Any advice on visiting suicidal friend?

[PenelopePitstops]

Hi all,
Firstly apologies if I cause any offence by the wording of anything in this post. I'm not sure of the correct terms for stuff.

I'm going to see my friend who is currently in a mental health ward in hospital after being sectioned. (don't want to put much more but will pm people).

Does anyone have any advice on things to take, things to say? I don't want to upset her more and I know she is embarrassed and doesn't want to see people.

Thanks

[NanaNina]

You're obviously a close friend as you are going to see her. I've been an inpatient on a psych ward twice but not sectioned, so I totally get her embarrassment, but by the time we got so ill that we need to be hospitalised, sometimes we're past caring.

I know you don't want to say much but I think a lot depends on the nature of your friend's mental illness. If it is severe depression with a suicide attempt (it's ok to talk about suicide, but not specific suicide methods as this can obviously upset people.) then that's a mood disorder not a thinking disorder. If she has a psychotic illness then if she's only recently been admitted she may be out of touch with reality in the sense of having delusions and believing things that aren't true.

But regardless of the type of mental illness, time on a psych ward goes VERY slowly as there is really not much to do at all. Sometimes there is a good Occupational Therapist and she/he will provide relaxation and other activities to help pass the time. Also the food is usually grim!

If she is depressed, just sit with her, hold her hand, stroke her back, and take the lead from her - she might not want to talk - if she is tearful just take that on board and just comfort her - in fact be yourself - you could tell her you're not sure how to help her - ask what she needs from you. She might not be able to say very much if she's very depressed but it ebbs and flows and sometimes parts of the day are better than others. I always perked up a bit in the evenings, but mornings were terrible.

If she is psychotic, don't tell her that her delusions aren't real because she will absolutely believe that they are - and therein lies one of the big problems in psychosis because the sufferer doesn't realise they are ill, they think it's everyone else who has a problem. SO best to say something like "I know that you think the TV is talking to you and that must be scary.

Have to go - someone at door. PM me if you like

[creamhearts]

I have been sectioned and an IP for being suicidal/psychotic. Visits were always welcome to break up the day.

Things to take: magazines, chocolates/sweets, crisps, basically snacky type foods, small bottles of drink (easy to carry round), colouring in books and nice pens/pencils, a nice notebook and pens, smellies... I like to paint my nails so friends brought me in polishes and nail bits which were much appreciated. I also sew so sewing magazines and kits were welcome. It of course depends on her and what she is feeling up to. Just little things that break the day up help. Oh and if she feels like it bring her in a sandwich or MacDonalds or KFC or something, my friend used to being me in a MacDs on a Thursday and it was lovely.

If she smokes then take in some cigarettes for her - this for me was the most important thing, having enough cigarettes. I used to ask for cigs and diet coke when people asked what to bring!

And just talk about normal stuff. The TV, work, friends, life, don't worry about making her worse or anything like that.

Don't take lighters, wires/scarves (chargers etc), sharp things (nail scissors, metal nail files).

Oh and being sectioned doesn't mean you can't leave the ward, you can have leave to go out with friends and family so while she may not be able to go out at the moment when she does get leave then take her out for a coffee or a little shop, it makes such a difference.

Anything else just pm me :)

[cato75]

My DH really looked forward to magazines, apple turnovers and sweets. Some of his friends downloaded audiobooks and podcasts (this kept him going actually) onto an MP3 player.

[PenelopePitstops]

Thank you all. This is all really useful.

To answer a couple of things, she is depressed rather than having psychotic episodes (I hope that's the right words).
Although she is clearly not thinking rationally so should I stick to the "I know you think that.."?

I'll take some magazines and stuff I know she will like. Hopefully once I've seen her the next visit will be easier to know how to help.

