depression dd how can I help?

[anonmum]

Hi
Hoping for some advice on what to do next.

My daughter is 19 suffering from depression she self harms and frequently talks about suicide.

She does not leave the house often and does not socialise. She is currently refusing to take ads and is sceptical about cbt.

The assessment team have said just wait for cbt to come through.

Today we had to go out and it ended badly she will not walk or talk with me. I lost her at the station. When she arrived home she smashed a cup and broke her tablet and did some more self harm she is very angry with me.

What can I do to support and. Help her when she will not accept any help?

[SilverStars]

Hi,

The treatment choices for adults (19 would be classed as such) with depression and self-harm would be:diagnosis and assessment, medication and talking treatments. In the NHS there are always waits but thankfully they are usually weeks rather than years now, for such services. And they will be allocated according to triaged needs. Also if a patient is refusing to engage with therapy the sessions may be terminated - as a person has to be well enough to benefit from talking therapies. Hence being offered medication to work alongside the cbt. Ultimately is she wishes to recover she will need to make choices.

Supporting her is the hard one and up to you - if she causes damage to self and property and gets attention for it, will it help her? Is it her way if trying to communicate she is not coping? Self harm is a coping mechanism usually and you may find MH teams not being over concerned by it (it is not uncommon) and not focusing it as drawing attention to it can make it a bargaining tool and give it too much power - if that makes sense.

Perhaps when she is calmer you can ask her what she wants from you? If it was me I would want unconditional love and boundaries.

[anonmum]

Thanks for that you seem to know the system we have been waiting for the cbt for nearly a yearand I am worried she will not engage.
What will happen if she continues to refuse help

[LastingLight]

How much does she know about depression? Can you give her some articles or books, or just leave them lying around for her to find? Is there maybe a support group in your area that you and/or she can go to? What are her reasons for not drinking ad's?

[mayihaveaboxofchoculaits]

Second love and boundaries. Are you alone with her? Is there another helpful person in her life she would accept so you can form a bit more of a support group (for her and yourself). Someone she feels she can talk to who has the same viewpoint as yourself?
Not necessarily her father or best friend.

[SilverStars]

Does she have an allocated cpn/care co-ordinator? They do not do the cbt usually but can offer support.

Is she at college or has other interests? It can be easy for a person to focus on their ill-health, whereas having interests can be really healthy. Build confidence. Be compassionate to self which helps.

Healthy diet, regular sleep ( no late night screen time), regular morning wakeups, fresh air and exercise can all be helpful. Know sound basic but makes a difference many people find.

If she refused help and medication, unless she is seen as being a risk to herself or others then ultimately services cannot force her. It sounds like she has been referred for specialist help rather than the 6 sessions a go can refer someone for, hence the wait is usually long. Little space available usually and in high demand.

[TheReluctantCountess]

You might be able to get advice from Young Minds. They are very supportive.