GP how you feel, that your not feeling yourself and you will be surprised at how you will just keep going. Your GP will have seen lots of people in your shoes and will recognise the symptoms you are describing as they are not at all uncommon. Dont worry, your not going mad .

Does your DH know how you are feeling?

[ludaloo]

i don't have any family here..we moved away from them all about 4 years ago...I have a friend who has them if I need to go anywhere but only for a few hours.

[zippitippitoes]

there are therapies like cbt which some people find very good for coping and there are anti depressants which can help

also things like yoga and getting a break on your own or with a friend

time to spend with your dh too

[madmarchscare]

Make an appointment and try and arrange to go without the kids.

[ludaloo]

I'm afraid to say my dh isn't the most patient of people..he knows I can't cope but he's just so busy....he is more like a forth child tbh. He just thinks I should be coping.

[ludaloo]

Thank you to everyone...I will go see my gp...
These feelings just keep cropping up...no matter how hard I try and get on with things, thay are always there. They are back quite strongly again at the moment, for no real reason..I just can't explain it.
My dh and I just keep rowing and we are all just going round in circles.
I am so sorry if I offend anyone by saying this but the thought of having PND makes me feel like a failure as a mother....I am sorry...I do not know anything about it and shouldn't say that, but I just feel I should be able to cope!

[megusta]

ludaloo, big hugs. i know very much how you feel and it is very hard. i have had horrible rows with my husband and felt very very low . i just felt like misery was following me around everywhere i went. eventually i went to the doc and had a few sessions of councilling. it helped a lot. it is BLOODY difficult being at home with small children and a husband that also needs looking after. it is lonely, isolating, boring and there is no one to give you a pat on the back or help. my husband is quite a bit better now and is more support and i told a few close friends what i was feeling and they have also been very kind. it has taken a while to start to feel better, but i have. definitley go to the doctor. there is no shame in pnd (loads of people have it, but few admit it) it is very common and needs treatment. you are not a failure. you are normal and are doing a very hard job very well.

[ludaloo]

Aw thank you so much meg...I feel a bit better now...I will definately go see the doc,
I can't carry on the way things are.
Thanks for the hug too...I needed one of those

[megusta]

glad to hug my dh works long hours too. but we work 25/7 with no weekends or holidays and it is unpaid, difficult and without colleagues. see if you can pop out for a saturday shopping with a mate or to a bar with a friend one sat night. preferably leaving dh with the kids, will remind him how hard it is to be alone with them. he might appreciate you a bit more afterwards works a treat with my dh and cheers me up a bit too. Also lots and lots of women have pnd. i was shocked by how many people i know have had it. stopped me feeling quite so awful when i realised perfectly nice, normal people had it too.

[ludaloo]

Well I have made an appointment to go to doctors on Monday...our female doctor has left it appears so I have to go see one of the male doctors...he's nice though (he's the one that fitted my coil)
I hope he can help..dh and I had a huge row...still not speaking...so he isn't willing to listen...just have to get on with it won't I!

[ludaloo]

Thank you Bb.... Have nothing planned but thought I might bake with the kids and maybe go get my hair cut!

[Jackie2kids]

Hi Ludaloo. You are doing a tough job. I work part time and that keeps me sane. When I do have days off to spend with the kids I find it really hard work and you are doing it all day every day. Me and dh argue much more now we have kids (I guess we shout at each other to avoid shouting at them), many couples split up.My dh often tells me I'm moody, which I started to believe (ie that it was all my fault) but now having chatted to friends I can see that he is also moody and so are the kids. I think I'm trying to say look after yourself, you aren't responsible for everyones happiness, in a few years much of the pressure will be off so hang on in there until then. J

[madmarchscare]

Yay, well done for making that appointment. DH got a bit of a strop on when I started taking ADs again. 'I thought all that was sorted' he said, could've punched him, really, I was so angry. He did apologise after and has recently apologised again when he has seen the difference they have made. If things are generally OK with YOU and you DH, I'm sure he'll come round. It is tough but yes, sometimes you do just have to get on with it yourself [eye rolling emotion just for stupid husband types]. Keep posting, it really helps knowing that your not alone.

[madmarchscare]

Absolutely no idea why 'you' was in caps???

[fizzo]

I do hope you are having a good weekend, good luck at the doctors on Monday, amybe speaking to a third party, someone who isn't your dh may hel too.

Your not mad either!!