Abused as a Child & Experiences Now Haunting Me - WARNING Possible Trigger

[SeventiesFurniture]

It is many years ago now, but I was subjected to severe emotional and physical abuse by my mother. I was 6 or 7 when it started. Experiences include my mother attempting to kill me and my little brother (I was 7, my brother 2). She swore me to secrecy about it, with threats that we would be separated, taken away and put in a children's home, she would be locked up and it would all be my fault.
A few months ago I began to have vivid flashbacks to these kind of events and I sought help though my GP and was referred for psychiatric help. I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD, severe Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Major Depression. I am on a drug regime and have just started psychotherapy.
For the most part, I have managed to 'get on' with my life without what I call 'all the crap' dragging me down. I don't know if other people, unfortunate enough to have been abused, feel as I do at the moment, but I really resent this coming back at me like this (horrendous, vivid flashbacks and nightmares) after so many years. My mother is dead and still she won't leave me alone. I wish I could erase all the awful stuff from my memory bank.
I am very glad to be getting treatment, although getting the right drugs is tricky and currently I'm having to withdraw from one lot to move onto something more suitable.
I'm so very tired of it all and would love to hear positive stories from people who have managed to put an extremely difficult childhood behind them.

[Morven11]

I don't have quite the experiences you had but I had an absolute shit time at school and, many years later, talking about it (was referred to Talking Therapies for something else but this of course cropped up) was just the ticket. Been able to spill - for the first time - and seeing and hearing the shock from the otherwise very professional counsellor was an enormous relief. My past experiences were shocking and should never, ever have happened to a young girl.

So, please persevere with any help you're getting (of course as long as you want to and it's appropriate for you) - and talking, I've found, is hugely therapeutic. Your experiences were horrendous and very, very wrong - I am so sorry and really hope that you get the peace and resolution that you truly deserve. You do sound as though you're taking quite a strategic approach which is good.

My positive story? That validation of the awful school/childhood related stuff has been enormously helpful - it should not have happened - to me, to you, to any other child - in the past, now, in the future.

It's not behind me but, boy, am do I feel so much more in control.

How is your brother?

[windchimes23]

My mother physically and emotionally abused me. I have carried the burden for 20 years since her death. I am taking meds, doing the talking and it is feeling better.

I too have just got on with things, but to be honest the dam was always going to break. I was just so fucking angry at her, and she is dead so no chance of just telling her that she was a terrible mother. I think them being dead makes it worse, there is no comeback.

I am just starting to get through this, but no amount of counselling will make me forgive her (they keep trying to get that out of me but I can't and won't forgive what she did) but it helping me to understand what happened and that it was cruelty. It is also giving me some ability to see through her behaviour and why she may have done it.

I hope you feel better soon, it's a long road x

[SeventiesFurniture]

My brother doesn't remember what my mother did when he was very young, which I'm relieved about. He does remember her behaviour (which could be v extreme and grim) as he grew older, but the very worst abuse occurred when I was aged approx 6-8 and he was between 1-3 approx, so over a 3 year period.
She had extremely serious mental health problems, largely untreated because she ensured eg I stayed silent about what was really happening.
I'm glad talking therapy has helped you both. There is a fear of letting the genie out of the bottle. I have had counselling before, but talked v little about these events. There was too much other stuff to deal with at the time, and I wasn't ready to go this far.

[windchimes23]

I let the genie out of the bottle on Friday, he sat open mouthed. I felt vindicated but very sad, I did have a good sob. He asked me what I'd say to my mother if she was in the room and I said 'fuck you bitch'. They want you to forgive but it isn't that easy, but maybe one day I will be able to let go. I think it will come if I keep pushing forward. Just keep on pushing ahead, it is all we can do.