[NanaNina]

Hmm - depression doesn't usually cause irrational thought processes. It's possible to have psychotic episodes with depression but you say this isn't the case. Are you certain of her diagnosis? Though not sure what you mean by "thinking irrationally" - it's very common for people with severe depression to be convinced that they will never get better, but that's quite distinct from the deluded thoughts of someone who is suffering from a psychotic illness. Delusions are beliefs that aren't true e.g. thinking that the TV is sending them messages or maybe they are hearing voices which are giving messages to the person. All this is very distressing but because the person really believes in the delusions, it is not a good idea to try to insist that what the person believes isn't the case. I know this is what people think they should do, but it isn't as simple as that, and the sufferer won't believe them anyway, and could in fact cause them more distress.

You don't have to agree, but you can acknowledge that this is what they think and comment that it must be distressing and frightening.

You might like to look at the MIND website, where there is a plethora of information about all types of mental illness.

[creamhearts]

Nana I would agree with the OP that someone who is an IP for being suidicial is not necessarily thinking rationally, doesn't mean they are psychotic, just means they are not thinking in the way they normally do due to their severe depression.

You sound like a good friend op, I hope it goes well :)

[happyyonisleepyyoni]

Good advice, I would also suggest nit to expect to stay too long-if she is really down just making conversation may be a big effort. Regular short visits are good.

[concretekitten]

I suffered with severe depression and was suicidal, I wasn't sectioned but was offered a stay in hospital but as I had a young baby they prefered for me to stay at home.

For me, I was embarrassed but just knowing that people cared made a huge difference. I was overwhelmed at the amount of friends and family who showed support.

You do feel that getting better is a million miles away, but knowing that these people, who u felt unable to talk to about how you were feeling, love you and are there to support you, it just makes the world of difference.

I have to agree with OP about not thinking rationally. I know I wasn't thinking rationally and for me, it's one of the first symptoms that I'm slipping again, when I struggle to think rationally.

When my SIL was sectioned I know she loved getting books and a lot of ppl on her ward liked loom bands.

[PeppermintCrayon]

Suicide occurs when pain exceeds the resources a person has for coping with pain. It's like a plastic bag breaking because it's too full.

DO NOT say "I know you think that..." Her reality right now is not something you need to reason her out of. It's about showing, not telling. Showing her she matters, showing her it is worth being kind to her.

So, just listen. Tell her you care about her and you are sorry she feels so sad. If she says something 'irrational' say something like: "That feels really painful," or "I'm sorry you're in this pain." Don't argue with her.

When I attempted suicide I just wanted someone to say "I'm sorry you're feeling sad" but nobody did. I felt so invisible. I didn't want people to tell me I had no reason to be depressed. It was like being on fire and being told you should stop burning.

[NanaNina]

Oh I've just been really impressed with a post of your PC on another thread but when I suggested saying "I know that you think that.........." I was certainly NOT advocating trying to "reason her out of it" - quite the reverse, acknowledging what she thought "I know you believe the TV is sending you messages, and that must be scary" I can't understand why you think this is "telling" - I think I got the suggestion I posted from the MIND website. If you re-read my post of 28th Jan I think you will see I made my position clear.

I was looking for advice because someone on the MH thread was very deluded and several posters were telling her that what she was thinking just wasn't true etc........and I thought somehow this was not helpful, so I started looking for advice and found the suggestion on one of the MH websites, not sure if it was MIND or RE-THINK.

I absolutely agree that one of the worst things people can say to someone very depressed is that they have no reason to be........awful. I suffer from intermittent depression (that can be severe) and have had 2 IP stays and do have suicidal thoughts, but have thankfully never made an attempt to end my life, even though the thoughts have consumed me for days at a time.

You sound very definite (as in your opening comment "suicide occurs" - etc. I think it's probably right that people end their life when the pain becomes more than they can tolerate, but we don't know do we, because we've never been able to talk to anyone who has ended their life. I am not discounting suicide attempts, and the reasons you gave which may have been the case for you, but I think there are a whole range of reasons for suicide and suicide attempts. I think the stats are that 25% of people with severe depression do end their life.

[PeppermintCrayon]

The information about the cause of suicide came from www.metanoia.org/suicide which has saved my life before now. It's a way of thinking about suicide that I personally think is helpful.