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Mental health

I don't feel worthy of seeking help.

6 replies

WayfaringStranger · 25/02/2015 21:37

I spent my entire teen years and early adolescence suffering with anorexia, bulimia and other mental health problems. I had a lot of help and slowly started to become mentally and physically well. I was living a normal life until about 6 months ago when work related stress triggered off an eating 'blip' that led to a full blown relapse of bulimia (bingeing and vomiting and laxative abuse).

I feel so unworthy of seeking help because I'm not depressed or even particularly anxious. So, I clearly don't need MH services. My other issue is that I'm fat (I have an overweight BMI), so I don't feel worthy of seeking help for the bulimia.

I have explored the option of private therapy but I just cannot afford it. I did find one low cost option but I managed to talk myself out of it, stating that I'm fat and greedy, not depressed, so why should I seek help? I know it's not logical but there we go.

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textfan · 25/02/2015 23:15

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WayfaringStranger · 26/02/2015 18:28

I've done about 4 different depression tests online and they all suggest I don't appear depressed. My partner doesn't think I'm depressed, although he is concerned about my eating habits and my low self esteem.

I did manage to make a GP appt for March but I feel silly. I keep telling myself that I'm just greedy.

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WayfaringStranger · 26/02/2015 18:28

Sorry, stupid old me didn't even say thank you for your kind words.

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NanaNina · 27/02/2015 00:16

But anorexia and bulimia are mental health issues surely? It's not to do with food is it - it's to do with far less tangible things I thought - possibly a need to feel you can control something in your life?

SO yes go to the GP appointment and tell him/her what's happening in your life. You don't need to feel "silly" - GPs are paid very well (and if you're a taxpayer you help pay their salaries!) and it's their job to help with eating disorders. It doesn't matter that you're not depressed or anxious. It's a bit like saying "well I feel silly going to the GP because I've got a bad pain in my stomach, but I haven't got a sore throat!"

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PeppermintCrayon · 27/02/2015 22:51

You are in distress.
You are using coping mechanisms that are harmful not helpful and need help to stop.
You are being savaged by a ruthless inner critic who wrongly claims you do not deserve help.

You are obviously in distress. That alone is justification for seeking help. Not everyone fits the profile for depression - there are many ways of being unhappy.

Could things be better? Yes. Could you benefit from help? Yes. I can't think how you could be more worthy of help.

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WayfaringStranger · 02/03/2015 22:40

I'm sorry that I didn't come back and acknowledge your posts. Thank you for your kind words.

I was just hiding inside of my head, pretending I am 'normal', that I don't effectively flush my hard earned money down the toilet, that I don't have an eating disorder.

This all feels so fucked up. :( nights are the worst. I can pretend to be normal for some of the day.